


Say You Love Me

by jamesp0tter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Slow Burn, basically everything, bc jily is so cute i cant, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-17 16:05:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 52,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9332702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesp0tter/pseuds/jamesp0tter
Summary: “What did he do, Lily?” Remus asked, his voice still tinged with laughter.She bit her lip in hesitance - she could easily make something up that he had done, but decided against it. Godric, what didn’t James do? Lily felt like telling them how he runs his hands through his hair every two seconds and messes it up even more than it already was, and how pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose with the knuckle of his index finger where he wears his family ring, and how he chews his quills and licks his lips afterwards and he talks with his hands when he’s explaining something and how they shouldn’t even get her started on how he rolls his jumper to his elbows or what his shoulders look like in his Quidditch jersey or how he lets his tie hang off his neck. But instead she dropped into the chair closest to her saying simply, “I hate him.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All the characters and settings of Harry Potter belong to the most amazing woman in the world aka J.K. Rowling, who I thank so much for sharing this world with everyone. Anything you don't recognise belongs to me, I am making 0% profit from this except for the happiness it brings me.

Severus Snape was nervous. Sweat pooled in his hands and glistened against his forehead as he looked around in a desperate attempt to distract himself. His hands trembled and his legs shook as he acknowledged the greatness of the hall. He could see four tables filled with students and another horizontal to it filled with teachers. 

A vague feeling of awe hid hesitantly under the emotional chaos of anxiety that plagued his mind, though only as a prickling sensation at the back of his mind. A hand grasping his startled him out of his thoughts, a feeling of warmth that spread from their connecting skin lapped at the ice in his veins soothingly like waves against the shoreline. His head shot to the source to find a head of long, dark red hair, hopeful green eyes that were filled with excitement and a smile that let the tension ease out of his body and pushed the corners of his mouth upward. 

“It’ll be alright Sev.” She told him, seeing through his transparent smile. “Even if we’re not sorted together - we’ll always be friends.” Her voice wobbled with the words. “Right?”

Severus took a deep breath, letting the intake of oxygen calm his trembling limbs. “Right. Always.”

She seemed pleased with his response, and let go of his hand. “Come on. It’s about to start.”

He followed her eyes to where the female Professor that had led them to their current place was standing, parchment in her hands as her eyes gazed over the group, demanding quiet.  Next to her was a stool, which seated a hat, one that looked identical to a typical muggle-style witches hat. It was black but rather old, patched and frayed - not to mention dirty. Severus knew that it had something to do with the ceremony, but was hardly expecting it to  _ speak _ . 

He was unsure how to respond as the hat sung, explaining all he already knew of Slytherin (where ambition and slyness was abundant), Ravenclaw (where you would find those who had a mind begging to be filled with knowledge), Hufflepuff (where loyalty and honesty rang true) and Gryffindor (where cowardice was replaced with bravery). 

Lily turned to him in wonder as the singing stopped, her eyes bright and wide as her smile threatened to split her face in two. “Is this real life?” 

He nodded, his best effort at a smile forming on his face as he did so. The Professor, whose name he had already forgotten, called the first name from the parchment. “Avery, Erebus”.

The hat was set onto his head carefully and not ten seconds later it had proclaimed, “SLYTHERIN”, earning one side of the hall to erupt into cheers as the boy was welcomed to the table.

At that, his insides pulled and anxiety consumed him once more, pulling him under a wave of emotional chaos. Severus barely listened after  _ that _ . He didn’t hear the names called, the hat’s exclamations, or even Lily whispering questions in his ear in her endearing excitement.

Not until it happened.

“Evans, Lily”

Hearing her name called nauseated him and her smile and whisper of, “See you soon”, did nothing to settle him. He watched as she walked on unsteady legs to the stool and sat. Severus’ dark, heavy eyes didn’t leave her as she did so, his fingers crossed tightly at his sides.

_ Please be in Slytherin, please be Slytherin. _

The hat didn’t say anything for a few moments as Lily squirmed on the seat before a loud, “GRYFFINDOR!” rang through the hall.

Severus felt his heart drop from his chest to his stomach, feeling like a boulder at the bottom of the ocean as his features remained sickened - his eyes hooded, his mouth slightly parted and his eyebrows furrowed as he felt stabbing sensations against his chest. Lily walked with a skip in her step toward the Gryffindor table, a blinding smile on her face as she turned to him, an expression of pure joy covering her features. He watched as she turned to a boy he knew now to be Sirius Black and say something - he could almost hear her familiar excitable tone and naivety tumbling from her mouth. 

Why couldn’t she just have been put in Slytherin? Or at least Ravenclaw? Why  _ Gryffindor _ ? He knew she was glad that she had been sorted somewhere, as she had worried she wouldn’t be sorted at all. That she would be told to go home, that she didn’t belong. That this had all been a great joke pulled upon her.

Severus, at this point, would have rathered that than she be in Gryffindor. He would rather her sitting carefully on the swing at the park by their houses, a flower resting on her palm, or lying by the lake, bringing muffins and cake and biscuits from her house to share and rolling her eyes as she climbed the tree, telling him to hurry up. 

He sulked for the rest of the ceremony. There was no way he would be sorted into  _ Gryffindor  _ of all places, which meant he would never be with Lily, no matter what happened. 

“Snape, Severus.”

He walked to the stool, determined not to let his feelings show as he turned to face the entire school, his stomach rolling over itself as he took in the slightly bored faces of some students. 

“Hmmm _ ,”  _ The voice of the sorting hat echoed in his ears, and judging by the fact that nobody else had looks of surprise on their face, he guessed he was the only one who could hear it. “No doubt about you, definitely… _ ” _

“SLYTHERIN!”

Severus saw Lily’s shoulders slouch slightly but she clapped wildly all the same. He watched her as he made his way over to the Slytherin table, unable to shake the overwhelming feeling that he had just lost his best friend.

 

**JAMES**

James Potter had all the excitement in the world bottled up inside of him. He was finally at Hogwarts, waiting to be Sorted. Scenarios of his youth splashed through his mind, begging to be sent to Hogwarts early with his cousins, jealousy shattering his reserve as Marlene, his best friend, travelled to the school with her parents and coming back beside herself and unable to describe the wonder that was Hogwarts. It was the best wizarding school in all of England! 

Now, all he had to do was be Sorted into Gryffindor. Gryffindor was the house of the brave and courageous, where his father had been sorted when he was at Hogwarts. He had pictured himself in his own red striped tie since he knew what it was, an affinity for the house as the Sorting Hat had listed the qualities of where he knew he belonged.

A nudge to his ribs tore him from his thoughts away from the past and into the present, where Professor McGonagall stood waiting. Marlene rolled her eyes. “Jamie, are you ever going to pay attention?”

He grinned guilty and shrugged. “Maybe.”

Professor McGonagall called the first name as both James and Marlene turned to the ceremony. “Avery, Erebus.” 

He was sorted into Slytherin, leaving James with a shoot of excitement down his spine. The contents of his stomach swirled with nerves as the prospect of being sorted came closer. 

Only a few names had been called before Sirius Black was called. Sirius was a boy of black curls and cloudy grey eyes who they had met on the train. Marlene had met him with family twice before they saw him in an otherwise empty compartment on their search for a place to sit.

“Marley, you can’t just barge in there-”

But before he had been able to finish, she was saying hello and introducing him, sitting down across from him as if she had been invited in. 

Sirius had barely noticed as James sat down hesitantly beside her, only asking, “So, where do you fancy getting sorted?”

Now, they exchanged a grin, albeit a shaky one, as Sirius waded through the crowd to the front. His grey eyes were clouded with nerves, his hands curled into fists at his sides and his elbows locked. Despite this, a cocky smile of confidence rested on his lips as he took a seat on the stool. Sirius had told him his entire family had been in Slytherin, a feat not unusual for pureblood families. James found himself selfishly hoping the tradition would be broken, unable to contemplate himself being placed in Slytherin, or to be friends with Sirius after being sorted separately.

The hat was eerily silent and James could see Sirius blushing under the large hat as the silence stretched out.

“What the bloody hell is going on?” Marlene whispered to him, a frown sitting on her pretty features. James only shrugged in reply, watching as an older student at one of the four tables muttered, ‘hatstall’. 

James was unsure what that meant, but before he could question it the hat called out, “GRYFFINDOR!”

Sirius’ nervous look slipped off his face and one of shock replaced it as the hat was lifted from his head. His eyes were wide with confusion as surprise washed over his face as he made his way towards the table of Gryffindor house, it’s occupants cheering wildly for their newest addition.

James watched on, finding himself wishing, even more, to be placed in Gryffindor. But if Sirius’ entire family had been in another house to him, Slytherin for that matter, did that mean James could be in a different one from his own?

“Evans, Lily”

The boy to the left of James tensed as the girl next to  _ him _ walked through the crowd. This gained James’ attention as his eyes followed the dark-red-headed girl up to the stool, and felt his stomach flip when she turned. Her cheeks were almost as red as her hair but her eyes were a bright, celery green. She gave a shaky smile to Professor McGonagall as she placed the hat on her head. A few moments later the hat shouted, 

“GRYFFINDOR!”

She smiled again, a smile with much more relief and seemingly less nervous than the last, as she stood from the stool. James felt his cheeks heat up as he realised that Lily Evans was most likely the prettiest girl he had ever seen. He decided it was wise to keep his head down after that. 

Marlene was sorted into Gryffindor, as was a boy called Remus that had stopped by into their carriage toward the end of the train ride. 

It wasn’t long, however, before his own name was being called and he was walking the same path up the sandstone stairs and sitting on the stool. Nerves flittered into every crevice of his body, every space and gap between his bones and muscles and ligaments. He was about to be Sorted.

The frayed hat was set onto his head, its rim almost covering his glasses as it fell over his eyes. His heart knocked wildly against his chest as the hat’s voice echoed inside his head

“Not hard to decide for you. Incredibly loyal, and eternally brave - too brave even. No doubts, GRYFFINDOR!”

James stood up, happiness brimming inside of him and overflowing like a bucket too full of water as he caught Marlene’s eye. A smile large enough to crack his face in half climbed to cover his features as he bounded over to the Gryffindor table, overwhelmed with a loudly cheering house for their newest addition. Marlene stood up slightly, wrapping her arms around his neck as he came closer to her whispering, “We did it, Jamie.”

 Members of the house greeted him kindly, older years and other first years included. James found himself sitting across from the one and only Lily Evans, who gave him a quick smile before turning back to the ceremony. 

Watching as her red hair caught the light, James thought that with Lily Evans in his house, the next seven years would be seven to remember.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the characters and settings of Harry Potter belong to the most amazing woman in the world aka J.K. Rowling, who I thank so much for sharing this world with everyone. Anything you don't recognise belongs to me, I am making 0% profit from this except for the happiness it brings me.

“Quills down please! That means you too, Stebbins!” Professor Flitwick squeaked from the front of the Great Hall. “Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio!”

Lily barely paid attention as her exam flew from her desk to the front of the room. Transfiguration was already plaguing her mind, setting her relief from the ease of the Charms exam to turmoil for the last of her OWL exams.

“Thank you... thank you,” breathed the tiny Professor. “Very well everybody, you’re free to go!”

The students jumped at the chance of being freed, fleeing as fast as possible. Lily searched the front of the hall in desperation to lay her eyes on Dorcas, Alice or Marlene so they could head down to the lake together, Severus barely entering her mind as a familiar head of blonde hair blocked her view.

“Lily! Dorky and Alice are already at the Entrance Hall, you’re so bloody slow.”

“It is not my fault I can’t see over the heads of half of the Hogwarts population.” She told her, referring to her friend’s long legs.

Marlene cackled as they met up with their two other friends, sending them a bright smile, “Finally! Our exams are this close to over!” she told them, indicating a small space between her forefinger and thumb.

“We still Transfiguration to worry about.” Dorcas reminded her, a taunting tone entering her voice as Marlene rolled her eyes.

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Lily groaned, the prospect of the exam of her worst subject entering her mind once again.

“Shut up, Meadowes. Not everyone is as negative as you.”

“Surely, they’d want to be though?”

Lily sighed rather loudly as the two girls began to bicker, shooting Alice (who had remained oddly quiet) a knowing glance. Dorcas shot her a glare.

“Don’t you dare, Lily. We have to put up with your endless ranting about and arguing _with_ James Potter.”

“That may be true, but Potter is completely obnoxious. At least I have a reason.”

“Oh Evans, you don’t mean that do you? You’re lucky he isn’t around, that would wound him you know.” A deep voice interrupted their conversation, it’s beholder with a smirk resting on his features as he spoke.

Its beholder was Benjy Fenwick, Ravenclaw Prefect and the object of Dorcas’ fancy since third year. After being paired with Benjy many times for prefect patrols earlier in the year, Lily had become close friends with him and had introduced him to her group of friends not long after. He had already smuggled his way into their group, despite being what Alice called a ‘Marauder’s sympathiser’.

Before Lily could retort, Dorcas had taken her place and instead asked about his exam. The three remaining friends struggled to hide their giggles as the pair made conversation, following the rest of the fifth years to the lake.

“I can’t wait to hear about this later.” Alice grinned, watching as Benjy laughed. “She’ll be a wreck.”

By the time they had reached the lake, Benjy had left with a cheeky grin into the crowd of students to find his own friends which left Dorcas a fumbling mess.

“He’s so sweet,” she told them as they sat on the edge of the lake, “Merlin, I hope he fancies me.”

“He does laugh an awful lot around you, not to mention how much he fixes his hair.” Marlene pointed out, the group’s self-appointed expert on topics of the current nature dangling her legs in the cool water.

“But Benjy laughs around everyone.”

The other’s agreed sympathetically but said nothing more on the subject.

“Where’s Mary?” Lily asked curiously, naming the fourth addition to their dorm and group.

“I’ve not a clue - probably off snogging Reg.” snorted Marlene and the other girls laughed, knowing it was most likely the truth.

Mary and her boyfriend hadn’t been able to keep away from one another since they had gotten together three weeks ago. Lily, however happy she was for her friend, suffered as jealousy scraped against her brain selfishly. The one boy she had even the slightest inclination towards had no interest in being anything more than friendly with her. He was a seventh year, so she guessed (as Marlene had told her on numerous occasions) she should be more realistic.

As her friend’s talked on about the exam, Lily’s eyes wandered over the groups of fifth year students that sat outside, relishing in the sweetness that was the warm weather. Unfortunately, her gaze found Potter, sitting under a tree at the edge of the lake, not far from where she was herself. She watched as he let the golden snitch in his hands fly away from him only to catch it seconds later, and with the action, Lily vaguely realised he had stolen it. He wasn’t the Quidditch Captain - and he certainly wasn’t the seeker (Lily knew little about Hogwarts Quidditch, but she did know Marlene played seeker for Gryffindor) which meant that he had most definitely stolen it. She watched him for a few more seconds before she shifted her gaze away from his insufferable untidy dark hair and glasses to his companions. He, unsurprisingly, wasn’t alone.

There with him sat Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. The ‘Marauders’. Lily felt a degree of hatred come to the forefront of her mind as she watched them. She despised them and their childish pranks - but more than that, their constant bullying directed toward the Slytherins and younger students - especially Severus, who was their favourite target.

“I despise him, honestly.” Lily declared, moving her hair out of her eyes as she removed the Marauders from her line of sight, instead opting to turn her gaze to her friends.

She was met with a classic roll of the eyes in frustration from Marlene, once she saw the direction of Lily’s glares, “You don’t even know him. He isn’t nearly half as bad as you think he is. They give only as good as they get."

“Marauders sympathiser.” Alice sang with a grin directed towards Lily.

“Exactly. Come on Lil, even I don’t hate Potter as much as you do, and I hate everyone.” Dorcas drawled, creating a small smile on Lily’s face.

“You don’t seem to hate Benjy that much at all.” Marlene smirked as Dorcas tried to push down the heat rising to her cheeks.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” she seethed as the girls giggled relentlessly.

“All right, Snivellus?” The notorious voice of James Potter drifted over to them, interrupting the distraction from Lily’s hatred.

‘Snivellus’ was the horrible nickname that the Marauders had given Severus in second year, thinking themselves genius. Lily jumped to her feet, ready to give Potter a million detentions. She was a Prefect after all.

“Lily, relax. They haven’t done anything yet, let Snape look after himself.” Dorcas said calmly, following her friend to stand.

She pretended not to hear the hatred that leaked into her voice as she spoke of him. All of Lily’s friends didn’t understand why she would ever be friends with the Slytherin boy. Not that they didn’t accept the friendship - but they were more than unhappy about it. They had told her that as a muggleborn she probably was unaware, but Gryffindor and Slytherin were enemies: always had been and would always be.

But Lily had kept her promise to Severus that she made before either of them had even been sorted in first year. They would always stay friends, no matter the house - however hard that might have been proving to be as the differences between them grew stronger.

“But it’s Potter! You can’t expect me to sit here while he bullies Sev!”

Hearing laughter from their direction, she turned to find a crowd surrounding the two boys, and, not waiting for her friends, marched over toward them. “Merlin, does she ever listen?” Marlene grumbled as she hurriedly put on her shoes and chased after Lily, Dorcas and Alice in tow.

Lily stopped around the edge of the circle, pushing people out of the way to get closer, her friends trailing behind her.

“Wash out your mouth.” Potter’s voice was cold and unforgiving as he spoke, evoking hatred within Lily with even his few words.“Scourgify!”

She watched in horror as pink bubbles of soap streamed from her best friend’s mouth, choking him as he gagged around them. Snapping out of her gaze, she moved into the middle of the circle, near to Severus.

“Leave him ALONE!” She cried, withholding the urge to roll her eyes as Potter’s hand jumped to his hair, frustration bubbling beneath her skin.

“All right, Evans?” he said, his voice dropping to a more mature tone, one he used only for Lily.

“Leave him alone.” She repeated, giving him a look of great disgust. “What’s he done to you?”

“Well,” James contemplated, “It’s more the fact that he exists if you know what I mean...”

Almost everyone laughed, except Lily and Remus. Remus sat against the tree, reading, seemingly unaware of the events occurring before him. Lily thought that maybe he was simply ignoring them rather than getting involved, which was probably for the best. 

“You think you’re funny.” Lily seethed, hearing the hatred entering her own voice. “But you’re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.” She could barely contain her rage, her hands were shaking with anger and she was surprised she hadn’t hexed him yet (or at the least, threatened to.)

“I will if you go out with me, Evans,” Potter retorted.

There it was. She couldn’t help but inwardly shake her head - how many times had he asked her now? She had not even a clue, she had stopped counting after five. She was unsure if he only asked her now to frustrate her, or because he genuinely was stupid enough to think she’d say yes.

“Go on...go out with me and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.” Lily could see Severus behind James, reaching for his wand as he recovered. She could see Remus, his head slammed against the spine of his book in irritation, Black looking at her expectantly and Pettigrew looking overly unsure of what to do with himself. The crowd around them grew silent as they awaited her reply which, even in her state of rage, she thought was a tad dramatic. They surely had to know the answer.

“I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid.”

The crowd laughed loudly and Black clapped Potter on the shoulder, “Bad luck, Prongs.” Lily watched as he turned to Severus, ready to perform another hex. “OI!”

But it was too late, Severus turned his wand on Potter and without even uttering a word, a deep gash had appeared on Potter’s cheek, blood spattering his robes. Lily felt her eyes widen in shock as James reached to his cheek, blood coating his hands as they fell away to his line of sight for inspection. She felt ill as she looked towards Severus, an expression of pride covering his features, but said nothing. Black looked toward James’ face and in a state of rage turned his wand on Severus and, with a flash of light, Severus was hanging upside-down in the air, suspended by his ankle. The crowd cheered and the three Marauders roared with laughter.

Lily was almost tempted to laugh, a traitorous smile tugging at her lips, but instead screamed. “Let him down!”

“Certainly.” Potter replied, a new sense of pure loathing leaking into his voice, flicking his wand and letting Sev fall to the ground in a heap.

He quickly got up and held his wand ready to hex Potter, but Black yelled “Petrificus Totalus!” and Severus froze, falling to the ground.

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Lily screamed, grabbing her own wand out and stomping closer to the two boys. It was a situation of complete injustice - not that the Marauders out-did Severus in terms of magical skill, but he was greatly outnumbered.

 _Now_ she was mad enough to hex him. The crowd widened and Lily could see her group of friends reaching the outskirts of the circle, seemingly ready to pull her away in the case that she actually jinxed him. The two boys eyed her cautiously, fully aware of the dangerous combination of the redhead's temper and her incredible magical skill. She glared furiously, her wand pointed threateningly at Potter’s chest.

“Ah, Evans, don’t make me hex you.”

“Take the curse off him, then!”

She heard Potter sigh and then muttered the counter curse. She almost smiled in triumph. “There you go,” he said as Severus got to his feet. “You’re lucky Evans was here, Snivellus -”

“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!” Severus spat, speaking for the first time.

Lily felt her mouth drop open as she froze and tears welled up in her eyes. She refused to let them show, even in her shocked state. How dare he?

“Fine.” she spoke roughly and hoped her voice didn’t sound nearly as upset as she felt. Marlene’s face was pure rage, Alice sympathy and Dorcas surprise. Black and Potter seemed surprised, too, while Remus had finally looked up from his book, an expression of what looked like he’d been stabbed in the stomach. She felt as if the crowd was laughing in her face as she spat, “I won’t bother in future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.”

She felt a twinge of guilt, using the nickname of the Marauders against him, but it was washed away as she realised he had just called her a mudblood.

“APOLOGISE TO EVANS!” Potter roared, threateningly pointing his wand at Severus. Lily felt even more rage building up inside of her as he came to her defence.

“I don’t want you to make him apologise!” Lily shouted, rounding on Potter. “You’re as bad as he is!”

“What?” yelled Potter. “I’d NEVER call you a - you-know-what!”

“Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you’ve just gotten off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I’m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it! You make me SICK.”

Then, Lily turned on her heel and walked away as fast as she could. Anger coursed through her veins as her hurt turned to fury.

“Evans!” Lily heard Potter shout after her. “Hey, EVANS!”

But she didn’t turn around. Marlene, Alice and Dorcas ran after her, the latter sparing Potter one last glare in an attempt to comfort her friend. Lily marched through the castle, all the way up to the Gryffindor common room and into her dorm. She couldn’t care less about what Potter and his followers were doing to Severus in that very moment. SNAPE! she corrected herself, finding it ridiculous to still think they could be friends after this.

She could put up with his death eater friends, the way he abandoned her for them and hid their friendship in desks at the back of the library, under hedges as they walked through the grounds and his fetish-like obsession for the dark arts but this...This was the last straw. He would not get away with calling her a Mudblood, no matter his excuse.

 

As early evening fell upon Hogwarts, Lily had found herself in the library. Sulking, she had realised, would not do her OWLs much good - especially Transfiguration, her worst subject. Her friends had come and gone before they realised she would much prefer to ignore the situation entirely. Dorcas had jokingly mocked James demanding an apology from Snape, Marlene and Alice had sworn to yell at the Marauder’s until their throats were sore and Hestia Jones had vehemently pronounced hatred for the Slytherin boy.

But Lily didn’t find it half as difficult as her friends assumed she would - she had given him many chances and he had stepped upon each one with the carefulness of a herd of elephants bounding after prey. Now, with the sting of public humiliation and hurt pride, it was easy to cut a Severus shaped hole in her life and leave it in the past. Even if this was Severus, her best friend... people changed as they got older. Evidently, not always for the better.

Even Remus had come to see her, eyes ringed red with tears and normally bright face pale and exhausted as he took a seat across from her. “Merlin, Remus, what’s the matter?”

“I didn’t say anything, Lily. I’m so sorry, I should have done something, James-”

“James, nothing.” She started, cutting him off, “He’s a git, he wouldn’t have listened.”

“But maybe Severus wouldn’t have-”

“It was bound to happen, at some point. If not now, another time. Clearly, he’s changed and you intervening wouldn’t have done much good except get yourself hurt.” She took his hand in hers and squeezed, hoping to comfort him, “It’s okay, Rem. I don’t blame you, and I don’t even blame Potter. This was all Severus, nobody forced him to say anything. No amount of antagonising shelves the responsibility of those words.”

His eyes searched hers and found nothing but sincerity. “You, Lily Evans, are too good to be treated with such discontent.”

 

He had left hours ago, now, but his cracked voice and reddened eyes haunted her - had he really taken on the guilt of the situation? He had told her he had searched the castle for her, fearing she might do something drastic before realising the one place she would be during OWL’s was the library. He had soon changed the topic and had helped her study, but his saddened features remained from his arrival. A sigh escaped her lips as she began to pack up her parchment in preparation to leave the library, knowing she wouldn’t get much more study done in the remaining ten minutes the library would be open for. The short walk back to the common room was, as always, elongated by the throbbing ache of her arms that came with carrying heavy books around.

If only she had been in Ravenclaw, she thought wistfully as she walked back, she could study in the common room. Gryffindor never failed to be ridiculously loud and distracting, always centred around the so-called golden boys that the Marauders had become. First years would try and get away with playing Exploding Snap each night without fail, fourth years would ask for help with their homework and there were at least two couples burning the eyes of everyone around them.

Surprisingly, as she entered, the space was uncharacteristically quiet and not at all what she had prepared for. She set her books down with a loud thud on one of the tables, sitting and resting her head in her hands as her short hair fell over her face. It had been a day far too long, paired with the stress and anxiety of all her exams - her mind was not coping very well, and her body wasn’t keeping up with the physical strain. She was, in every way, exhausted.

“Skipping dinner, Evans?”

Lily’s heart skipped a beat as a familiar voice interrupted her. She looked upward toward the voice, happy to see a certain seventh year smiling down at her. Elias was the prettiest boy she had ever seen, caramel skin and dark curly hair to match his dark eyes and deep voice. She had been flirting with him for weeks to no avail because as far as she could tell, he was only interested in being friends. They teased one another at every opportunity and walked to class together and Lily loved being around him.

She raised her eyebrows in response in what she hoped was a cool fashion despite her fluttering heart, “I didn’t even realise it was that time.”

“Study taking over?” He smirked before turning more serious, concern entering his warm voice. “How many exams have you got left?”

“Just Transfiguration on Friday, I thought they’d never be over.”

“Perfect! Can I, uh, help you study? Maybe?”

A smile formed on Lily’s lips before she could control it. Was he asking her out? He seemed nervous. Did boys normally get nervous asking friends to hang out to study? Did study even mean a date?

Excitement buzzed through her veins. She liked Elias, he was straightforward and made her laugh even if it was just for a passing moment in the hallway.

“Sure. We can go to the library tomorrow?”

He nodded, his beautiful characteristic grin evident all over his face. “See you then!”

Lily bit her lip, trying to hide her smile as he walked away. Marlene would absolutely freak!

“Lil?”

“Mary!” Lily replied, turning to her friend with news of Elias on the tip of her tongue.

Mary, however, looked nervous as she approached her. Lily was sure that the others had told her about the incident down near the lake, but she could have been sure they had also told her she was fine.

“Uhm Snape is outside the common room. I told him to leave, that he wasn’t welcome, but he’s threatening to sleep there....” She trailed off.

Lily rolled her eyes. Did he really want to ruin her day twice?

“It’s okay, thanks, Mary.”

She sat for a few moments longer in contemplation before deciding she knew Severus, and she knew that he would truly sleep there if it came to that. Moving to the portrait hole with irritation running through her, she knew this would not end successfully. As she exited, she was met with Severus arguing with the Fat Lady, trying to be let in. However, as soon as he saw her, he cut himself short.

“Lily.” he breathed.

Lily’s eyes were cold and hard, much unlike her usual features. Severus Snape was completely vulnerable and completely sorry.

“Sev.” she said shortly, and then cursed herself. SNAPE!

He seemed to gain confidence by the use of his nickname. “Lil, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not interested.” Lily crossed her arms over chest defensively.

“I’m sorry!”

“Save your breath.”

Lily’s voice was cold and she took no pity on him. The words of her friends flew through her brain as she tried to stay calm. Severus was not her friend. Not anymore.

“I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.”

“I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-”

“Slipped out? It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends - you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?”

Lily watched in utter disappointment as he opened and closed his mouth without letting any words fall out. His eyes gazed into hers with regret and sadness pouring from them, his mouth downturned and his body heavy with melancholy. But she held strong, knowing this time was the last. No matter how many excuses she had used in the past, there were none that would mend this between them - her pride was far too strong to bend to his excuses, to pretend as if this hadn’t happened.

“I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.”

“No - listen, I didn’t mean -”

“- to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”

Severus searched desperately for the words to explain the circumstance to Lily. He couldn’t lose his best friend, he couldn’t lose Lily who was so much more than his friend...

Lily huffed in annoyance and turned and walked back through the portrait hole. She knew that it truly had slipped out of his mouth - but that, to her, made it worse. He was two different people - the Severus she knew, and the Severus he was becoming. She had lost her first and best friend in the magical world. She had lost Severus, and not because of the differences in their friends or house but because of him and how he had changed with the influence and temptation of darkness.

With burning eyes and blurring vision, she pushed her way through the Gryffindor common room, hoping her tears would wait until she reached her bed. She kept her eyes on the floor, begging to avoid contact with anybody in her way.

She bumped into something harshly, quickly looking up as she did so, “Careful there, Red.” Sirius Black murmured, the object to which she had knocked into.

Lily opened her mouth to retort rudely, but her throat was closing up with the urge to cry. Instead, she said nothing and walked as fast as she could.

“Oi! Evans!” He yelled after her. She didn’t turn around. “Lily!”

She stopped short, shocked at the use of her first name. The two held a mutual almost hatred for one another, she because he was Potter’s main partner in crime, and him because well - Lily didn’t exactly know why he hated her.

Not that she cared.

“What?” She asked coldly. “Come to blackmail me into going out with Potter?”

Lily thought that under other circumstances, Black would have enjoyed the pun as much as she had. He did call her Red, after all, because she called him Black.

He grinned slightly. “Red, how could you? I would never stoop as low as that.” When she said nothing he stopped joking, his features twisting from the cheeky grin that usually rested there to one of concern. “Are you okay, Evans?”

“Fine. Did you want something?”

He shook his head slowly and watched as she nodded curtly before marching to her dormitory.

“What the bloody hell was that about?” He asked himself before shaking his head and walking to his own dormitory, ready to tell James about the ongoing development that was Lily Evans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my goodness thank you so much to everyone who has read the previous chapter, i was (im not even joking) crying when i saw it got like 60 hits i can't, thank you to everyone who left kudos and i am just so so happy that even one person is reading this. anyway, this is chapter 2 and i hope you enjoy this too! 
> 
> this chapter had heaps of jk's work but the others will have almost nothing in them :) 
> 
> if you want to hmu or see whats happening my tumblr is yesofcoursealwaays.tumblr.com and im alwaaaays open to talk! 
> 
> happy happy reading! x


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the characters and settings of Harry Potter belong to the most amazing woman in the world aka J.K. Rowling, who I thank so much for sharing this world with everyone. Anything you don't recognise belongs to me, I am making 0% profit from this except for the happiness it brings me.

“Hey, Evans.”

Lily looked upward where Elias was standing next to her, tiny crumbs as remnants of toast at the corner of his lips, sprinkled there like fairy dust. They had just finished breakfast and Lily was following Marlene’s advise - waiting until Elias came to her. He _was_ older, Marlene had told her, and he had initiated the events of the day and so Lily should more than expect him to make the first move.

“Hi, Novak.”

“Ready to study?” 

Lily grinned, “As always. Want to go now?”

Elias nodded, offering his hand to her. She accepted, allowing him to help her up and they walked off in the direction of the library, Lily’s friend’s giggling behind them.

The Great Hall was busy and full of students, Lily weaving in between peers as they attempted to exit the hall.

“Move it, filthy mudblood.”

 Elias turned at the word, facing Lily and the boy who had just walked into her - Erebus Avery, Slytherin. One of Severus’ friends. Lily grit her teeth and looked toward Elias, whose face had turned hard with furrowed eyebrows - such a contrast to his usual warm smile. They were passing the Slytherin table, and she could only assume that Severus’ words yesterday would result in this sort of reaction.

“Forget it.” She tried to say, trying to keep him walking to the library, attempting to move around Avery with the intent to reach Elias and push at his back, away from the Great Hall. Neither boy had her intentions in mind, however, as Avery grabbed at her arm at the same time as she tried to move past and Elias stepped closer to them.

“No wonder Snape got rid of you - even a half-blood can’t be tainted by being friends with the likes of _you._ ” Avery told her, earning a chorus of cackling laughter from now quiet surrounding students as they watched the interaction.

 Before even a word could escape her lips, someone beat her to it.

“Thanks for your irrelevant input, Avery. You should really write a book.” James Potter was standing on the Gryffindor table, yelling across the hall. His voice, Lily thought, was naturally laced with sarcasm. He didn’t even have to try.

“Don’t be a blood traitor, Potter!”

The next thing she saw was a pie covered Avery, a very angry pair of Marauders and a murderous Slytherin table. Laughter filled the air as Avery removed icing from his eyes and Professor McGonagall marched angrily toward James and Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes, tugging at Elias’ hand, “Come on.”

\---

 

“You _two!”_ Professor McGonagall stared daggers of fire into the two boys, “My office, now!”

“Come on, Professor! How could we not have retaliated to that? Didn’t you hear what he said to her?” James was furious - she surely can’t have expected everyone to sit by and let Lily be treated that way?

“ _We_ didn’t do anything wrong, we didn’t even hurt anyone! Everyone is laughing _!_ ”

The laughter, however, had died in the instance she had opened her mouth. Minerva McGonagall was the strictest teacher at Hogwarts, and could, with one look, turn a room to silence. Her lips were pursed so tightly they were almost invisible as she gave Sirius a glare that could turn him to ashes.

"I will not be treated with such disrespect, Black! My office, _now!"_

James groaned as he followed her out of the Great Hall, accepting high fives from students as he went.

\--

 

"You know very well that this type of behaviour is not tolerated at Hogwarts. I am surprised that with your many detentions, you have not learnt that by now!" Professor McGonagall yelled at the two boys standing in front of her, exasperated that nothing could teach them right from wrong. "I am most heavily disappointed in you. You have embarrassed Gryffindor and me and for this, you will both receive detention every day for the next week. 50 points will also be taken from you - yes Black, the _both_ of you."

"Do you want us to lose the house cup to Slytherin?" Sirius exclaimed. “We didn’t even do anything! Avery, the slimy git, deserves this! Not us!”

"I can assure you Black that is not what I want - but if it is what will teach the both of you then so be it. Mr Avery will receive ample punishment from his Head of House, rest assured."

"But Professor-"

"No, Potter. Not this time. I do not wish to hear your excuses for your disruptions. You are free to go, both of you."

James and Sirius left the office, in much worse moods than when they had walked in.

"Care to tell me what that was for?" Sirius asked a devilish grin on his face _despite_ the events that had just occurred.

Of course, Sirius knew the answer, but his favourite topic to tease James about was ever-growing his crush on Lily Evans.

 "Nothing. I just thought that Avery deserved a drop of his own poison-”

 "I don’t think that’s how the saying goes, mate.”

“Fuck off, Padfoot.”

“I’m just saying! You were the one who thought we should give it a rest after the whole Snivellus thing. And it _was_ only yesterday." His grin grew as he saw his friend becoming uncomfortable.

"You know why I did it." He snapped.

"No, I don't."

 "I did it for her, Pads."

 "For who?"

 James shot Sirius a look of death."For Lily. Merlin, I don’t know why but I did it for Lily! Avery had no right to call her that, especially straight after Snape yesterday. He did it on purpose, and I wanted to make him pay. Are you happy?"

Sirius shook his head, slinging an arm over James' shoulder. "No, I'm not. We just lost 100 points for Evans."

 "I'd lose ten thousand points before I’d let someone do that to her. Even if she is a prat, sometimes."

 Sirius looked at James in surprise. Everyone who knew James knew he was constantly irritating Lily, teasing her and arguing - and that he was intent on winning the house cup every year. James stopped walking, looking at his friend.

"Wait - you think I only ask Evans out to be a git?"

"Of course not mate. I just didn't think you'd be so... _serious_ about her."

James rolled his eyes. He could tell Sirius was trying to lighten the mood with his usual pun - but wasn’t it obvious how he felt about Lily? Did _Lily_ think he only asked her out because he was trying to get a rise out of her? Didn't she see that he truly cared for her?

“Doesn’t matter. Just trying to be a nice person to her, is all.”

“You’ll have to, if you want to beat out Novak.”

James rolled his eyes, “Remind me again why I’m going for the girl that’ll never want me?”

  
“Beats me, Prongs.”

 

\--

 

“So... Transfiguration?”

 “I’m sorry, Lily.”

 “Can we _not_ talk about this? I’m not the first, nor the last muggle born to be called that. I pissed them off, so this is what I get. Transfiguration?”

Elias rolled his eyes, “Transfiguration it is.”

The library was quiet, populated with only a few first years running to their friends with new discoveries. The table at the back of the library was declared Lily’s, so she went straight for it. As they sat, Lily opened her Transfiguration book and looked toward the paes, unsure of where she last read up to.

“You know, Potter is kind of funny.”

He was flicking through the pages of a book himself, but stopped when he saw her expression.

 “He didn’t hire you, did he?”

Elias chuckled, his laugh deep and comfortable and warm. “No, he didn’t. You’re cute though.”

Lily felt her cheeks tinge pink at his words.

“Thank you. I do always try my hardest to be the cutest in the room.”

He laughed again like melting, warm honey. “Somehow I don’t think that’s a real challenge for you.”

They were _definitely_ flirting now, there was no denying it. How exactly did she think he wanted to be just friends?

“Okay,” He smirked with a chuckle, “Your test is tomorrow, and while I did come to flirt with you, I didn’t come to get you a T on your OWLs.”

Lily smiled, her heart flipping over in her chest. She bit the inside of her lip to keep some of her smile in, but said nothing.

She _really_ had to study, but who was she to say no to Elias keeping her company?

 

\--

 

After many hours, Elias had announced he should get to class. While Lily had no classes because of her exams, his were still on. He had, however, scheduled his classes for the afternoon as to avoid waking early. Many seventh years did this as they ultimately had more freedom than the rest of the school.

“Rest assured, Miss Lily, my study time was brightened with your presence.”

Lily giggled, “As was mine.”

He stared at her for a minute, dark eyes running over her face. “Can I see you again?”

“You see me all the time.” She reminded him cheekily as she packed away his books, sliding them into their assigned positions. It was true - they had spent much time speaking, and more than a few Prefect patrols.

“Silly Lily, I meant... See you like this.” He grabbed her free hand and interlocked their fingers, causing a blush to rise on her cheeks.

He was nothing if not straight forward.

“Um,” Lily sighed. Where was the harm in it? He was sweet and made her laugh and was obviously interested in her... He was older and nice to look at and she had _fun_ with him, which was good. What else was there to look for in a boyfriend? “Sure. Yeah, of course.”

“Great,” he grinned, white teeth shining. “I’ll talk to you later then?”

“See you.” She nodded, smiling right back.

Elias Novak was interested. In _her_ ! The thought made her stomach swoop. The bad day she had yesterday could _not_ have had a better follow up.

 

\--

 

By the end of the day, Lily was exhausted. As a Prefect, she had had to dock points from three Slytherins for jinxing first years in the hallway and Sirius and Peter for bewitching a statue to scream curses every time a Slytherin walked past.

Sirius had muttered something about ‘losing too many points thanks to bloody Evans’ before walking away, sulking. Lily had vaguely wondered why it was Peter as Sirius’ companion, and not James, who was his usual partner in crime.

“Lily, I have something _very_ important to tell you.” 

Their dorm was full, all the girls, their textbooks, parchment and quills absolutely covering the floor. Lily rolled her eyes, but not unkindly. The smile on her face gave her away in a second.

“What is it, Marley?”

“Well, you know that entire fiasco this morning-”

“You mean when she went waltzing out of the room with _Elias Novak?_ ” Alice called from the bathroom, causing Mary to erupt into giggles.

“Yes, then. With James and Sirius? How they sent a pie at Avery?”

Lily nodded, a pink blush still evident on her cheeks from Alice’s words. “They did that for _you!”_

“Gee, who could have guessed.” Dorcas muttered.

“Shut up, Dorky, and listen! It cost them 100 points!”

“100?” screeched Alice, “Does Potter _want_ us losing the House Cup?” 

“50 points each!”

“That’s an intense punishment.. They’ve done much worse. McGonagall must be having a bad day.” Alice frowned. 

“I honestly think she’s realised detention doesn’t work on them anymore. You know how she’s all for inter-house unity-”

“But _Avery_ was the one ruining inter house unity!”

“I know, which is why I was confused. Anyway! How cute was it?”

She was reminded of Elias, _“You’re cute though”_ and their studying at the library, which had consisted mostly of giggles and smiles.

“Sure, Marley.” She mumbled, mostly distracted as she wrote out her last few sentences in a practice question.

“You think _Potter_ is cute?”

“What? No!” She snapped out of the memory, looking at her friends in bewilderment, utterly confused at how exactly Potter had come up in the conversation.

The girls giggled, “She’s thinking about Elias.” Mary dragged out the sentence teasingly, watching as Lily’s grin widened.

“Wouldn’t you be?” Alice retorted, causing Dorcas to snort.

“What’s your mum going to say when she finds out you’ve gotten yourself a 17 year old boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Lily laughed, “She’ll probably cry of excitement when she finds out he’s a wizard, though.”

The room erupted into giggles once again, “Girls! Study time! Transfiguration, come on. Last one and then we can do _whatever we want._ Just one exam and then a few weeks until freedom!”

The girls cheered at Alice’s words as she came out of the bathroom, sitting on the floor of the dorm and getting them all back into studying. Lily inwardly laughed at the idea of Black and Potter losing 100 points for sending a pie flying at Avery’s face - did they really think they could fool her that easily to get her to like Potter? McGonagall may have been harsh, but even that was stretching it. Marley believed them blindly - they were her close childhood friends, Sirius and James, and she (like the rest of the school) believed they could do no wrong.

In the back of her mind however, Sirius Black’s voice taunted her. 

‘Losing too many points thanks to bloody Evans”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow wow wow wow i love harry potter hehe here is chapter three pls enjoy and have a lovely day ♡ ♡ ♡


	4. Chapter 4

Before any of the 5th years could even register it, summer had come and their 5th year was over. Transfiguration had gone splendidly, Lily was only slightly worried, and she had seen Elias every day. They walked the halls together in patrols (which Lily could have sworn was purposefully scheduled, but nonetheless), roamed the grounds after dinner and on weekends, enjoying the beautiful spring weather and spent many a nights in the common room playing chess, talking and even trying new sweets.

“You promise you’ll write to me?” Elias smiled, cupping her face in his hands.

“I promise, all the time. We’ll see each other all the time, write to each other all the time - anything you want.”

“Okay,” she replied softly, before he pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead.

Clearly, Lily had nothing to worry about. But it was Elias’ last year - he wouldn’t be back at Hogwarts next year but instead training to become a Healer. Would he really want to stay with someone that much younger than him when he wasn’t forced to see her everyday?

“I must admit, I’m going to miss you a lot.. How am I going to survive without seeing your gorgeous face every day?”

With that, all doubts were cast from her mind as she looked toward him with a grin.

“Come on, lovebirds. Hurry it up.”

She urged herself ignored Marlene completely, but knew ultimately she was right- they had to go, the muggle taxi they were catching from the station wouldn’t wait forever.

“I have to go.” She mumbled, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“See you later, Lils.”

“Bye, El.”

\---

 

“Mrs Evans, Lily has spoken about Elias, hasn’t she?”

A guilty expression slipped onto her face as Marlene’s knowing, teasing tone danced through the kitchen.

In her defence, they had been home only a few hours - boyfriend news wasn’t exactly what you ambushed your parents with after returning home from boarding school for months.

“Elias?” Lily’s mother smiled, an eyebrow raised. “No, she hasn’t said a thing!”

“Oh! He’s absolutely wonderful! Kind and sweet and loving and smart... Golden boy of the school! Weren’t you surprised he wasn’t Head Boy, Lil?” Lily nodded, sensing where Marlene was going. Of course, breaking the news to her parents that he was much older would be a problem, most likely.

“Head Boy? How old is this boy?”

Marlene giggled, “He’s 17, but that’s only a year older than Lily.”

“I think she knows, Marley.”

“He’s in seventh year,” Marlene continued as if Lily hadn’t spoken, “Oh, he’s just incredible. No doubt perfection in his NEWT results, and he wants to be a Healer.”

Seeing her mother’s expression, Lily stepped in to translate. “That’s a doctor, Mum.”

She watched as her mother raised an eyebrow, obviously impressed. “So, this is your boyfriend then?”

Lily cursed as she felt a blush crawl up her neck, “I mean, not exclusively...”

But the damage was done, her mother and Marlene both squealed, excitement overcoming them. “I can’t wait to meet him! Lily, why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was waiting until I would see you - letters are a bit trivial to announce such news. You’ll meet him soon enough.”

Marlene giggled, the epitome of sweetness, before offering to set the table. Each time she came to Lily’s she was more than helpful, loving to do things ‘the muggle way’, which was so foreign to everything she had ever known. It was a contrast, she had told Lily, to her life and therefore forced her to forget about why she was with Lily in the first place and not, like most Hogwarts students, with her family. Her parents were Aurors and unfortunately, missions didn’t always correlate with school break.

 

After night had settled onto the Evans household and the girls were in bed, Marlene brought it up. Lily had been waiting for it since they got into the taxi together - she knew it was coming. “Are you going to tell your parents about Severus?”

Lily rolled over, facing her friend with an expression equivalent to ‘what do you think?’, “Tell them that the person I trusted most for almost seven years completely betrayed me in front of everyone?”

“Good point. I just thought to, you know. Avoid awkward questions...”

“It’s alright. Besides, I’m over it. I can’t go moping after him - he obviously didn’t care enough if he was able to call me that, even if it was out of anger.”

“I’m proud of you, Lil.” Marlene whispered, and Lily could hear the smile in her voice.

“I’m proud of me too.”

 

\--

A knock at the door broke her, sending the teaspoon of sugar clattering onto the floor. “I’ll get it!” called Marlene, sounding as if all her Christmas’ had come at once. Lily quickly bent down, careful not to get her dress dirty, and swept as much sugar as she could into her hands.

“I hope you’re not putting that into my tea.” Her dad chuckled, making his way over to the cupboard to grab what Lily knew was a biscuit from his secret stash as she stood up.

“More like Tuney’s.” Lily snorted, biting her lip.

“Careful,” he warned with a smile, “Wouldn’t want to give anyone a motive.”

Lily wiped her hands on a towel, getting rid of the extra sugar and urgently getting some more to put in her mother’s tea.

“Elias! How lovely to meet you, we’ve heard so much about you...” Her mother’s voice trailed off as they got further away from the kitchen, Lily hurrying with the tea, eager to get out there with them.

“Leave it,” her father grinned, “Go save him, I’ll do this.”

She shot him a grateful smile before quickly fixing her hair. Looking around her house, she took in the cream coloured walls, the tattered old furniture and the obvious clashing of her mother’s styling versus her father’s. She took herself through the hallway and to the lounge, looking at the unmoving photos of Lily and Petunia as young children that littered the walls. How different, she mused, would Elias’ house look?

“Lily!” Elias smiled.

“Hi, El.”

It was awkward and difficult and definitely not how she would have wanted him to meet her parents... but that’s what first boyfriends were, right? He shot her mother a look before wrapping his arms around Lily, dropping the tip of his nose to the top of her head. She heard Marlene emit a sigh, but Lily said nothing. Elias was perfect.

“Would you like a tea? A biscuit?”

Elias smiled his friendly, gorgeous smile, “No thank you, ma’am.”

Her mother blushed, which Lily thought was a slight exaggeration. In her defence, however, Elias really was gorgeous. And sweet.

“Actually, Mrs Evans, Elias was going to take Lily to the fare.”

“Oh how wonderful! Yes, of course. Will you be driving, or would you like a ride?”

Elias exchanged a panicked look with Marlene, before averting his eyes to Lily. Both girls giggled - the experience of purebloods meeting the muggle world never failed to make them laugh.

“D-drive?”

“Relax, El.” Lily laughed, “We’ll be apparating, Mum. He’s a wizard, he doesn’t drive.”

Lily’s mother flushed in embarrassment, “I’m so sorry, I forgot completely. Well... safe apparition...?”

Marlene snorted before mouthing, “I got this,” to Lily, encouraging the couple to get going. “They should probably leave now if they want to be home before dinner...”

And with that, Elias and Lily were out the door before any more fuss could be made, on their way to the fare. “I messed up, didn’t I?” He asked her nervously, wide eyed as the door closed, pulling a laugh out of Lily.

“No, El. You were perfect.”

 

\--

Petunia had hated him, of course. It had completely ruined dinner, even silencing (for once) Marlene.

“I just don’t understand why you would let more of those freaks into our house!” Petunia had screeched as Elias and Lily apparated onto the front step, each with large smiles painted on their faces. Lily’s had dropped as she heard her sister’s voice and Elias asked innocently who that girl was.

“My sister.” She had mumbled, “It’s a long story.”

Elias had left, Lily’s own personal sunshine to protect her from the dreary events of her life gone. She wouldn’t see him for at least another week, she knew.

“Lil, I just don’t know how you stand her!” Lily looked toward the door, fearful that her sister would hear as Marlene cursed. "I don't care if she hears me, am I not the 'freaks' that she's complaining about?"

Lily shrugged, pulling off her cardigan from around her shoulders, “It doesn’t matter.”

Marlene had spluttered as Lily shook her hair out from its style and wiped off her make-up tiredly before lying back on her bed.

 

"It's just Petunia. Don't worry yourself with it, Marley."

 

\--

Marlene had left three days later. Lily supposed it was time for her to leave, it being almost a month into summer already. She began to miss her the minute the front door was closed, selfishly. Her friends were her family - she saw them more often than she saw her real family. Alice had become the mother hen to their group, Marlene the knowing older sister, Dorcas her twin full of opposites and Mary, sweet innocent Mary, the younger sister they were all there to protect. It felt wrong to be away from them, to be apart from one another.

“I came here every day with Severus last summer.” Lily admitted to Elias as they lay together, protected by the shade of the overhanging tree in the park. Elias had one hand behind his head, fiddling with the daisy chain Lily had made him to wear as a crown, only to receive one in return - made by magic. It reminded her of how she used her magic before Hogwarts, when she could still get away with it.

“It’s better with me though, right?” He mumbled lazily, eyes fluttering as the sun peaked through the branches and danced across his face.

“Obviously,” she smiled, leaning down to capture his lips between hers.

“Mmm,” he hummed as they broke apart, “I was wondering when we were going to do that again.”

“Just ask, love.”

\--

                      _ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS_

_Pass Grades: Outstanding (O)                                  Fail Grades: Poor (P)_

_Exceeds Expectations (E)                                         Dreadful (D)_

_Acceptable (A)                                                         Troll (T)_

_LILY EVANS HAS ACHIEVED:_

_Ancient Runes:                                                   O_

_Arithmancy:O_

_Astronomy:O_

_Care of Magical Creatures:O_

_Charms:O_

_Defense Against the Dark Arts:O_

_Herbology:O_

_History of Magic:O_

_Potions:O_

_Transfiguration:E_

Her heart pounded fiercely as she read down the line - only one E? And in Transfiguration? A sigh of relief left her before she even knew she was holding her breath - she could do whatever she wanted in the coming year with no problems... she had more than enough OWLs to take a course and even swap if she desperately wanted to.

“We’re so so proud of you, baby!”

“Thanks, Mum.”

“Absolutely incredible, Lil. Come on, what do you want for dinner? Anything you like!”

“Say Shepard's pie, Lils please.” Her father begged, whispering with his hands clutched together as if in prayer as her mother wandered toward the kitchen.

“Shepard’s pie, please mum!”

A groan was heard from the kitchen as her father high fived her with a laugh, “Well done, love.”

\--

_Dear my lovely Lily,_

_Your OWL results were beyond impressive - I was so proud I even showed Tilly! She sends her regards, claiming if we marry there will at least be some chance of an intelligent Novak child somewhere. Would you like to meet in Diagon Alley? Mother says I should be proper and offer to take you to buy things for your sixth year. I, however, am considerate enough to ask if you already had plans to do this with your friends as I know how much you’ve missed them._

_Send back your reply quickly, love. I want to get out of this family holiday to Africa if I can try, I don’t want to miss your first day back._

_Loving and missing you,_

_Elias._

_P.S Do you think whale and tuna will mind if I borrow their metal death trap to travel to London with you?_

 

A cackle of a laugh escaped Lily as she read the letter, causing the owl sitting on her window sill to send her a confused glance. Tilly was the house elf that maintained the Novak house. She was very old, having basically raised Elias, his older brother and two sisters, and always had something to say. Despite this, she loved each of them and as a result was never afraid to speak her mind - however abnormal that was for a house elf.

An even larger laugh came from her as she read the last line - Elias had barely been able to resist when Lily had written to him to describe Vernon, Petunia’s boyfriend, to him, saying that he looked like a whale.

“And you call her Tuney? Lil, how could you not have seen this!” He laughed, loudly and brightly enough to pull the corners of her lips upward. “Whale and tuna,” he sighed, “Married happily in their - what do you call it?”

“A car, El.”

“Yes, married happily in their disturbing car. They’ll die of a crash in that, they will.”

She smiled fondly at the memory, before realising the bigger issue - Diagon Alley. Marlene had already asked her, claiming she would try and convince Alice to meet up with them also. It wasn’t, she thought, horrible to invite him also, even if only for a few hours. She replied to Elias quickly, sending her answer with the frowning, snowy owl he had sent to her. With a guilty glance, Lily looked to the letters already covering the desk in the corner of her bedroom. She knew they spoke words of James Potter and from James Potter, each more ridiculous than the next.

_Lily,_

_James has not stopped talking about you. The poor boy is literally obsessed. I wrote to him once this summer, and he won’t stop owling me about you! I’ve seen him far too many times and he’s given me a headache. You need to answer his owls so he quits bothering me!_

_We’re all okay here - excited as there’s only a week left of summer! How are you? Mum and Dad want to know if you’re still to coming to Diagon Alley and buying your school supplies with us? They are having some Aurors come with us. They want to make sure we’re all safe, as we are (and I quote!) the ‘future of this war’. Raising us like pigs for slaughter, they are._

_Loving and missing you,_

_Marley_

_P.S I’m sorry for tricking you, James made me do it._

Lily had frowned. ‘Tricking you’? What had she done? She had quickly looked at the next page of the letter, only to see a messy scrawl all over the parchment.

_Lily Dearest,_

_I’m sorry it had to come to this - but you weren’t answering me! I had to make sure you were even receiving my letters. How are you? I saw Marley ask you to come to Diagon Alley, ~~but are you sure you wouldn’t rather come with me?~~  and I do hope you have a very nice time, I might even see you!_

_I spent hours re-writing this letter and I’ve found I have no clue of what to say to you. I’ve wasted every bit of conversation in all the other letters I sent you which have quite obviously been disregarded. I put effort into those, Evans!_

_In all seriousness I do hope you’re okay, what with all these attacks going on and all the muggles? I’d miss you too much if something happened to you! How would I cope without seeing a red-head for the rest of my life?_

_James_

_P.S. I really need to speak with you, on the train, maybe? If we can go five minutes without arguing, that is._

Lily had scoffed in annoyance and threw the letter behind her. In each of his letters, Potter had been the same arrogant, flirting boy she had left at the end of 5th year. She refused to answer his letters out of principle - besides! She had a boyfriend, who was very much kinder than Potter.

She reached over and picked up the letter, reading it once more. Did he really want to speak to her on the train? What could it possibly be about?

_I really need to talk to you face-to-face...On the train maybe? If we can go five minutes without arguing, that is._

He sounded...sincere. The usually apparent James Potter cockiness and obnoxiousness absent from his words. Although it was just a letter, Lily found herself re-reading the letter and comparing it to his others from over the summer in a desperate attempt to draw negative similarities. 

His first letter was so very similar to him that Lily couldn’t help but glare at the parchment. But with each letter she cast her eyes over, she found him to sound less like the arrogant bully she had left at the end of the school year and increasingly as if he held a functioning brain that had a filter of appropriateness.

A knock at her door shook her out of her brief fascination with what seemed like the evolving maturity of James Potter. There stood Petunia, a scowl on her face as she looked around her sister’s room.

“I’m going to see Vernon before tonight, and you had better not do anything abnormal with him around. And don’t even think about keeping your ridiculous things from that school around once you leave, I doubt he would be wanting to see them shall he come over.”

Vernon was Petunia’s boyfriend, Lily had met him at the beginning of the summer. He was ‘highly successful’ and ‘had a lot of money’ but was horribly rude. She had tried to be interested in him for Petunia’s sake, but he looked at Lily as if she was a piece of irritating gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe. (She guessed that was Petunia’s doing).

He would be over for dinner, and Lily found herself wishing she could apparate to one of her friend’s houses for the night.

“Okay.” Was all Lily replied, not wanting to engage in an argument but instead choosing not to impede on her sister's happiness. She, despite their differences, still loved and adored her and wanted nothing more for her than happiness.

Once Lily heard the front door close signalling Petunia had left the house, she turned to her desk and decided she had better write a reply to Marlene. She had, after all, written to Elias immediately upon receiving his letter.

_Marlene,_

_I am truthfully considering a myriad of ways to torture you slowly until I figure out exactly how Potter convinced you to attach your letters. Now I can’t pretend I didn’t receive his!_

Lily smiled slightly, imagining a much more mature James Potter standing at Platform 9 and 3/4. If Remus was able to be friends with him, he surely couldn’t be that bad under all of his immaturity.

_You might be right, Marls. He might not be that bad - but I can’t forgive everything he did to Severus for all those years. Not to mention how much he embarrassed me constantly! If anything, I’d need an apology of absolute sincerity before I could even think about him in any other way other than pure hatred. He put me (and numerous others) through too much - additionally, I’d never be friends with the likes of him with his horribly bad-natured pranks and the Marauder’s amusement from hurting others. A real change is the only way, Marley, and even then I’d be hesitant._

_We’re all okay - I’d tell you if we weren’t. Petunia is the same as ever and I’m feeling the absence of seeing Severus at our park. I went down to the swings and he wasn’t there, so I left and pretended I hadn’t been there at all. I don’t know what I was expecting, I just want my friend back... at least for the summertime, anyway, where our lives are so different from that of Hogwarts, here where he would never have called me that._

_Elias and I went to the muggle movies a few days ago! Mum took us in the car, El was hilarious! He was panicking we were going to die, at barely 40 miles per hour! It was a boring movie, but it was so adorable watching him fawn over muggle things!_

_I’m still able to come! Diagon Alley, 11.20am!_

_See you soon!!_

_Lots of love, Lily_

_P.S. Nothing of what I said means I change my mind about him! This is_ Potter _, after all._

 

“Lily! We’re home!” Lily smiled to herself and quickly rolled up her letter, about to send it off before she realised that she still hadn’t replied to Potter.

“I’ll be down in a minute, Dad!”

She grabbed a bit of parchment and sat back down, thinking about her reply. It couldn’t be too positive, or else it would give him the wrong impression.

However, she didn’t want her reply to sound completely rude. Lily wrote letter after letter, unable to write a good enough one that displayed her true thoughts.

“Finally.” She sighed, reading her letter quickly folding it up with her other letters and regretfully sent it along.

She was quick to make it downstairs, eager to see her parents again. She missed them so much while she was at Hogwarts, she loved to be around them every minute she could at home. As well as that, Lily knew the attacks on muggles lately had been only increasing in number - it wasn’t just unsafe for her, but for them too. 

“Lily! I didn’t know ‘I’ll be down in a minute’ meant half an hour.” Her father chuckled, looking up from his television set as she walked through the living room.

Lily frowned before looking at the time. It had in fact been half an hour. Had she really spent that long on her letter to Potter of all people?

“I...I didn’t realise the time. Sorry.”

Her parents assured her it was no harm done, but Lily remained troubled as she sat with them in front of the tv set. Potter, the person she despised most in the entirety of Hogwarts, was the person she was now not only writing letters to but spending such time on it! She would not, she decided, fall for Potter's (or Marlene's, for that matter) antics again - remaining vigilant with him was the only way to ensure he remained as far away from her as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg im sooo sorry for the slow updates! i hope you're all still here omg
> 
> ive been soo busy with school but im on break now so expect many many updates in the following weeks! 
> 
> lots of love, i hope you like this (its not as good as i wished it would be but i wanted to update HAHA)


	5. Chapter 5

“Mum,” James groaned, falling backwards onto his bed in a fashion of deep despair. “She still hasn’t replied to me.”

“Who are you talking about James?” His mother asked, sounding exasperated as she looked through his draws hurriedly (for what, James had no idea).

“Lily.” He groaned again, running his hands over his face as if it were completely obvious.

“Oh,” she laughed, “I almost thought you had a life for a minute.”

James glared at the back of her head, “It’s not funny. Why doesn’t she like me?”

“Because you’re an annoying little brat?” She teased, smiling as she turned to him, her features seemingly innocent.

“Stop, Mum. I’m serious!” His voice was whiny, he knew, but did nothing to stop it.

“I thought your name was James.” She frowned, leaning against the draws and crossing her arms as she looked over to him, her features covered with confusion.

“Merlin, please Mumma.”

Her laugh resounded throughout his large room, “Okay. Sorry. Just give it time! The letter has to go from Lily to Marlene and then to you!”

“She didn’t reply to my other letters!”

“James, I told you before. Those other ones were horrible. I wouldn’t have replied to them either." She frowned, "Actually, I would have ripped it up and sent it back." He glared at her, earning a laugh from his mother."If you really like her then stop acting like a first year and start growing up. You’ve made enough of a fool of yourself.”

“That’s what she tells me.” James grumbled, “But whenever I’m around her my mouth just runs and I don’t know what I’m doing! I need a spell on me.”

“Act like Sirius, he always gets a lot of girls, doesn’t he?”

James snorted, if only his mother knew how the true extent to the girls Sirius got. “I do get girls, Mumma. I just can’t get Lily.”

 “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? I thought Remus told me...”

“She does, he just finished school. Elias Novak, perfection in a human being, Merlin re-incarnated, etc.”

 His mother grinned, “Maryse Novak! She must be pleased, Lily sounds wonderful...”

 “She’s muggleborn.”

 “Well,” His mother’s grin dimmed, “At least it’s Elias, and not Sirius. The Novak’s have never outrightly declared their allegiance either way."

 James nodded sourly, “Still hate him, though.”

 His mother laughed lightly, a quick alteration to the diminishing mood. “Of course, Jamie. But he is a lovely boy, so at least she won't be hurting."

  


The night rolled onwards, James waiting up until his father arrived home to tell him all about his OWL results. He hadn’t failed a single one, receiving an A in only History of Magic with O’s in all his other subjects. He sat at the cool kitchen table, drawing intricate patterns onto the marble tabletop with his fingers in boredom as his mother sat in the lounge, reading muggle stories so similar to that of their own life. It was eerily silent other than the rain hitting the side of the manor harshly, the storm outside gaining momentum as time passed onward. A piercing, skin-crawling sound broke the haunting silence, surprising James so much he jumped, knocking over the now cold mug of tea that had sat next to his elbow.

“Stay where you are, Jamie!” His mother called her voice stern and quiet. He struggled to control the tug at the corner of his lips as he looked at her, her wand drawn in a hilarious contrast to her pyjamas and nightgown. James, halfway out of his seat, frowned at his mother as he remembered the circumstances.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Don’t move.”’ He was taken aback by his mother’s stern tone, and slowly lowered himself back into the seat. If there was one thing he was afraid of, it was an angry woman. Especially an angry Dorea Potter.

Banging on the door distracted him from his surprise as his breath caught in his throat - had that ear piercing sound meant someone broke the intruder precautions his parents had set around the house, the protections from the Ministry?

 “Prongs?” At the sound of the name only three people in the world called him, he jumped up. Ignoring his mother’s calls, he bolted to the door already familiar with the voice.“Prongs, please open up!”

 The voice was desperate and broken at times, sounding of hopelessness. James pulled open the heavy door as quickly as he could, to be faced with his best friend.

 “Sirius.” He breathed as a crack of thunder rolled above them. 

Sirius’ normally styled hair dropped around his face hopelessly, wet with rain. Tears ran from his bloodshot eyes to his cheeks, mingling with rain as his chest heaved and his breath wavered. His left eye was swollen and beginning to bruise, tinged a kind of disgusting purple as a giant welt formed on his cheek. It wasn’t uncommon to see him like this, James watching as Remus healed his wounds upon returning from home. He held up his beloved broom and his trunk, one in each hand.

 “Can I stay?”

 

\--

 

“You could have splinched yourself, Sirius!”

The boy in front of him shrugged, seemingly uncaringly, “It wouldn’t have mattered.”

Before James could argue that yes, it would have mattered very much, his mother shoved a glass of butterbeer in front of his friend with the words, “Don’t be ridiculous, Sirius.”

He took a gulp, closing his eyes as the warm liquid ran down his throat, “I apparated here, but your boundaries threw me off. I ended up about ten minutes from here and I knew I couldn’t use any more magic, so I flew.” 

James’ mouth twitched at the thought of Sirius apparating underage for the first time only to be bounced back from his house before remembering exactly _why_ he had been doing it in the first place and his amusement left him.

“I’m extremely proud of you, Sirius. An O in muggle studies is incredible. Let me see the rest of your results!”

His friend had revealed that as his OWL results had arrived, and as his parents had seen them (and Sirius had smartly commented on how proud of himself he was), they threw him out. The Blacks were a strictly pureblood family, rejecting muggles in any and all forms. Sirius had rebelled against them for years, starting with being sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin and taking muggle studies, hanging posters of muggle women on his bedroom walls and taking a direct stand against their interests in dark magic.

James raised an eyebrow to his friend and received a nod in return, letting him know it was okay to also look at the results. Sirius, much like him, had done exceptionally well.

“Ten O’s, Sirius! Granted, a T in History of Magic isn’t exactly ideal..”

Both boys snickered, remembering Sirius’ disastrous History of Magic exam where, instead of answering questions, proceeded to tell the examiners all the reasons why Professor Binns was the worst applicant for the teaching position.  

“But I’m very, very proud of you. Not long now and dad will be home, you can both show him your results!”

James leaned over to Sirius, grabbing his glass and draining the last of his butterbeer. “Welcome to the family, brother.”

 

\--

Two days later, their Hogwarts letters came.

“Dumbledore really doesn’t miss a single thing, does he?” Fleamont Potter, James’ father, asked as two dark owls landed on the kitchen window sill.

“He couldn’t risk it, with these two at school together.” Dorea had laughed, motioning to James and Sirius, pushing and shoving one another down the stairs to get to the kitchen first. James jumped onto his much smaller friend’s back, sending them both tumbling down the stairs together.

Dorea tutted, her smile threatening to show as her son and his newly welcomed brother fought to stand first.

 “Hey, isn’t that Marley’s owl?”

 James’ heart fluttered at Sirius’ words, quickly untying the letters on the leg of Marlene’s owl Peppa.

 “Wait - that means there’s only one Hogwarts letter!”

 “No mate, ours are together.” Sirius laughed, “What did Marley say?”

James opened up the letter from Marlene with shaky hands.

 

_James,_

  _I’m sorry, Lily never replied._

 

James’ heart dropped to his stomach as he read the letter over. How could she have not replied? He took a deep breath as pain etched to each corner of his body, every part of his heart hurt. What had he done wrong? He had tried his hardest to be the best person he could for Lily - to be a match against Elias.

 

_P.S. I’m completely joking her letter is on the next page. I’m warning you though, it’s cold._

_P.S.S. I’m sorry for tricking you, Lily made me do it._

 

Excitement filled the space where it had just been drained from James. He threw Marlene’s letter over his shoulder and briefly noticed Sirius picking it up and letting out a barking laugh, mumbling about ‘Evans being bloody brilliant’.

_Potter,_

  _The extent to how intolerable you can be never ceases to amaze me._

  _It’s touching that you care so much that you would send me numerous letters with the knowledge that it would annoy me to no end. In your answer to how I am, I am missing Hogwarts and magic greatly, but otherwise well._

_Thank you for your wishes of my time at Diagon Alley, but I would rather not see you while with Marlene as she is very likeable and unfortunately, you are not._

  _It’s your own fault that you wasted your time to send me all those letters! Once they were delivered to me they were mine to dispose of how I wished, so I feel no guilt in doing whatever I did with your letters. And, just so you know, I am quite sure there are other people with red hair that are perfectly adequate applicants for you to annoy in the event of my disappearance._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Lily_

 

_P.S. If this ‘conversation’ has anything to do with a date then no, but judging by your sincerity in your letter I will accept to this talk. We can meet early on the platform? Or if you think it’s better on the train then after the Prefect meeting I’ll be with Remus if you need to find me._

 

_P.S.S. DO NOT call me ‘Lily Dearest’_

 

“This is perfect! I still got all my subjects!” Sirius exclaimed, obviously reading over the supplies he needed for the new school year.

“Yeah, perfect....” James mumbled distractedly.

Lily Evans replied to his letter.

Lily Evans actually wrote him back.

_Lily Evans agreed to talk to him on the train._

 

“She said yes!” James screamed, making Sirius almost fall to the ground in laughter, having to use the table top to keep himself upright. His mother, catching on, starting laughing too.

“What’s funny? What did she say yes to? Who is ‘she’?” His father asked, confusion evident all over his face.

“She said yes, Padfoot!”

“Well done, mate! Now all you have to do is stop her from being so hateful towards you, get rid of Novak and you’re basically married!”

His mother burst into another fit of laughter at Sirius' comment but James couldn’t be happier. The girl of his dreams, Lily Evans, might actually talk to him this year without screaming nasty words in his direction.

“Ah, Prongs? Did you open your Hogwarts letter yet?” Sirius asked, a knowing smile playing on his lips.

“Merlin, I forgot! Where is it?”

 

Sirius pointed to the letter resting on the window sill and James opened it quickly. He read through the usual supplies, briefly realising how much that would cost for Remus, who had barely enough to buy new robes each year. Before he could say anything, he felt a small weight still resting in the supposedly empty envelope. James emptied out the contents onto the palm of his hand and was surprised to find a badge.

 “But - Remus, Remus is the Gryffindor Prefect...” He mentioned before turning the badge over.

“You bloody idiot - you got Quidditch Captain!”

“Bloody Merlin on a broomstick!” James exclaimed, excitement raw in his hazel eyes.

His father stood from the table, moving over to wrap his son in his arms. “Incredible! My son, Gryffindor Quidditch Captain!”

“McGonagall must really love you, Jamsie boy!” Sirius laughed as he pulled his best mate in for a hug after his father released him. 

“Oh James, even after all your silly pranks you still made it! Amazing, you are.” His mother smiled, tears welling in her eyes proudly.

 “Mum...” He groaned, moving toward her to wrap his arms around her.

“Group hug!” Sirius yelled, grabbing his new family in his arms and squeezing. Sirius, in the arms of three people who he cared about so deeply, thought that things might not be so bad after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeaaah 2 chapters in 1 day i hope someone is still here to actually read them!
> 
> lots of love xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the characters and settings of Harry Potter belong to the most amazing woman in the world aka J.K. Rowling, who I thank so much for sharing this world with everyone. Anything you don't recognise belongs to me, I am making 0% profit from this except for the happiness it brings me.

__ “Do you think we’ll see Dora?” Marlene asked in an overly casual tone, causing Lily to frown in bewilderment. 

“Why would we see Dora? Wasn’t she busy today?”

“I...yeah.” 

Lily glanced across at Marlene who was biting her lip and looking toward the floor as if she wished it would swallow her whole. She was more than slightly aware of how close Dorcas and Marlene had become in their Hogwarts years, but their most recent behaviour had been strange. In an attempt at utmost Gryffindor courage, Lily told her so. 

Her friend sighed before glancing towards her mother and dropping her voice, “I haven’t told her...yet. I was going to tell her over the summer, but you can’t write that in a letter! She knows I’m hiding something from her.”

Lily felt her features soften, “Oh Marls. Why didn’t you tell her at the end of fifth year when you told me?”

She shrugged, “I couldn’t. I don’t know, it’s different with us. What if she treats me differently, or something?”

“Shush, you. Dorcas wouldn’t treat you differently if you killed somebody, let alone for something like this. Don’t hide who you are for that, Marley.” Lily thought that the conversation was rather serious for Diagon Alley and nudged her friend gently, “Besides! Look how fun it is to like girls, you can flirt with whoever you like!”

Marlene grinned, “You mean if we ignore the deeply ingrained homophobic culture that resides in every society?”

“Hey!” Lily said sternly, “Our bubble has none of that negativity! We’re having  _ fun _ .” She could see her friend’s smile growing and thought privately that she had done her job well, for now. 

“Marlene, darling, are you girls meeting up with James? Dorea so  _ desperately  _ wanted to show me the new dress shop that has just opened up - and I doubt James wants to join us.” Marlene’s mother sounded as if she were a child asking parental permission, causing a momentary grin to form on her lips before she realised the subject of discussion - James Potter.

She turned to her friend with a harsh glare, Marlene only returning a guilty smile, “I’ll take you for ice cream if you’re civil?” It was posed more like a question than a statement, which told her Marlene knew she was in the wrong.

Lily mumbled an agreement as Marlene confirmed the plans to meet James to her mother with a grin. Marlene and James were more like family than friends, Lily thought. Their mothers had been best friends at Hogwarts and had been intent on ensuring their children grew up together. Unfortunately for Lily, they had more than succeeded, and James consistently capitalised on his relationship with Marlene to impress Lily (it never worked).

They were to meet at Flourish and Blotts, Marlene had announced, leading the group of three down the cobblestone street that was Diagon Alley until they reached the bookshop.

“It doesn’t look like they’re here yet - you girls go on inside and I’ll wait to see if they turn up.”

The girls each took out their booklists, Marlene seemingly more eager, “I can’t believe we’ve made it to our NEWTs. I honestly did not see us surviving our OWLs, but look at us!”

“Ready to conquer the world at 16, how impressive!” Remarked an unfortunately familiar voice, laced heavily with sarcasm.

With a fond roll of her eyes, Marlene turned to be faced with the one and only Sirius Black, a giant grin on his face, “More than I can say for you, did you even pass your OWLs?”

Black ignored Marlene’s retort, gracing her comment only with a smirk before he nodded toward Lily, “Evans.” 

“Black.”

Sirius leant in towards Marlene slowly, “Why does Red look like she’s about to chuck it in a cauldron?”

Lily glared menacingly as Marlene giggled, “She can’t believe she has to see your ugly face at this time in the morning.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow in mock offence, leaning back to look at Lily, “I am mildly unsure how to accept the fact that Evans thinks I’m ugly.”

“With deep discontent. At least she thinks James is uglier.”

Lily nodded in agreeance, “I’ve always said Remus is the hottest Marauder.”

“Too right you are, Evans.” He nodded, “They don’t call you the brightest witch in our year for nothing!”

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Marlene asked him, seemingly eager to change course, “Where’s your parental supervision?”

He looked flustered for a moment before his usual composure returned, “Dorea is, I believe, forcing James into new robes. He got Quidditch Captain so she’s determined to have him look his best. I only just told your mother to meet them in Madam Malkin’s.” Lily thought that perhaps Marlene’s faced showed the confusion she felt as he clarified, “The new dress shop that’s opened up. It’s very beautiful and accepts muggleborns, which is more than I can say for Twilfitt and Tattings.” 

“They can  _ do  _ that?”

He shrugged, “They can do whatever they want.”

Marlene and Lily exchanged a look before Sirius continued, “But don’t worry, Red. Doesn’t matter how many times you hex me, I won’t let  _ any  _ pureblood think they can fuck with you.”

Lily felt her heart swell with gratitude for the boy in front of her, feeling in that moment as if she hardly knew him at all, “Thanks, Black.”

Sirius only nodded in acknowledgement before grabbing Marlene’s list and reading the first item, “Herbology, Marls? You couldn’t have picked something better like, oh I don’t know,  _ any  _ other subject Hogwarts has to offer?”

“Hey!” She cried, grabbing the parchment from him, “I need Herbology to be an Auror. I suffered for five years, I can suffer for two more.”

He shook his head, mocking admonishment, “Evans, you better not have done the same...”

“Sorry, Black. I had to keep my options open.”

“Ah, so I’m looking at a fellow member of the failure to pick a career club, then?” He asked her as they followed Marlene to the numerous sections of the bookshop.

Lily nodded, “An Auror seems logical, I can’t imagine there would be any shortage of opportunities at a time like this...but a Ministry job seems unstable for someone like me.”

He quirked an eyebrow, seemingly confused before Marlene cut him off with a roll of her eyes, “She means muggleborn, which  _ I  _ think is utterly ridiculous. The Ministry would be the safest place for you, fighting him!”

“Until they infiltrate the Ministry.” Sirius told Marlene as he grabbed a copy of   _ A History of Magic  _ for Lily off a high shelf, “Which, could be at any given time if they haven’t already”

Lily nodded, “My current aim - marry rich.”

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why she’s dating Novak.” Sirius laughed, but without conviction, “Smart move, dating a rich pureblood.”

She felt laughter bubble in her stomach as her response flew out of her mouth, repeating his own words back to him,“They don’t call me brightest witch of our year for nothing, Black.” 

\--

“James, please stop being annoying.”  He rolled his eyes as his mother shuffled closer to him, “I’m sure it’s only the Novak boy. Sirius is with them, I’m sure you’ll hear all about it.”

James huffed but nodded, watching from across the road as a giggly Lily stood beside his best friend and another boy he couldn’t see, her dark red hair vibrant against the street of the usual brunette and blonde. 

“She’s very pretty.”

“I know, Mum.”

“Her and Elias look very nice together. He really did inherit his mother’s genes-”

“I know, Mum.”

His mum chuckled at her son’s behaviour. “Relax, Jamie. You’re a great catch!”

“Thanks, Mumma.” He breathed out a laugh, but without any real amusement.

“Don’t pout, darling.” Marlene’s mother giggled, “We’ll be leaving in a second, then you can swoop in and win her over.”

James made a noncommittal noise of dismissal as he glowered in jealousy. Not that under any circumstance was Lily  _ his _ , but he couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of his blood burning in his veins whenever the thought of Lily with someone else entered his mind. It had been bad enough seeing her at every instance with bloody Elias Novak within the walls of Hogwarts, but now when he was innocently shopping in Diagon Alley, too? Hadn’t he graduated? He watched as the boy he suspected was Novak kissed Lily on the cheek and waved to a very bored looking Sirius and excited Marlene before leaving the group of three outside Flourish and Blotts. He stood abruptly, knocking over his chair as he called out to his mum that he was leaving, blatantly ignoring her refusal. 

After profusely apologizing to the shop attendant, he looked out towards the window again. He watched as Lily turned to Sirius and - were they _talking?_ Sirius and _Lily?_ What in Merlin’s name had he missed while they were buying books? He stormed out of the shop in a whirlwind of anger and jealousy before he was stopped in his tracks and pulled backwards. Panic rushed through him as he thought of all the people that would want to hurt him - his parents were Aurors after all - before taking a deep calming breath. He’d be fine, he could beat _whoever_ this was in a duel, easy. Right?

“Don’t make a sound, Prongs.”

A smile etched itself onto his face as the voice of Remus Lupin spoke into his ear, all thoughts of duelling disappearing. 

“Hey, Moony.”

“I didn’t think Lily would appreciate it very much if you ran at her like a bull.”

At that, James blushed bright red in embarrassment, hanging his head. “I thought you couldn’t come today?”

“Exceptions can always be made in times of need, I guess.” James frowned at his friend’s words but said nothing. “Okay, fine, Sirius begged me. Do I want to know why you were running toward them?”

“I wasn’t  _ running _ -”

“Running, stomping, whatever you want to call it.”

James flushed again, feeling heat creep up his neck as he muttered, “Sirius was with her two seconds and they look like best friends but she’s always going to hate me.”

His friend sighed, “Jamie, she could be chastising him for all you know. We’re going to walk over there, together, and you’re definitely not going to be a prat in front of Lily. Let’s go.”

His heart pounded as he reached the group of three, Marlene and Lily in hysterical laughter and a smug expression rested on Sirius’ features as if he had just told the most entertaining joke of the century. James, while convinced of the quality of his friend’s comedic talents, could not believe he had made Lily Evans laugh like that.

“Finally! About time you showed up!” Sirius reprimanded, before turning to Remus with a smile as bright as the sun, “Moony! You made it!”

“Barely. My mother was furious because Pete was over yesterday and almost made the kitchen explode.”

“Who could say no to those eyes, though?” Marlene laughed, “Right, Lil?”

“Eyes, no eyes, I’m just glad you’re here, Rem. You can finally get me away from this lot.”

Sirius let out a sound of protest, “This lot? Merlin, Evans, I thought I meant more than that to you!”

Lily shook her head with a grin and words laced with sarcasm, “What’s your name again?” She turned to Marlene, “Also, didn’t you promise me ice cream?”

Marlene groaned as Remus cheered and high-fived Lily, “I like your thinking! Do you think Alice will be working?”

“We can only pray she is.” Lily told him solemnly.

“Why do we want Fortescue to be working?” James asked, unsure even to his own ears.

Marlene grinned, “Ali always gives us an extra scoop with no charge.”

“Bloody hell, what are we waiting for then!” Sirius cried, “No time to waste when ice cream is on the table!”

 

\--

Lily was midway through her cherry and chocolate ice cream (no extra scoops, today) when she received a tear-inducing kick to the shin from Marlene’s unforgiving buckled flats and a head jerk in the direction of James Potter. Lily scowled at her friend before remembering the ice cream she was eating was conditional to her promise to be civil with the boy sitting across from her. 

“So, Potter, how did your OWLs go?”

She felt Remus’ eyes on her in curiosity as she posed the question and had to refrain from laughing as James dropped ice cream onto his shirt as he looked at her. He seemed momentarily flustered before he cleared his throat, “Pretty well, actually. I was really pleased. What about you?”

“Good, too.” Lily nodded, “Did you get the OWLs you needed? I heard there were heaps of people who didn’t qualify for their NEWT subjects.”

James nodded, “Yeah, luckily. I thought I was fucked for potions for sure but by some miracle-”

“Oi! Do you know if Pete passed Potions?”

Remus shrugged while James nodded, “Yeah, mate, he did.”

“What about you, golden girl? You pass potions?” Sirius asked her with a grin. Lily felt her cheeks flush with heat as Sirius mocked Slughorn’s nickname for her. 

“Fuck off, Black. What do you think?”

Lily saw the rest of the group laugh and Marlene send her a thumbs up, clearly pleased with their interaction. Lily couldn’t decide whether or not she was enjoying herself, yet, but didn’t think them as unbearable as she originally thought. 

Maybe being civil wouldn’t be so bad, she thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omfg im so bad at updating i'm going to update like a chapter every day to repay you all for still reading ilysm xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the characters and settings of Harry Potter belong to the most amazing woman in the world aka J.K. Rowling, who I thank so much for sharing this world with everyone. Anything you don't recognise belongs to me, I am making 0% profit from this except for the happiness it brings me.

The day had been well spent, Lily thought, despite the company. While an originally unpleasant surprise, the Marauders had proven themselves to be more than slightly amusing and had been further away than ever from the boys she had left at Hogwarts at the end of fifth year. 

 

An unattractive snort broke the silence as Lily thought back on her day, causing a frown form on her features as she looked toward her friend in confusion, “What?”

 

Marlene rolled her eyes, a knowing smile playing on her lips, “Nothing, you just amuse me.”

 

“ _ I  _ amuse you?” A laugh escaped her lips at the thought, “I’m only thinking privately, you’re not using legilimency on me are you?”

 

The smile dropped from Marlene’s lips, “No, you git, I’m not reading your mind. You should know not even I can do that yet. I’m only laughing because I know you and I  _ know _ you’re thinking about James and Sirius.”

 

She refrained from notifying her friend just how right she was in her assumption and instead scoffed in disbelief, “The Marauders? Please, there is only every other person on earth that I could be thinking about. Like that cute girl who served us in the Leaky Cauldron!”

 

“First of all, I almost died looking at her! But more importantly, you’re distancing yourself from the subject because you know I get distracted when I talk about girls and I hope you know I do not appreciate it.”

 

Lily grinned, “Come on Marley, you  _ love  _ it.”

 

“I am offended on multiple levels, each of which you will experience excruciating retaliation for.” Her friend told her, mocking solemnity as she stood from the bed and held her hand out for Lily to hold, “I don’t know how long the boys can be left alone for without breaking something rare and expensive, we should go and check on them.”

 

Lily groaned, rolling from her place on the bed to stand, “Do we  _ have  _ to?”

 

She knew the answer to the question, and was not properly protesting the idea, but Marlene still huffed as they exited the room and descended the grand stairs of McKinnon Manor. 

 

“Must you always be so difficult to deal with, Evans?”

 

“Would you prefer me any other way?” 

 

The answer to that, however, remained a mystery as they entered one of the many spare rooms of Marlene’s house that James or Sirius had declared as their own. They were met with the sight of Sirius and Remus wrestling and snarling insults at one another aggressively and James sitting against the far wall, legs crossed and playing with Lily’s small kitten that sat in his lap. He seemed to not notice the fighting occurring near him, a calm expression covering his features in a blissful ignorance.

 

Marlene shot Lily a look that so clearly said, ‘I told you so’ before yelling, “ _ What  _ in Merlin’s name is going on?”

 

James looked up innocently towards the source of the yelling as the two other boys broke apart to look toward a very angry Marlene. 

 

“Nothing to see here!” Sirius called out to her, wiping the blood from his bottom lip that was dripping from his teeth as he lunged for Remus.

 

“I just said she was cute!” Remus yelled in between bursts of laughter, “It’s not my fault you’re not a cat person!”

 

Marlene only groaned and leant down to rest her head on Lily’s shoulder, as Sirius snarled once again, “Remind me never to invite them here again, please?”

 

Lily laughed, “You won’t have to tell me twice.”

 

\- 

 

“You do know you’re very obvious, Jamie?”

 

“You do know  _ I  _ know you’re trying to embarrass me?” Lily watched his expression as he glared playfully, Marlene’s mother laughing heartily in return. 

 

“I’m  _ helping  _ you. She’s a very beautiful girl.”

 

“I know, Aunty.” He groaned deeply, his dark skin tinged slightly pink. 

 

“I only asked if she had a special someone.”

 

“No, you asked if she had a special  _ boy  _ which was a large assumption to make.” James told her solemnly, and Lily was more than slightly surprised. It was unusual to hear him defend sexual preference, though she guessed being close to Marlene had resulted in having some degree of respect. 

 

She groaned in what seemed to be remorse, “You know I am old and very new at this. Marley only updated me recently, you know.”

 

James smiled kindly, “I know, I’m just teasing. But you were very obvious in looking toward me in disappointment when she mentioned Elias.”

 

“Well  _ you  _ were very obvious with your abrupt change of topic the minute his name crossed her lips!”

 

A loud laugh from Remus, followed by a threatening growl from Sirius sent a jolt of surprise through her body as she hid silently behind the bannister of the upstairs hallway, looking down to James and Marlene’s mother. The interruption sent guilt rattling down her spine as she looked back toward the pair in the large downstairs foyer. She shouldn’t have been listening in the first place, she knew. 

 

She stood quietly from eavesdropping and returned to the room in which the remaining three of her company could be found, bracing herself for the inevitable questioning that would follow her departure. 

 

Surprisingly, and luckily, they were completely focused on the newest addition to their lives, her small (and seemingly terrified) kitten as she entered. 

 

“Lily! What are you going to name her?”

 

“I haven’t the slightest clue. I don’t want to restrict her identity.”

 

“It’s a cat, Evans.” Sirius deadpanned, “It doesn’t have an identity.”

 

“Don’t be disrespectful to the naming process, Black!” Marlene shouted, “Just because your parents didn’t respect your name-”

 

“It’s. A. Cat.”

 

“Cats are angelic.” 

 

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned to Lily with a glare, “I hope you know that I hate you with a burning passion for bringing that  _ thing  _ into my house.”

 

“It’s not  _ your  _ house!” Marlene yelled, her voice rather high pitched in defence, “Why are you so worked up over a baby kitten?”

 

Remus shot him a sharp look before Sirius turned away angrily, “I dislike cats.”

 

“Well, I dislike you. Go away.”

 

Sirius looked more than slightly hurt over Marlene’s playful joke, turning away with a frown on his face. Before any other chaos could erupt between the group, James arrived at the doorway. 

 

“Hey, Evans, it’s almost 7.”

 

Lily cursed at the prospect of having to return home, but knew that her curfew was limited and non-negotiable, “Thanks, Potter.”

 

She felt Marlene’s eyes on her as she stood and James offered, “I’ll walk you to the door?” It was as though James had read her mind as he stuttered to correct himself, “I mean, I need to talk to my mum and she’s downstairs so, we can walk together?”

 

Lily rolled her eyes, sensing her unnecessary meanness, usually which directed itself toward Potter, surfacing and struggled to push it down, “Sure, Potter.”

 

Her mind raced as she stood and grabbed her cat, wondering how on earth this situation could possibly get any worse. Granted, she had brought it upon herself in her failure to refuse him. 

 

“So.” He began, as soon as they were out of the room.

 

Lily took a deep breath, sensing exactly where the conversation was headed. Surely he wouldn’t ask her out  _ now _ ? Knowing Potter, she wouldn’t put it past him. 

 

“We really need to talk.”

 

His words sent her back to his most recent letter, the words ‘ _ Can we talk? On the train, maybe?’  _ rushing through her mind in a panic. 

 

“Do we?” She asked him, a hopefully intimidating tone entering her voice. 

 

“I, uh.” James ran his fingers nervously through his hair as his cheeks flushed, “I wanted to talk to you, just us. Not like, everyone around. I wasn’t sure we would be able to today, which is why I asked to speak on the train.”

 

“Oh.” Lily felt a smile form on her lips awkwardly, “Okay, Potter. What’s the matter?” 

 

They had reached the front door of Marley’s house, finally, but James didn’t speak. Instead, he opened the door and waited until both of them were standing on the front porch, the space between them illuminated by the witchlight hanging above them. 

 

Lily thought it was rather reminiscent of a muggle film. He stared at her for a few seconds before, “I wanted to apologise,” He blurted, “For the situation last year. And, for that matter, every situation where I made you feel uncomfortable.” He swallowed loudly and looked as if he was begging himself to remember his own words. “You were right, as always, when you told me all those things about myself. I was so  _ so  _ stupid and so wrong, I- I was caught up in everything, all the time and I never stopped to think about the result of my actions until, well, until Sn-Severus called you that word. I realised that if I hadn’t antagonised him, he wouldn’t have been angry enough to say that. And so I just wanted you to know I am so sincerely sorry.”

 

Lily felt that perhaps if she had just watched him grow horns out of his head she would be less shocked as she whispered, “Am I being pranked?”

 

He stopped, seemingly confused before raising his eyebrows, “Uh, no?”

 

She squinted in suspicion, “Did Marley put you up to this?”

 

“No, I... I wanted to apologise myself.” He told her, taken aback as his voice became quickly defensive.

 

“And you’re doing that because..?”

 

“Because,” he took a deep breath, “It was one thing to frustrate you, but it was taken too far when people started getting hurt. And besides, despite my antics, I do want to be friends.”

 

Still with a suspicious expression, she asked, “And you’re going to do that how exactly?”

 

“I’ll stop acting like a first year and grow up.” He told her, reciting her own words back to her. She scoffed and looked away from him, “I’ll...stop jinxing people in the hallways for amusement, I’ll pull  _ only _ harmless pranks and I’ll leave Snape alone. We all will.” He rushed out, speaking as if it was his last breath.

 

“How do I know you’re not just saying this?” Lily asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“Let me prove it to you,” She thought he sounded like he was begging, probably, but he didn’t seem like he could find it within himself to care.

 

She raised one eyebrow and shot him an inquisitive glance, “We’ll see, Potter. You proved to me today that you’re not just obnoxious pranks and cruelty.” At his grin, she quickly became defensive, “But don’t think that’s accepting your apology, because it’s not. You put me through hell for years, a few words won’t fix anything. I have to see it.”

 

Despite her harshness, his grin didn’t falter, “Of course. I would expect nothing less, Evans.”

 

She watched his expression carefully, surprised at his maturity, “See you on the platform, Potter.” 

 

“See you, Evans.” He replied, running his fingers through his hair as she turned to walk down the steps of Marlene’s front door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah im a bad updater but i love u all so much thank u for reading from now on i actually will update every week again my tumblr is tanka-a.tumblr.com if you want to msg me for my next update but i will try my best for weekly updates!!!!! 
> 
> love u all so much xx happy reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the characters and settings of Harry Potter belong to the most amazing woman in the world aka J.K. Rowling, who I thank so much for sharing this world with everyone. Anything you don't recognise belongs to me, I am making 0% profit from this except for the happiness it brings me.

After another reminder to stay safe, Lily walked through the wall and onto the platform with, surprisingly, a Marauder. Not so surprisingly, it was Remus. As the other Gryffindor prefect (and, admittedly, one of Lily’s close friends), they often began the year together. Unfortunately, Elias _had_ ended up going to his family vacation to travel Africa and hadn’t been able to see her off at the platform like they had planned.

“Do you want to find a compartment? I have to try and find Potter.” Lily muttered, who would rather strangle herself than let someone hear her talking to or about James Potter.

Remus smirked knowingly, “Well, isn’t this a role reversal?”

“Shut up, Remus.” Lily snapped, _almost_ blushing at the thought of a mature James Potter. Their conversation outside Marlene’s front door had been somewhat of a revelation to her. Though being a prat was ingrained within the deepest aspects of his personality, he could potentially be cute if this somehow disappeared. Lily knew objectively, James was physically flawless. He had been blessed with dark, caramel skin, jet-black and messy hair and eyes that were kind of green but kind of brown too - hazel, sort of. These features had always seemed irrelevant to Lily, as his personality effectively ruined any attractiveness he possessed.

“I’m going, I’m going!”

 Lily hauled her trunk in one hand, her kitten in the other before spotting someone familiar, “Emmeline!”

 The gorgeous brunette turned (looking so graceful - Lily envied her) and looked in the direction of her name being called before pulling on the hand of the girl she was standing with - Hestia. The pair walked over to Lily, exchanging loud greetings and squeals of excitement.

 “I swear, we’ll meet more this year.” Lily promised, guilt seeping into her mind as she recalled their failed bookclub before their OWL exams.

 "We better, I feel like I almost couldn't recognise you I've seen so little of you!" Hestia told her, albeit with a smile .

After confirming to Hestia that yes, her new haircut looked spectacular and she was very sure Sirius would love it, and to Emmeline that yes, she heard all about Alice and Frank, she started off again, looking for a familiar messy, raven haired head.

 She saw him, engulfed by laughter as he and Sirius lifted their trunks onto the train. She cursed herself as Sirius turned and saw her - she had hoped she could pretend to bump into him, rather than knowing that she had sought him out. He winked in her direction before muttering something to James and promptly moving away, leaving behind a somewhat lost and confused looking James.

“Hey, Potter.” She started, her voice wobbling.

Lily didn’t like to admit it, but. She was incredibly nervous. Nervous that he would make a fool out of her, nervous that she had made a terrible mistake. He didn’t know it, but she had been thinking about him since their visit to Diagon Alley. His apology had shook her to the core, confusing and differing opinions on him changing every dauy since it had happened. She was more than confused by his actions, she was thrown off balance right down to the last nerve in her body because the Marauder’s were maturing, slightly, and she didn’t know how to handle it.

Of course, Remus had apologised to her. Several times. First, in the library after the incident and then again, through letters. She had received 9 letters from Remus throughout the summer, each expressing a new level of sincerity to check on her. Peter had written to her, even when he was the _least_ to blame. Even Black, after their encounter in the common room, had apologised a few days later. That... _that_ had confused her. He told her he knew he was in the wrong, that they probably shouldn’t have done it. But... Potter? It was too much for her to comprehend at one time.

 But after thinking about it she realised she had to say thank you to him, for he had put himself in a position of vulnerability.

 “Thank you for your apology. It meant a lot to me, and I’m willing to give you a chance.”

His eye’s lit up in excitement, “Really?”

 “I- I just wanted you to know it was appreciated.”

 “Of course, Evans.” He smiled, “See you at Hogwarts.”

 Lily nodded, but said nothing to him as he turned to walk away. Now she would get on the train, find their usual compartment and _finally_ be able to tell her friends all about her multiple encounters with James Potter over the summer.

 Just as she began to follow him, strong arms wrapped around her waist as a deep voice whispered into her ear, placing a kiss on her shoulder. “Think I’d miss about your first day, beautiful?”

 “Elias!” Lily cried, turning in his arms. “I thought you were in Morocco _?_ ”

 “Never too busy for you.” He murmured, nuzzling his nose against hers. “Just wanted to wish you luck. You’ll do _amazing_ this year, we both know that.”

 Lily grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck, “Thank you.”

 “Stay safe as well. You with your dangerous and reckless Prefect duties.”

 “Of course. Anything else?” She asked cheekily.

 “Yeah, no flirting with James Potter.”

 Before Lily could reply that _that_ should be the least of his worries, Elias kissed her hard on the mouth. Rough lips kissing her like they were made of velvet, a kiss that made Lily weak at the knees. It was safe and comforting, honey-like and warm, like home and belonging and large family Christmas dinners.

 With the blowing of the whistle, they broke apart. She stared into his eyes, a smile forming at the fact that he was smiling so widely, so happy. So happy about _her_.

 “...And have fun.”

 “Obviously.”

 “Obviously.”

 The second warning whistle blew, urging the last of the students onto the train. As soon as she boarded, Lily turned to wave out the window, hoping the rest of the year would be just as oddly and pleasantly surprising as it had been in that moment.

 

\--

 Their prefect meeting was, surprisingly, overtly boring for Lily. Last year, she had been swelling with excitement for the meeting but now, especially with a Slytherin as Head Boy _and_ Head Girl, she would much rather be conversing with her friends in their compartment. Sunshine (yes, she had decided to call her that and _no_ it wasn’t because of Potter’s suggestion, but rather for the sheer irony of calling a black cat sunshine - (at least that’s what she told herself)) sat on her lap obediently as time progressed slowly onwards, purring quietly.

 She had thought about Potter, which had more than mildly irritated her. Not that he had any influence over the direction of her thoughts, but the mere idea of her thoughts even being directed toward him had begun to frustrate her increasingly as she failed to get him out of her head. Granted, his behaviour over the summer had been more than utterly surprising and had warranted in depth analysis as he had actually been _kind_ and increasingly less arrogant. Despite that not being a great feat for a regular person, Lily thought it to be a large step in the right direction for Potter, who usually would have proceeded to attempt to impress her in a new and utterly ridiculous way.

 She was disrupted by Remus tugging on her sweater, seeing the other Prefects to be standing. She quickly followed, the realisation dawning upon her that the meeting had been adjourned.

 “Can you believe they put us with the fifth years for patrols? I would have preferred to be paired with the Ravenclaws again.” Remus groaned as they left.

 “Hey! What’s wrong with Fenwick?”

“ _Nothing,_ but you always get him. I get paired with that frustrating git Laura Adams.”

 Lily giggled, “Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

 “You have no perception of how bad fifth years can be.” He told her knowingly with a dramatic shudder, “You have not been exposed to the same horrors.”

 Lily snorted at his dramatics as he shot her a grin, “You, Remus Lupin, are truly a Marauder at heart.”

“The fact that you ever doubted me is just further evidence to my extensive knowledge on true nature of those fifth years.”

She snorted and turned down the corridor where their usual compartment was, “You know your compartment isn’t here, right?” She asked him.

“Sorry, Lily. Marauders duty to protect you.”

“You better be joking.” She deadpanned, glaring angrily.

“I am, but I’m still walking you back to the compartment.”

 “You are all so overly dramatic that it physically pains me.” She told him, rolling her eyes and walking quickly ahead of him.

 “You will thank us one day, Lily!” He called out to her, remaining at the top of the aisle. “I’m not leaving until you’re inside that compartment, Evans.”

 She huffed in annoyance, opening the compartment door only to be overwhelmed with giggles and loud conversations, “Happy?” She told him, sliding inside and poking her head out to see him.

He grinned in acknowledgement before turning toward where she guessed his compartment was, leaving her finally with her friends. She turned to face them and was met with four smiling girls looking back at her.

“Lily!”

After the excitement of their greeting, Lily sat between Alice and Mary and begun questioning about their summers, OWLs and the expectations of the welcoming feast.

“I bet the Marauders have a prank planned, as usual.” Alice rolled her eyes, but not unkindly.

“I wonder what it’ll be this year - last year’s was probably their worst so far.” Marlene told them, her nose scrunched up at the memory, “I swear I still can smell the potatoes.”

Lily felt a smile form on her face - she had always silently enjoyed the Marauder’s harmless welcome feast pranks, starting in first year when James and Sirius had ‘accidentally’ charmed the goblets of pumpkin juice of everyone in the Great Hall to that of tiny, frantic spiders. She had been more than slightly impressed with their skills, understanding before she had even walked into one classroom the magnitude of magical skill required to charm an entire hall.

“Speaking of the Marauders,” Alice giggled, “Why was a certain someone out with them in Diagon Alley? And, my next question, why were you speaking with Potter on the platform?”

 The remainder of the girls in the compartment giggled as Lily rolled her eyes, “Must you all be so dramatic? Can I not speak with our classmates?”

 Alice looked as if she was considering her opinion before shaking her head, “ _Not_ when you have spent the entire time I have known you berating their very existence. Have you turned into a dreaded Marauder’s sympathiser, Lil?”

“No! Potter apologised for the circumstances of last year outside Marley’s house, and I was merely demonstrating my appreciation.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me sooner!” Marlene sounded outraged, her arms crossed, “It is my house, after all.”

 Beyond her outrage, Dorcas and Alice snickered, “Showing your appreciation for _Potter?_ How on earth did you manage that?”

Lily could hear the teasing in her voice, the implication as clear as day behind their laughter, “I knew you’d all be too far up in the clouds with your James and Lily love story which, for the hundredth time, does not exist. His actions were so mature, and not to mention out of character. He really surprised me, so of course I had to say thank you.. Which was why Em and Tia saw us on the platform. It’s given me a positive outlook on him, at least.”

“You’re fond is showing, Lily.” Marlene snickered as the other two girls agreed with her.

“What? No! I’m just saying that I expected to come back this year and absolutely despise the ground he walked on because of what happened with Sev-Snape. Snape.”

“And now?” Alice asked, almost squealing with what was clearly excitement.

 “And now, he is becoming merely tolerable company.” The other girls expressed their dissatisfaction with loud groans and complaints.“What? You can’t expect me to declare my undying love for him.”

Her friends mumbled and grumbled in disagreement and before a new conversation could be started about James Potter or his friends, Lily started a topic she knew would have them arguing for hours, “We’ll be close to Hogwarts, soon, who wants first shower back?”

-

 

Lily and Remus had made it, finally, to the Great Hall after their patrols of the train. All of their friends were seated at the Gryffindor table, surrounding a very familiar (and tiny) black kitten, who walked slowly in circles around the table. She watched as they walked closer, James pulling out his wand and charming Sunshine a bright, Gryffindor red, causing what looked like a group of second years beside them to laugh loudly at the now red, disgruntled kitten.

 “What do you think you’re doing to my kitten, Potter?” Lily asked, struggling to keep all amusement from her voice in an attempt to remain intimidating.

 James looked up to her and dropped his wand onto the table, causing sparks to fly out the end as he did so. Remus snorted as he took his seat next to him, exchanging an amused glance with Sirius as James stuttered to find an excuse.

“H-her introductory rites?” James told her, though it seemed more like a question than an answer.

Lily rolled her eyes, unable to stop the smile on her face as McGonagall announced for silence in order for the Sorting ceremony to start.

While she admired the ceremony, having been eager to be part of it herself, she had begun to feel bored. It was, after all, her 6th year at Hogwarts. Still, she clapped all the same when young new additions to her house were made, and chastised Alice’s suspicion of old pureblood surnames of innocent eleven year olds.

Finally, as the last student was sorted into Hufflepuff, Dumbledore stood for his address. Lily listened eagerly every year, and this was no different.

“Welcome!” He told them all, “Welcome, to our newest additions and to the rest of you, welcome back! I hope that you find this year’s feast especially delightful, and that the year ahead is full of wonder and learning. Enjoy!”

As every year, the dishes lining the middle of the table became filled with food of all kinds. Lily heard exclamations of excitement as first years watched mountains of food appear seemingly from nowhere and smiled with fondness, remembering why she loved Hogwarts so much.

“I love magic.” Lily heard Remus murmur before taking ample amounts of everything he could reach.

 The sixth year Gryffindor's spoke avidly throughout the feast, sharing stories of the summer and OWLs that could hardly be expressed through letters.

"Did you hear the Three Broomsticks was almost shut down over the break?" Dorcas asked, clearly distraught. "I could hardly believe it when my mother told me!"

"Merlin's beard, what did they do to be closed?"

"I don't even-" Dorcas was cut off by an almost deafening explosion, followed immediately by screams of terror.

Lily watched as James stifled a laugh and put her fork down, ready to question the Marauders, only for it to explode into a shower of red and gold glitter. Lily’s mouth dropped open in surprise, her hands up in front of her chest in a surrender position as Dorcas, next to her, erupted into giggles of loud laughter. Lily turned to her, only to see her utensils erupt into glitter, forcing a laugh out of Lily at the sheer fear that replaced Dorcas' laughter. 

A chaotic ruckus was heard from the other tables as they tried to escape being showered in red and gold glitter, but found they were stuck to their seats with no other choice than to be covered in the Gryffindor colours. Lily turned around in anticipation of their fury and was not disappointed, throwing her head back in laughter as the school glared toward the Marauders. 

Finally, Lily thought, the Marauders had performed a prank that affected everyone without discrimination, that had been essentially harmless and hadn’t given off the usual air of bullying that wafted around their pranks.

James, Sirius and Peter were holding onto each other in laughter, tears falling from their eyes and running down their cheeks in a way that could only be described as pure joy. Remus was shaking his head in laughter, struggling to get out the words, “I can’t believe you pulled it off.”

Lily pointed her finger at Remus accusingly, “You knew about this, didn’t you? That’s why you kept us down there for so long we were almost late!”

“He’s a Marauder, Evans.” Peter told her, “He just doesn’t look it, which makes him the most deadly!”

Marlene let an outraged scream out of her mouth, looking toward the four boys as she struggled to stand, "What the fuck, guys? You were supposed to leave me out of it!"

 Lily looked toward Dorcas, who was shaking with silent laughter as Alice and Marlene struggled to escape their seats, as were some of the other Gryffindors. She grinned and attempted herself to find that she too was stuck onto the bench, as if there was an unseeable force pushing her shoulders to keep her seated.

Lily looked around, seeing the entire Great Hall was covered in glitter of red and gold (even the Professors!), all through everyone’s hair and stuck to their faces as they struggled to remove themselves from the hall and thought that maybe they weren’t _that bad._ The hall was engulfed in laughter and hysterics at the prank - they had only spread happiness, and maybe a little bit of magic, too.

 

\--

 

After the Great Hall had been cleaned with the flick of the wand, all enchantments lifted, the Prefects and Heads had been asked to lead the first years to their respective dormitories. The Marauders would most likely be punished for their opening school prank, but Lily, walking from the first year’s tour to the common room, thought that they probably couldn’t have cared less.

 “At least,” Remus declared, “My ass is covered, when we receive the inevitable detention. I was with the perfectly responsible Lily Evans.”

Lily’s eyes widened in mock horror, “I won’t have you dragging me into your pranks, Remus!”

“As long as you tell the truth, you’ll be safe.” He told her, mocking sincerity before bursting into laughter, “You’ve got to admit, it was a good welcome back feast.”

Lily sighed in contemplation, “I did like that it wasn’t Slytherin centered. It’s a refreshing change to the usual tricks.” Remus grinned in triumph, so Lily quickly backtracked, “But hey! That doesn’t mean I agree with it to begin with.”

 “Just admit it, Lily.” He told her with a grin as they walked into the common room, “You enjoyed it.”

 

 Truthfully, he was right. She had enjoyed the prank, but refused to let it be known. Her thoughts were interrupted as James' voice echoed throughout the common room,“You can be our Gryffindor mascot, you little baby lion.” Lily heard James coo, picking up the kitten as she spotted him. The red charm hadn’t been taken off of her yet, and was covered in Gryffindor glitter.

 “She looks more like a Sunshine, now. Don’t you think?” Mary asked, “Sorry, Black, I don’t think she’s a Moonlight.”

"I don't care what she's called, she's a demon either way." Sirius retorted, sulking as he glared toward James. 

"Jealousy isn't your colour, Black!" Marlene sung as she joined them, "Your boyfriend will be with you soon enough, not to worry."

“Godric, did you really have to use _glitter?_ ” Alice interrupted, glaring as she spotted Remus with Lily.

“Blame your boyfriend who came up with the genius idea!” He replied, hands up in defence. Frank, standing with his arms around her and his head atop of hers, had an expression equivalent to a very violent ‘shut up’ covering his features.

Alice turned to Frank in surprise, who wore a guilty smile, “In my defence, I had just come back from Christmas with _your_ little cousin, who had put that shit everywhere.”

She grinned, and dropped the subject. Lily could only guess it would be brought up again in a later argument, knowing Alice.

Marlene dropped into a loveseat by the fire with a sigh, “I really can’t wait until tomorrow. I can’t wait to get back into it, as much as I hate it.”

Dorcas snorted, “Speak for yourself, school is shit.”

Marlene rolled her eyes, “We’ll have fun this year - we’re seniors. We get free periods! _Freedom_ , Dorky.”

“When do I get freedom from you, again?” She asked, to which Lily laughed loudly.

Marlene glared before jumping up from her place and grabbing Dorcas (whose face looked as if she would rather be dead) and squished her face against hers, “Never, Dorky! You’re stuck with me forever.”

“Oh joy.” Dorcas grumbled sarcastically before Marlene yelled ‘group hug!’ and Alice and Lily joined their two friends, a smile bright on their faces.

 

\--

 

The next day at breakfast the 6th years received their timetables for the year - starting Lily off with Potions. She sighed in relief, knowing her favourite subject would be the best way to get her back into the school year, which had already been far too stressful. While she was dedicated to being civil with the Marauders, she was not interested in being their next best friend, which had been irritating Marlene since last night. She struggled to make up an excuse as to why she didn’t want to befriend the Marauders, especially since James’ apology, and it was beyond stressful for some reason. (She knew this was because she didn’t _really_ have a good enough excuse, anywhere). How, she wondered, had she ever thought going back to Hogwarts would be easy?

“So, Evans what do you have first?” Lily jumped in fright, James Potter’s voice loud in her ear.

Lily turned to him, suspicious creeping into her tone, “Why is that any of your business, Potter?”  


She instantly became guilt ridden as his smile faltered slightly at her harsh words, before he shrugged, “I’m pretty sure you would have potions first as well, considering there’s no doubt you wouldn’t have chosen it. Do you want to walk to class with me?”

 “Looks like you already completed your Auror training.” She laughed, before catching herself in a state of confusion. Were they conversing in civil conversation already? She guessed it had something to do with the fact that he hadn’t begun by gloating about how he managed to get her to accept his apology, which would have been how their conversation had started a year ago. “We can walk together, if you want. I think Alice has this class too, can we wait for her?”

Her heart was beating _much_ too fast to be having a mundane conversation with James Potter (though was any conversation a mundane conversation with him?) as he smiled, “Sure, Evans. I don’t mind to wait.” 

Lily _really_ had to calm down, she thought, as he waved Alice over with a grin, “You coming, Fortescue?”

“Bloody hell, Potter, give my tiny legs a damn second!”

 

\---

 

“This year we’ll be doing a large portion of partner work as most of our NEWT potions are quite difficult.” Professor Slughorn began. Lily grinned at Alice, who sat beside her. Usually, she hated partner work but in potions she adored it. It was always fun to work together in practical activities, rather than an essay or assignment. “To avoid the inevitable problems that partners will cause, I’ve set the pairs prior to the class.”

The class groaned, Lily joining them in frustration. There was no way Slughorn would have paired her with Alice, the Professor probably recalling their disruptive conversations from previous years.

“Potter and Fortescue, you’re my first pairing!” James turned around and reached his hand out behind him as Alice high-fived him with a grin, Lily glaring at him menacingly.

 “You stole my partner, Potter. You better watch out, now.”

 “He’s terrified, Evans, I’m sure.” Sirius mumbled, mocking sincerity.

 “He better be.”

The pairings went on, Lily listening eagerly for her name. Marlene and Remus were paired together, sending frustration coursing through her body. Two people she would be more than happy to be paired with, officially unavailable. Sirius, too, seemed irritated, letting out a huff of annoyance as Remus’ name was called.

 

Lily looked around the room seeing only two other people she could be sorted with left, Amelia Dutt from Hufflepuff and Sirius.

The remaining three were Slytherin, including Snape, and she begged Slughorn would be kind enough to pair her with someone who she already knew. Theo Paladin, Slytherin, had always been a welcoming face during Prefect patrols, and she would not mind to work with him. Avery, Snape's’ friend, would most likely attempt to poison her and Severus, if given the chance, might have joined him. She knew, however, after having them in his classroom for five years prior, that he would most definitely pair her with Severus, thinking he was doing them a favour.

“Evans and Black.”

Lily was sure her heart stopped, momentarily, as she struggled to ensure she hadn’t misheard him. She hadn’t been paired with Severus after all - but would Black be worse? He was, unfortunately, almost as clever as her, almost always her strongest competition.

“Yeah, Evans!” Sirius exclaimed, turning to her with a giant grin, “Welcome to team Black!” Lily felt her face move into an expression of dislike as the words fell from his mouth, “Yeah, the name is definitely negotiable but I had nothing else. Peter usually comes up with the names, it’s not my strong suit.”

“Clearly,” Lily told him, “We’ll work on it.”

 They moved toward a clear bench, not coincidentally very close to James and Alice as Slughorn began speaking, “For your first potion I would like you to try and make a dose of ‘The Draught of Living Death’. Not many of my students have been able to make this before - so there’s your challenge! You have the rest of the lesson to finish this and I expect it on my desk in a flask by then. You may begin!”

Lily looked at Sirius, “I’ll get the ingredients?”

He agreed and she made her way to the storage room, knowing the ingredients list long before the current moment. She and Severus had made the potion before, each of them enjoying the class more than anything else.

Just as the thought entered her mind, he entered the cupboard and headed straight toward her. She grit her teeth, not expecting him to seek her out so actively, “Leave me alone, Severus.”

“Lily please.”

“I said, leave me alone.”

Lily returned Severus’ pain filled look with a harsh glare, leaving him only to sigh and begin collecting the ingredients. Mere minutes passed before he began speaking again, “I saw you with Potter on the platform.”

Lily’s hand froze as she collected the sloth’s brain. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“What’s it to you, Sev?”

“How could you possibly be friends with him?”

She turned toward him, feeling her temper rise,“Excuse me? Don’t you dare, Severus. Don’t you _dare_ .” 

Lily knew that she would _never_ be friends with Potter, no matter how many apologies he gave her, but it gave her an odd sense of satisfaction to know that Snape thought they were friends. 

 “What do you mean, ‘don’t you dare’! It’s Potter! You hate him! How could you be friends with him after all he’s done?”

“How could _you_ be friends with those Slytherins? You know what they do! There are plenty of nice Slytherins you could choose, and you can’t have possibly not heard what Avery and Mulciber did to Mary last year!”

“But she’s just a mudblood-”

Lily’s eyes widened to the size of golf balls, her anger flaring as she stared at her once best friend. What on earth had he become?

“I suggest you shut your mouth, Snape.” She hissed, turning to leave as he caught her by the sleeve.

“I didn’t mean it, Lily! I’m sorry, okay. What Avery did was a joke, a bit of a laugh, that’s all! Potter and his friends are bullies... They’re dangerous! You can’t believe that ridiculous story of Lupin’s mother being sick every full moon and the other three magically disappearing on those nights-.”

“No, Severus. What happened to Mary was dark magic. Potter may be a bully, but his actions are despicable, not dangerous. Your death eater friends are _torturing_ people! James does not use dark magic, nor does he harm anyone. _You_ were the one that cut him that day.”

Lily blinked rapidly, unsure if she heard herself correctly. Did she just call Potter, James?  


“And as for Lupin?” Snape asked, his anger building. Lily glared even more harshly, knowing she couldn’t let him suspect a thing. Lily had figured out that Remus was a werewolf in the first week of second year - long before any of the Marauders had. When she confronted him, he had broken down and Lily almost threw herself off the astronomy tower for her lack of tact.

 

_“I’m a monster, Lily! An absolute monster ... y-you should just stay away from me.”_

" _Remus don’t-”_

“ _Please don’t tell anyone, please, Lily. You have to swear you won’t say anything,_ please, _I’ll be alone and outcasted and-”_

 

Lily broke off her memory, not wanting to bring back her first kiss in the middle of an argument with Snape. 

“What Remus does is his own business, not yours.”

“I can’t believe it - you really are friends with them. Since when do you call Potter by his first name?”

“Since you started calling people ‘mudblood’.”

And with that, Lily snatched her sleeve from his grasp and left the cupboard in a huff, her cheeks burning and her heart racing. She knew speaking with him would be a bad idea, and begged herself to never do it again.

“Are you okay, Evans?”

Lily sighed as she placed the ingredients out in front of her on the bench, “I’m perfect, Black. Put the pixie wings in first.”

She ignored Alice’s attempt to catch her eye from her place with James, saw Marlene frowning in her direction and knew there was no escaping the inevitable interrogation that would follow the conclusion of the lesson.

“Evans, did something happen?” Sirius looked around the dungeon, adding the ingredient before he suddenly growled menacingly, “It was Snape, wasn’t it?”

“It was _nothing._ ” She told him in anger, hopefully just as intimidating, “Add the sloth’s brain, the potion will be too far gone in a minute.”

Sirius only shook his head, anger radiating from him, “If he did something to you-”

“I am going to do something to _you_ if you don’t add the fucking sloth’s brain, Black!”

Lily heard Marlene’s giggles and saw Alice’s smirk as Sirius retreated and added the next ingredients, clearly wary of her.

“Bloody hell, Evans, you’re a handful.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did it!!! i actually updated less than a month apart!!! i dont think its even been a week but thats okay, i hope you like thisss!!!! comment your thoughts i have no idea if this is even good omg xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Anything you recognise isn't mine, all of it belongs to J.K Rowling :))))

“Hey, Evans!” 

She ignored him, crossing her arms over her chest and walking faster away from him and toward the outside grounds. He rolled his eyes, knowing she definitely heard him and figuring she was possibly the most stubborn girl in all of Hogwarts.

“Evans! You can’t ignore me forever, you stole my bloody potions partner! Besides, we’re stuck together in this free class!” 

_ That  _ stopped her, turning to face him in a whirl of dark red hair, “Give me Alice and I’ll give you Black.”

“Never!” He cried in mock outrage, “I love her!”

“Then I keep Black. Sorry, Potter, I don’t make the rules!”

James laughed as she turned and continued walking, “You are making the rules right now!”

Lily ignored him again, choosing instead to walk to the common room alone. She had her first free class and of course, Potter shared it with her. Alice, Marlene and Dorcas had all chosen Muggle Studies for the NEWTs, which left Lily alone. 

She finally stopped walking, the realisation hitting her that no matter how far she walked, James would most definitely catch up to her. That was exactly what he did as she waited, her foot propped up against the wall behind her.

“You’re never getting Alice, Evans.”

She shrugged her shoulders, “Then you’re never getting your boyfriend back. He is  _ really  _ cute, I understand why you like him so much.”

“I know that was supposed to be insulting but it really failed.”

Lily didn’t falter, “Who said it was an insult, Potter? And I wouldn’t be so pleased with myself, if I were you, you’re the one with separation anxiety.”

He grinned, “That is true, whatever will I do without him?”

“Die, probably.”

“So that’s your diabolical plan, then?”

“Maybe.”

She couldn’t help it anymore, she broke completely and let out a loud laugh, James following suit seconds after. She couldn’t believe this was how her first day of sixth year was being spent - laughing with James Potter. 

He shot her a cheeky grin as she stopped laughing, “Do you trust me?”

“No.” She snorted.

“Fine,” He said, still smiling (which she thought was fairly odd, considering she had just insulted him),  “Do you want to have some fun?”

\--

 

Lily should have said no. 

She knew that as soon as ‘yes’ tumbled out of her mouth, she should have said no. 

Instead, she was hiding behind a tapestry on the sixth floor with James Potter, watching Peeves, the schools biggest trickster (other than the Marauders). 

“And what exactly are we doing, Potter?” She asked, still unable to believe she was in his company in what (so far) seemed to be peace. She was betraying all younger versions of herself in the single act.

“Watch him,” Lily did as told, watching as the poltergeist spat out wads of gum and stuck them in the key holes of doors. “See what he’s doing? He’s a git, even ‘alohomora’ doesn’t work.”

She snorted, “That’s a muggle trick.”

“Muggles  _ can  _ outsmart magic.” James noted, turning to her, “You should know that. But magic can outsmart muggles, too.”

Before she could say anything of the sarcastic ‘obviously’ sort that was on the tip of her tongue, she heard James mutter, “ Waddiwasi ”, and before she could even ask what it would do, it sent the pieces of gum shooting up Peeves’ nose, causing him to sniffle and yell. 

She clamped her hand over her mouth in hysterics as the nuisance that was Peeves soared around the room, yelling and knocking over cabinets with loud crashes in annoyance. James motioned with a grin for her to follow him, suggesting for them to make a hasty exit before Peeves saw them and chased them around the entire castle. As soon as they were out of earshot, Lily let out a loud laugh which was echoed by James, an eruption of excitement and adrenalin.

She knew she was in trouble when she was laughing with James Potter.

She should have said no. 

“I can’t believe you did that!”

James shrugged before telling her, “Remus showed me”, as if that was enough of a justification of his actions.

They were quiet for a moment, standing idly in the fourth hallway before Lily uttered, “The Slug Club.”

James shot her a look of bewilderment, looking as if all words of the english language escaped him before, “ _ What?” _

“The Slug Club! I’ll be out for sure.”

He snorted, “Relax, Evans. You won’t be evicted from the ‘Slug Club’ - the only way you could manage to accomplish that would be by smashing his crystal pineapple.” Lily smiled, but said nothing. “Oh come on, Evans. All you did was empty the cauldron over Snape’s head, and it definitely could have been mistaken for an unfortunate outcome of you tripping over. You only got two nights detention!”

Lily laughed, amused as a memory lifted to the surface of her mind, “Last time I served detention was because I stuffed those slugs from Care of Magical Creatures down your shirt last year, do you think this is great enough to follow that up?”

James shuddered, “Merlin, that was disgusting. I still haven’t forgiven you for that.”

“What a horror, I’ll never get over it.”

James snorted, “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve got two weeks of detention every night polishing trophies for Filch for the prank at the Feast.”

Lily laughed loudly, “You deserve that. Is Remus suffering the same fate, or did I actually be of some use to you four?”

“No, just Sirius, Pete and me. Remus didn’t really deserve it, anyway. McGonagall is already regretting making me Quidditch Captain, as was expected.”

When Lily turned to James, she was surprised to find him grinning. “You don’t seem too concerned.”

“Nah,” He swallowed before speaking again, as if he was choosing his words carefully, “She would never revoke it - she knew who she gave it to when she chose me.”

Lily hummed in acknowledgement, “I guess there are worse choices.”

“Yeah? Like who?”

But before Lily could retort who exactly would be worse than James, the booming bell was signalling that it was time for their next class. 

“I’ve got Arithmancy next, so I’d better go. What do you have?”

“Free class.” He smirked, “Do you want me to walk you? Just incase, you know, you swerve off the rails again and end up breaking someone’s jaw this time?.”

“Ha, ha.” Lily laughed dryly, “Very funny. I’ll be fine, I think. Thanks, Potter.”

“Anytime, Evans.”

Lily left him, a secret smile playing on her lips. Her time spent with James had been not nearly as unbearable as she had thought it would have been. Not that, under any circumstance, was she prepared to fall to her knees and proclaim her undying love for him, but. A chance might be of some possibility. 

She should have said no.

Lily’s daydreaming was cut short when she ran directly into someone. Looking up, that  _ someone  _ was Emmaline.

“So, are the rumours true?” Emmaline asked, a smirk decorating her features as her eyes looked down at Lily knowingly.

“Rumours?”

“That a certain James Potter and a certain Lily Evans were left alone in their free class and said Potter wooed said Evans off her feet?”

“No! Who told you that?”

Her smirk didn’t fade though. In fact, it only grew larger at Lily’s partial lie.

“Alice. And Sirius, but I don’t think he has much credibility with you.”

Lily caved, rolling her eyes. “Come on, I’ll tell you about it in class. What’s this about you telling people I was talking with said Potter on the platform?”

“Well, you  _ were...” _

 

\--

 

“POTTER!”

Lily’s flustered, angry tone rang through the common room, making James’ hair stand on end with stress. An angry Lily never meant anything good.

“Uh, yes?” James called back, honestly scared of the girl walking towards him, fiery red hair flowing behind her to match her temper. 

“Why in the name of Godric  _ bloody _ Gryffindor is there a rumour going around that we were snogging in the common room during morning class?”  Lily’s eyes blazed with anger as she glared at James. James glanced towards Remus, Sirius and Peter who all looked a mix between amused and confused.

“Don’t look at them, look at me! Did you tell somebody that?”   


“N-no! No, I would never-” James spluttered, not able to find the words. 

“Then what? Because  _ someone  _ started the rumour, and  _ you  _ are the only suspect.”

“But it wasn’t me!”

“If it wasn’t you, then who was it?” she told him, hopefully menacingly. 

“I don’t know, Evans! It’s not my responsibility  to figure out your problems!” Lily saw Remus put his head in his hands as James yelled back toward her, but she found little solace in his disappointment. 

“This is  _ just  _ as much of your problem as it is mine.”

“It isn’t! I don’t give a shit what people say about me.”

“Oh!” Lily laughed hollowly, a sarcastic take on realisation, “I forgot! You’re  _ James Potter,  _ Quidditch extraordinaire with an amazing superiority over everyone else here.”

“ _ I’m  _ bad for having fun? I didn’t know that made me worse than a bloody Death Eater! I didn’t know that it meant I was worse than Snape, who called you  _ that _ word: because you seem to forgive him for just about anything while I’m constantly to blame for every second of your misfortune.”  James was livid, his fists clenched and his eyes narrowed behind his wire-framed glasses as sarcasm rolled off his tongue with a venomous force. 

Lily flushed with anger, “Don’t speak about what you don’t know, Potter.”

“Don’t patronize me, Evans. Everyone knows that’s exactly what he’s becoming-”

“Shut your mouth, Potter!"

“Fine!”

“Fine!” She repeated, eager to irritate him further as she left their argument and moved to the stairs of the dormitories. The argument was far from over, but she had had enough.

“Good!”

“Fuck off, Potter.” She told him, walking up the stairs and away from the common room.

“Love you too, Evans!”

A frustrated groan was heard from the top stairs of the girls' dormitories and the rest of the Gryffindor house who had been listening to the fight chuckled before going back to their business.

“I’m not sure who won that.” Remus chuckled as James walked past his group of friends, sitting expectantly. 

“Fuck off, Moony.” He muttered, leaving them and moving to the dorm. How was he ever supposed to be friends with Lily Evans if they could barely hold a conversation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip this was so short and all over the place but i hope you enjoy jily's developing relationship as much as i dooooo ily thanks for reading xxx
> 
> tumblr: tanka-a.tumblr.com


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing of this is mine!! All of it goes to J.K Rowling :)))

Lily found out two days later that the rumour had been spread by David Nawl, a Ravenclaw 6th year that had thought himself hilarious after witnessing the two walking together. The school was hardly immune to witnessing the pair's usual arguments and immense hatred that had been shard between them over the years, and their civil encounter had sparked his 'joke'. Despite Marlene’s desperate attempts to settle the dispute between the two, Lily (and James) was too stubborn and angry to listen to her. As the first week of school went by, Lily acknowledged what she had failed to do so in the summer: while James and herself were certainly able to hold civil conversation, it would never last, they were too incompatible to refrain from arguing. 

“Hey, Evans!” Lily groaned as Sirius’ voice caught to her before she had an opportunity to climb the stairs to her dormitory. She supposed it would be rude, even for her, to ignore him completely. They had become friends, to some degree, as he didn’t let her problems with James stop him from bothering her at meal times, nor laughing with her in potions. He seemed loyal, like a puppy, even to her. 

“What do you want, Black?” 

“I was just wondering when I would get to hang out with Moonlight again.”

“Her name is Sunshine.” She glared, her teeth clenched together as she glowered in frustration at the fact that she had picked Potter’s name. She should have just named her Daisy or something of her own choosing. “Besides, you hate her.”

“Of course. But maybe if you went to the Halloween dance with me in a few weeks she’d go with James? You know how much she loves him. And he’s more of a cat person than I am. Personally, I’d call myself a dog person.”

Lily blinked a few times, almost thinking that it was  _ James _ she was talking to. Was Sirius Black actually asking her out?

“Um - pardon?”

“Do you want to go to the dance with me?”

“Sorry, Black, I’ve already got a date. But don’t think I can’t see through the transparency of you trying to set me up with  _ Potter _ .”

And with that, Lily stormed into her dormitory, frustration coursing through her veins. Why were they so incessant? Despite their friendship, he was ultimately a Marauder and ultimately James’ best friend. 

“Lily? What’s wrong?”

Lily jumped, surprised as the voice penetrated the silence of what she had assumed was an empty dormitory. Alice poked her head out of the four-poster bed with an expression of confusion as she took in her best friend’s anger. 

“The Marauders.” Lily groaned, “They won’t leave me alone. Sirius Black just asked me to the Halloween dance as if he’s  _ not  _ already engaged to Remus.”

“Did you say yes?” She asked, looking torn between laughter and concern. 

Lily felt her face form an expression of bewilderment, “You’re joking, right? I had to lie and say that I already had a date.”

“Yes, I’m joking. What’s the  _ real  _ reason you’re so upset?”

“Every other year at Hogwarts Potter was an annoying presence, but he didn’t seem to be in all aspects of my life. Now it’s like we’re all friends - you and Dorcas are so neutral on the topic, you’ve become the worst ‘Marauder sympathisers’ ever.”

Alice grinned at the use of her nickname, “Why is that so bad, Lil? We’ve only got two years left - don’t you want to make the most of it?”

Lily looked to her in outrage, “I don’t want to hear unknowing accusations about the Death Eater status of Severus at any point in time from Potter. I’m not interested in listening to the Marauder’s speak badly of him and planning their pranks -”

“In all the conversations I’ve had with each of them, it has never been about a single Slytherin - and especially not about Snape. They’re funny and silly and sarcastic - like Remus. But you somehow separate him from the others like he’s different, but he’s not. I’m not trying to encourage you to be their best friend - but you give no opportunity for Potter to even converse with you.”

Lily considered Alice’s words -  on one hand, she could see where she was coming from. Pranking Peeves with James had been exhilarating and hilarious, her short conversations with Peter in History of Magic were never rude nor were they unpleasant - and Remus had always been her friend. Sirius Black was another story, but he hadn’t been overly unbearable in Diagon Alley, nor their shared potions classes.

“And,” Alice started, her expression as if she was ready to begin on a tangent, “their pranks aren’t even  _ immature,  _ they’re hilarious and highly skilled.”

“Alice...”

“Lily!”

“Okay,  _ fine.  _ I know you’re right, as usual. But how am I supposed to be around Potter when his existence makes my blood boil?”

Alice gave her a flat look, “Evidently, it’s not  _ always.  _ You had fun with him in that free class! Just treat him like he’s one of us.”

Before Lily could reply in any form, the dormitory door had burst open and Marlene flung herself inside, panting as she dug through the items sprawled over her bed.

“What the bloody hell is wrong with you?” Alice asked, looking toward Marlene in confusion. 

“Quidditch...try outs. Potter, stupid  _ Potter.” _

Dorcas, who had made it to the open door of the dormitory gave a knowing look as she leant against the doorway, “Potter called Quidditch try outs today and Marley was seemingly unaware that she had to be there, despite being on the team for four years.”

“Shut up, Dora! I just forgot, okay, I’ll still make the team!” She was more than slightly hysterical, throwing her clothes over the dorm with little discrimination. 

Lily watched Dorcas soften slightly before murmuring, “I’ll beat Potter to a pulp if he doesn’t let you on the team, okay? Let’s get you down there.”

Before Lily could comprehend the situation even slightly, the girls were rummaging through the dormitory in an attempt to find Marlene’s Quidditch gear for try outs. When they had closed the door behind them, on their way to the pitch, the room had been a mess of clothes and belongings strewn across the floor. 

Upon reaching the pitch (and listening to Sirius berate Marlene for being late to James’ first try outs), the remaining three girls found their way to the stands, watching as James clapped his hands together and called order. She was surprised as James commanded the attention of what seemed like over fifty people, students of ages 12 to 17. He separated the large group into beaters, chasers, seekers and keepers, moving each group to a separate area of the pitch.

James told the group that while he would consider the players that had been on the team last year, there was no real assurance they would have the spot if someone proved to be better than them, “I’m not looking for a team of friends, but a team of the best Quidditch players in Gryffindor. I don’t care if you’re in second year or seventh - if you’re good, you’re on the team.”

Lily had always refrained from watching Quidditch - mostly because, as much as she hated James, she couldn’t help but blush at the sight of his muscles bulging, his features in a concentrated expression as he flew. As she had discovered in 3rd year, when her hated for him had reached its peak, the minute she watched him in a Quidditch match she could be turned into a replica of one of his fangirls that so desperately chased after him.

After hours of watching James yell at people (mostly Sirius) and threaten to never put them on the team without truly meaning it (again, mainly at Sirius) Lily was exhausted.  Marlene had tried for Seeker and had (most likely) gotten the position - having had it since second year. Only the Keepers were left - thankfully. 

“You know the drill. Whoever saves the most shots out of 5 becomes the new Keeper. Myself, McKinnon and Chelsea are going to take turns being opposing chaser.”

Lily watched as James tucked the quaffle under his arm, muscles once again bulging under his jersey, his legs clenched around the broomstick and his hair flying in every direction.  The 4th year in the goals missed as James aimed the quaffle in the complete opposite direction to where the boy was flying. 

She grinned, hoping the second year girl got the position. Nobody had expected her to be the position of Keeper - she was small and agile, the typical build for a Seeker rather than someone larger who should be able to dodge between the three goals.The small girl was next to the goals, looking nervous as Marlene flew towards her, throwing the quaffle toward the opposite goal she was in front of and, in a turn of unexpected events, hit the quaffle back toward Marlene, stopping it from its goal.

Lily cheered inwardly, hoping to see the girl make the best score out of all the (much larger) boys trying for the position.

“Have you thought about what I said, Lil?”

Lily groaned, “Yes, Ali. I know you’re right. I’ll try harder - he isn’t  _ that  _ bad.”

Alice grinned in triumph, “You can thank me later!”

\---

Not even a few days later, the Gryffindor Quidditch team results were put up in the common room, Marlene having been made Seeker and Sirius one of the beaters. Judging from the angered look of most of the Keepers that had tried out, Lily had guessed Potter had made the second year girl the Keeper in possibly his smartest decision yet.

In their celebratory breakfast in Marlene’s honour, Lily had received an owl from Elias detailing his work at St. Margoes, “He’s finished training.” Lily told her friends sadly, “He’ll be starting work within the week.”

“That’s brilliant, Lily! Why do you look like someone told you to stick your head in a cauldron full of sloth brains?”

She sighed, knowing her answer was beyond selfish reason, “He will be far too busy to see me, now.”

The girls acknowledged the fact with sympathy, knowing the constant strain that Healers were put under, especially at such a large unit as St. Margoes.

“So,” Alice started, changing the subject with Lily, “Have you thought about our conversation about a certain group of boys?”

Lily rolled her eyes. James and Lily still weren’t speaking, though was she speaking with the rest of the Marauders.  Not that she minded, and it absolutely did  _ not _ bother her at all. She walked around with a skip in her step and happily enjoyed every class ignoring the hell out of James Potter. 

(She knew none of that was true, she really was slightly bothered by it.  _ Slightly.) _

“I don’t see why I should have.”

Alice tutted, “You’ve got to give him at least one chance, Lil. You said you would!”

“And I have! He’s ignoring me just as heavily as I am him. And I’m talking to Sirius! I’m sure both ends will be perfectly content without the other, Alice. He’s survived five years without me, I think he can survive a little while longer.”

 

\--

James watched as Alice and Lily bickered relentlessly, the argument complete with rolled eyes and crossed arms by both parties, frustration emanating from the two.

“Merlin, Prongs, I’d hate to see you being obvious if you think  _ that  _ is subtlety.”

James turned to Remus, who sat beside him, smirking as he ate what looked like the sweetest mango James had ever seen.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re watching Lily like she’ll disappear any second - just ask her.”

The Halloween party was on Friday night and, surprisingly, James hadn’t asked Lily yet. He took it as progress.  “She’ll say no, and I’m not frustrating her more, nor am I going to embarrass myself further. I’m working on the friendship thing, Remus.”

“Sorry, I forgot you were set on troubling the poor life out of Lily Evans.”

James turned to him, a frown ready, but was stopped when he met Remus’ cheeky grin. “Shut up, Moony.”

“Aren’t you not even speaking?”

“Just when I think you lot can’t get any more unhelpful, you take it a step further, Wormtail.”

“Are we pranking on the Halloween Dance, or we are not?” Sirius asked them, sounding overly frustrated for somebody who just got the last eggs at breakfast. 

“I told you, Lily doesn’t like pranks.” James told him, “We’re being mature.”

“Where did James go?” Remus asked, his tone tinged with amusement as Peter snorted into his breakfast.

Sirius, however, was not amused, “I’d like to know the same thing, actually.”

Before either James or Remus could reply, Sirius had left the Gryffindor table and was headed for the exit. James turned to his friend, complaints on the tip of his tongue, but said nothing as the expression on his face turned to concern. James, watching Sirius go, thought privately that Remus should take his own advice on subtlety.

\--

“Black! Do you have a date for the dance?” Dorcas asked, her voice much too loud for a common room, Sirius thought. It was four in the afternoon - a time of relaxation and enjoyment, not time for Lily Evans and her stupid friends to yell at him across the common room. 

“Sorry Meadows, you know I don’t mind your company but I really don’t fancy being knocked around by Fenwick-”

“Not for me, you prat. Answer the question!”

“Well, I asked Evans but she said no, so.” Sirius tried not to notice the bitterness in his own voice as he spoke of his newly found arch-nemesis.

“Don’t take it personally, she says that to everyone.” Dorcas laughed a little at herself before continuing, “I’ve found you a date!”

“Oh, joy. Who is it?” Sirius asked dryly.

“It’s a blind date! You’ll find out on Friday and you’ll meet at 7.30 in the Entrance Hall.”

“Meadows...” Sirius warned.

“Relax, she’s in Gryffindor. You know her. Now go find some dress robes or something, make yourself useful.”

Sirius grumbled away, feeling extremely sorry for himself. Not only was he grumbling against the injustice that was his best friend’s obsession with Lily Evans, but he couldn’t even find his own date to the dance. He was losing his touch. 

“Moony, I’m upset.” He told him as he entered the dorm, landing on the bed that Remus was sitting on.

“Why’s that, Pads?” Remus asked, not even lifting his eyes from the pages of his book.

“James won’t speak to me and I have a bloody blind date for Friday which was set up by Meadowes so Merlin knows who it’ll be. I don’t even want to go with a girl but I can’t even tell anyone that.”

Remus peered over the top of his book, seeing Sirius sitting in front of him on his bed and raised an eyebrow, “James isn’t not speaking to you.” He turned the page, “He simply feels like you’re not speaking to him in this non-existent argument that he seems to think is real.”

“What?” Sirius yelled, jumping from the bed, ignoring the fact that Remus ignored his date situation. “When did this happen?”

“After morning class because of the way you behaved at breakfast. You’re making your jealousy very obvious, by the way.”

Sirius flushed, “I’m not jealous, Moony.”

“You’re angry that Lily is stealing James from you and they’re not even friends. You are jealous, Sirius.”

Sirius squirmed uncomfortably, “I’m confused about why we can’t prank on the Halloween Feast - that’s our event, Moons! And he wants us to change it for Evans? She’s not even that great, all she does is complain and yell at him. Besides, she  _ loves  _ our pranks! She told me so.”

Remus rolled his eyes fondly at his friend, “I didn’t say I understood it. He was very angry when he came to me, and the last thing I wanted to do was make it worse.”

Sirius huffed in annoyance and sat back down again. “I’ve got to speak to him.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now Remus! This is a vital moment in our friendship’s history and I must preserve it. I will not walk back into this dorm until our relationship is fixed.”

“Alright, Sirius.”

He marched straight out of the dorm and down to the Gryffindor tower entrance. Sirius pulled out the Marauder’s Map out of his pocket, sneaking a quick look to see if anyone was around before murmuring “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

Pride swelled within him as the Map opened, and couldn’t help but think about how absolutely  _ brilliant  _ last year had been for them in terms of new developments to help them increase the wonder of their pranking skills. He looked through every room that was drawn onto the map and couldn’t find James anywhere. That meant one thing only - he was in the Shrieking Shack.

Sirius quickly put the map away, muttering ‘Mischief managed’ and shoving it in his back pocket before running down to the Whomping Willow, casting an  _ immobulus  _ charm and crawling into the entry. 

“Prongs?”

James ignored him, but Sirius knew he was there. He had to be.

“I think there’s been like, a misunderstanding.” Sirius started, “And I really want my best friend back.”

James peered out from the four-poster bed that was so deformed it barely passed as a bed. It was absolutely covered in scratches and  basically falling apart but. It was theirs. The Marauders’.

“Do you fancy telling me why you’re not speaking to me?”

“I  _ am  _ speaking to you - we’ve been ignoring each other for no reason.”

“Then what was that at breakfast?”

Sirius groaned in embarrassment, “I don’t want Evans taking you from me - we always do a Halloween prank, but now we can’t because you want to impress Evans? I don’t mind helping you get her and all that - but I want my best friend.”

“I’m sorry, Pads. I don't even- ugh. I thought that would impress her, or something.”

“And we will! But without sacrificing the parts of you that everyone else loves. If she doesn’t like parts of who you are, she’s not right for you.”

“You love me, too?” James asked, barely containing his laughter as he looked down at Sirius. 

Sirius laughed, reaching up to mess up James’ hair as they walked out of the Shrieking Shack, “Of course, Prongs.”

And just like, peace was restored in the Marauders’ group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i name my chapters i feel like i should but i really lack the creativity to do so rip but i hope you're enjoying this!! 
> 
> hmu for anything :) tumblr: tanka-a.tumblr.com


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: As usual this isn't mine bye

It seemed like every person Lily knew had a date for Friday. She hadn't bothered to ask anyone in the hope that her friends would forego a date and they could go together - her first mistake. 

"It’s okay, Lil. Just go with us!” Hestia grinned, joining hands with Emmeline. “The three of us can go together!”

They were currently sat in the library, meeting up for their weekly ‘book club’ that had turned into a gossip session rather than a book session, considering they were its only members.

“Thanks guys, but I don’t want to be an even larger third wheel than I will already. You guys are,” She paused, unsure how to describe their relationship. “... best friends.” They gave her a sympathetic look as Lily continued to pout, ignoring her pause. “Ali is going with Frank, Dorcas is obviously going with Benji, Marlene doesn’t even know it but she’s going with Sirius Black-”

Hestia let out a little squeak and held tighter onto Emmeline’s hand. “No,” she groaned, “I should have asked him!”

“...Anyway. Mary is going with Peter Pettigrew, don’t even  _ ask  _ how that happened, and I’m stuck going alone. The Marauders and their friends have taken over my friendship group. These are the problems of having a boyfriend that doesn’t go to school with you.”

“Aw, Lily. Why don’t you just go with James?”

Lily glared harshly at Emmeline, “Are you kidding me? No thank you.”

“He  _ did  _ get incredibly hot over the summer - hotter than before, I mean. More muscle, less gangly limbs, and is it just me or did he finally let his hair grow out-”

“Tia...”

“Surely he’s asked you!” Emmeline interrupted, obviously uninterested in getting into an argument. 

Lily rolled her eyes, laughing in an almost hysterical manner. “Nope. Not even Potter has asked me. He’s going with Jessica Vane, that 5th year that tried to give Sirius love potion-.” When her friends raised their eyebrows, Lily rolled her eyes.  “Or something like that. I don’t care, I’m so relieved I don’t have to decline his ridiculous offers anymore, I mean. Can you believe him? He told  _ me  _ to stay away from  _ him!  _ Like I would voluntarily go near him.  I thought that, at the beginning of this year, Potter had matured into someone I could spend my time around and instead, he’s the same arrogant  _ idiot  _ he was when we left last year.”

Hestia grinned at the end of Lily’s monologue, while Emmeline smirked widely. “You loooove him, Lily.”

Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes, “I’m not going to even put value into that statement with a response, Tia. I believe that brings our book club to a close! I must be going, lots to do!” She threw her books in her bag, kissed both girls on the cheek quickly and left, not wanting to have anymore discussions on the topic of James Potter.

 

\--

“Alright, settle down everyone! Class does start when I enter, you know." Slughorn chuckled, not to be taken seriously. "Today we will be creating Amortentia! Does anyone know what that is?"

Lily’s hand shot straight up in the air without hesitation, causing a snort to erupt from Sirius beside her.

“Yes, Miss Evans?”

“Amortentia is the strongest love potion there is, and gives off a scent which is multifaceted and varies based on what one finds desirable.”

“10 points to Gryffindor! You are very right indeed, Miss Evans. Please note, this potion does not create love but rather intense infatuation. Which is why, ladies and gentlemen, it is possibly one of the most dangerous potions one could brew. You'll be brewing it today and placing it in a vile on my desk by the end of the lesson. Black and Fortescue, Professor McGonagall has requested your presence in her office, so I'll be setting this for next lesson - your partners will be paired for today."

Lily felt her stomach drop as she realised who Alice's partner was - James bloody Potter. "Have fun, Evans." Sirius drawled, picking up his books and linking arms with Alice as they left the dungeons. She turned to shoot him a glare, figuring he was somehow responsible for this. 

James moved toward her bench, shrugging slightly with a sheepish grin, “I guess we can be civil for just this lesson?”

She rolled her eyes as her only response and sent him with the list to the storage room, a smirk playing on his lips. 

He returned with ashwinder eggs, rose thorns, peppermint, powdered moonstone and pearl dust in all their accurate amounts, placing them on the bench with his smirk still resting on his face.

She ignored it, instead beginning the potion with little conversation required between them. She focused heavily on ignoring the smirk on his lips, the smug look irritating her hugely before she couldn’t help herself. “Your smirk is really bugging me, Potter.” She told him, the pair halfway through the potion.

“It’s really attractive, I know.”

“What? No!” 

James laughed, “I’m kidding, Evans.”

“You should just focus on the potion. Add the moonstone, please. I have to stir.”

What felt like hours later, the desired steam began to rise from the potion. Lily grinned in accomplishment as James leant down to smell the potion in front of him, “I can’t smell anything, are you sure we did this right?”

Lily frowned, “Your senses are probably broken with all that smirking. I  _ know  _ I got this right.”

She leant forward, taking a deep breath of the potion’s steam, noting no change in smell from seconds prior.

Her frown deepened as she pulled away and James snorted, “Clearly not. You got it wrong.”

“ _ We  _ got it wrong. And maybe I could have gotten it right if you weren’t so busy suffocating me in your shampoo! Where do you even get a shampoo that smells like bloody cinnamon sugar, anyway?”

“ _Me_? You’re one to talk, Evans, your rose perfume is giving me a bloody asthma attack!”

Remus had turned around with a grin on his face, clearly holding back laughter, “What’s so funny?” Lily frowned. 

“I can’t believe Lily got a potion wrong, is all.” Remus snickered. 

“Get fucked, Remus! Where is Black when I need him, we would never have gotten this wrong.”

“I was just thinking the same thing!”

Before Lily could retort, Slughorn called out, “Potions in a vile, please! The period is about to end.”

Lily sighed in defeat, placing the potion in a vile and leaving it on the bench. “I can’t believe I actually failed something in potions, all thanks to bloody Potter.”  She was disappointed that she had not smelt the familiar smell of expensive leather and cologne that she had come to associate with Elias, missing her boyfriend more than anything.

“Did you enjoy that lesson?” Marlene giggled, bumping shoulders with Lily as they walked to Transfiguration, Alice now in tow. 

Lily frowned, “Not particularly. I can’t believe Potter fucked up the potion.”

Marlene and Alice exchanged glances, “What did he do?”

“I couldn’t smell a thing! All I could smell was Potter’s stupid shampoo, he must have ruined the potion somehow.”

Marlene’s eyes flashed and her mouth slid into a smile that she looked like she was trying very hard to contain. “Nothing except Potter, you say?” She asked, elbowing Alice in the ribs multiple times.

“Yeah.” Lily frowned again, bewildered as Alice groaned, shooting Marlene a nasty glare.

“Oh, the horrors of misunderstood love. Well, would you look at that? We’re at your classroom now!” Alice motioned, pushing Lily towards her transfiguration class.    


“Don’t you have this class too?"  The girls ignored her as the entered the class and sat away from her. Lily rolled her eyes, accustomed to the unusual nature of her friends, instead sitting beside Remus. 

“We’ll be continuing our work from our previous lesson, so you may begin your practical work.” McGonagall’s voice instantly converted the room to silence without even the slightest raise in volume. 

Lily, who was far from working on transfiguring animals, yet, decided to practice her non-verbal charms rather than transfiguration, considering it was required before she could complete the latter. Wordless incantations had challenged her more than she ever had dreamed as she found she was often unable to stop herself from whispering the spells under her breathe, rather than achieving them in silence as they were required to. 

“ _ Remus _ !” She groaned as he laughed, watching as she tried and failed to perform the spell wordlessly. “This isn’t funny!”

“Oh but it so is.” He cried, “I have sat next to you for how many years, now? Five? And I have never seen you struggle with anything, ever.”

Before Lily could retort, Professor McGonagall cut her off, quite untimely.“Quiet, please! Miss McKinnon, until every person in this room can turn their bird into a toad without saying the incantation, I expect no talking - that does not include you, Potter!”

Lily looked to the back of the class where James had wordlessly transfigured his bird like it was as easy as first year work. She scowled in irritation - of course  _ Potter  _ would be able to, consistently showing her up in the class she despised most of them all. 

“He’s such a git.” She muttered to Remus, who only snorted in response. 

 

\--

 

“Did you hear Remus is taking Lily to the dance?” Sirius asked James lazily as they made their way to the common room, their last class for the day finally finished. 

“ _ What?” _

“Remus asked Evans to go with him. I thought, maybe...” He trailed off before sighing, “I thought maybe she’d go with one of her friends.”

“Why on earth would she go with  _ Moony?”  _

Sirius shrugged, “They’re friends, I guess. Don’t tell me you regret asking Vane, now! I thought you were, for only the hundredth time, ‘getting over her’?”

James rolled his eyes, “I’m telling you, I’m over her. She’s just...frustrating.”

His friend smirked, but said nothing further on the subject of Lily Evans, “Vane said yes, I suspect?”

“Yes.” James grumbled, “But I don’t like her. She’s so irritating and  _ boring _ \- she agrees with literally everything I say.”

Sirius snickered as they reached their dorm, dropping their books and quickly gathering their clothes for the dance,“What, you like competition? Arguments?  _ Sexual tension?” _

“Oi! Fuck off, Pads.” There was no conversation as they got ready until,

“At least she’s hot, I guess.” Sirius called out as he was fixing his hair for what could have been the ninetieth time.

“At least she’s hot.” James agreed dryly.

They arrived to the Great Hall an hour later than they were expected, something Sirius called ‘fashionably late’. Marlene trotted over toward them as they entered, linked at the elbow to a very bored looking Lily, and sighed, “Dorky paired us up.”

She glared at Sirius and James chuckled as Dorcas’ entirely inaccurate attempt of matchmaking came to the fore, “Don’t laugh, Potter. Your date is one lonely song away from physically harming you.”  James cringed at her words - he had hoped that Jessica would be distracted by someone else (she was hardly short of admirers) in his absence, though his chances now seemed slim. 

“Remus! Let’s dance!” Lily grinned, untangling herself from Marlene and extending her hand to Remus, “We’re going to be the best pair out on that dance floor.” He heard her tell his friend matter-of-factly before they disappeared from his earshot.

He watched Sirius shrug before he grabbed her hand with a grin, “We’re going to the drunkest ones here, Marls. See ya, James!”

 

\--

 

“I can’t believe I’m stuck here with Sirius!” Marlene groaned, her head in her hands as Lily grabbed ‘non-alcoholic’ punch from the table. They had left their dates to find drinks as the boys claimed they were exhausted (hough Lily could have sworn they had worse separation anxiety than Sirius and James.)

“Aren’t you the one that tells me he’s ‘not that bad’?”

“Well isn’t this a lovely role reversal.” Marlene muttered, cheeks flushed. “I don’t want to be here with someone who clearly wants to be here with somebody else. Besides,  _ I  _ want to be with someone else.” Is all she said before turning away and leading Lily back to their dates, who were seconds away from play fighting, reminding her of their encounter over the summer. Lily had a vague feeling she knew  _ exactly  _ who Marlene wished she was with, but said nothing on the subject.

Remus was biting at Sirius’s hands, hands that were nudging his lips in what Lily thought looked much more intimate than a punch. Lily drifted her gaze to Marlene, whose expression was equivalent to that of, “See?”

“You two need to grow up.”

Both boys grinned at one another cheekily at Lily’s words, “You sound like you’re talking to James, Evans! Don’t insult us like that.”

Lily cracked a smile, “Do you want us to leave you for some privacy, then?”

She could have sworn faint colour rose on Sirius’ pale cheeks, a disruption to his usual composure, but had disappeared in seconds. Remus, who seemed oddly unaffected by her statement, gasped in mock hurt, “And take me away from my darling Lily? I don’t think so!” He stood abruptly, knocking Sirius’ hands from where they had been resting upon him and offered his hand to Lily, “Let us continue to dazzle Hogwarts on the dance floor!”

She grinned and glanced towards Marlene, whose face seemed oddly pained as Sirius refused to join Remus and Lily: the pair hadn’t been left alone all night but Lily suspected it would do them good to sort out the mess that Dorcas had created. 

“Sirius doesn’t fancy Marley.” She told him matter-of-factly as they notably avoided the dance floor and instead headed toward the edge of the Great Hall.

Remus began to look oddly flushed, as if he wished he could get away from the conversation. Then, “You said Sirius.”

“What?” Lily frowned, that was  _ not  _ the answer she had been expecting. 

“You called him Sirius, not Black.”

Then it was Lily’s turn to flush, feeling the heat reach right to her hairline and probably making her look as if her hair and her skin were the same colour. “I was trying to be relatable, Remus.” Lily told him, cheeks burning. She had begun to call him Sirius in her head so often she hadn’t even realised when she said it out loud. 

He rolled his eyes, “I’ll take it as progress. But to answer your statement, I know this. Dorcas has incredibly inaccurate pairing skills.”

Lily raised her eyebrows in response, “Oh, yeah? You think he’d be better paired with someone else?”

She watched him, a cheeky grin on her face as his cheeks and neck flushed dark red, “Those are your words, Evans.”

Lily merely snorted as they continued to walk out of the Great Hall and onto the dimly lit grounds. The plants had been lazily decorated with yellow glowing fairy lights, reminding Lily of a muggle movie. Of course, the decorations before her were not run by electricity, nor were they connected by wires. She knew that upon closer inspection the leaves could have been charmed to light up, or witch light had been placed within them. “Marley doesn’t fancy him, either.”

She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, attempting to subtlety gauge his reaction. His face remained expressionless, though he cocked his eyebrow as he answered her, “She doesn’t?”

“She would much prefer to be here with someone else, she told me.”

“I think there are a few of us who feel like that, tonight.” He mused, an amused expression on his face as he looked over Lily’s shoulder. All thoughts of berating him for failing to acknowledge the quality of his own date vanished as she followed his eyes to find a group of four seated on a bench on the edge of the grounds. She let out a loud laugh as she recognised the group, James and Jessica with Peter and Mary in tow. James was devoting the entirety of his attention to becoming perhaps the most pathetic third wheel in history, leaning close to listen to Peter and Mary’s clearly private conversation.

“I must ask Mary how she feels dating both Peter and Potter.” She mused as Remus laughed loudly, “But this necessity of a date at these events is ridiculous.” Lily huffed, “Next time we should go alone and then...” She trailed off, not knowing if she should finish, “Then maybe you can hang out with who you  _ actually  _ want to be here with.”

Remus flushed again and looked down at her with soft eyes, despite his embarrassment, “I-”

She shook her head and held out her hand, “Come on, Rem. Let us find said person and his date and I will disappear like a muggle magic trick.” She couldn’t contain the smile that had been threatening to break free throughout their entire conversation, letting it form freely on her features. 

Remus was now bright red as he sent her a sheepish smile, “You know, then?”

She rolled her eyes, “Remus, I’m pretty sure  _ Dumbledore  _ knows.”  He groaned but didn’t say anything as she giggled uncontrollably, pulling him back into the Great Hall with one sole purpose - finding Sirius Black. 

Predictably, it wasn’t a difficult task. He, causing the stares of all those around him, was singing (or screaming) to a Celestina Warbeck song at the top of his lungs, aided by a very giggly Marlene of whom he was serenading. “Oh, Merlin.” Lily laughed, unable to stop herself, “He’s having fun, which is important.”

But Remus was grinning widely as if he had never seen a greater sight in all of his 16 years of life, “Excuse me, Lily, I have some business to attend to.”

Lily snorted as he downed the remaining three quarters of his drink in a single mouthful and handed her his glass before promptly making his way to the couple in the middle of the Great Hall. His ‘business’ when he reached them was to join Sirius with his own equally obnoxious singing, causing Marlene to look as if she would soon be too short of breath to even stand. Lily thought that perhaps the entire Great Hall was watching them, now, and couldn’t contain her laughter as it toppled out of her without her consent. 

Marlene was slowly inching away from them, despite her laughter, closer to where Lily was standing away from the majority of the school. Upon reaching her, Marlene grabbed her arm and sighed with laughter, “Godric Gryffindor, Lil. They’re too much.”

“Hilarious, though.”

Marlene agreed with a laugh and linked arms with her, “I’m still at a loss as to why Dora paired me with him. Could I not have been more obvious about not wanting to go with a boy?”

Lily nodded, about to agree, before abruptly stopping, “Marley -  you haven’t even  _ told  _ her yet.”

“Oh bloody  _ hell _ !” She cried, placing her head in her hands, “Fuck! No wonder she did this, she’s probably testing me or something as equally as bloody  _ stupid _ !” 

“I mean, you  _ did  _ tell all the Marauders... and me... and your parents before you told her...”

“You’re definitely not helping, Lil.” A sigh left her lips,“Where is Benjy?” She asked, looking worried, “I was so busy worrying about myself that I didn’t even see them”

“She’s not here.” Lily started hesitantly, “She’s upstairs in the common room, said she wasn’t going.”

“What a bloody nerd.” Marlene huffed. “I need to talk to her, now.”

Lily, whose date had abandoned her for Sirius Black, refused to stay at the dance any longer, and accompanied Marlene on the long walk back to Gryffindor Tower. “I think Remus was a bit jealous of you, tonight.”

A look of bewilderment crossed her features, “Why on earth? They’re practically married.”

“I don’t think  _ he  _ knows that yet, is all. I don’t think either of them do, judging by the way Sirius sulked when Remus left with me.”

Marlene smirked, “Merlin, they’re so oblivious. I bet you 5 galleons they won’t even be together by the end of 7th year.”

“No way! Look how intense it is now and it’s only October of this year.”

Marlene shook her head, “Nope! I know Sirius, he’s never going to say anything.”

“Then I’m on for 5 galleons because  _ Remus  _ will say something before the end of next year.”

Her friend grinned as they climbed the stairs, “We should ask James, he’d know for sure.”

“Potter? Please, I doubt he even realises that they’re into one another.”

Marlene cackled, the sound echoing around the mostly empty stairway, before she became quiet, “Hey, Lil?”

“Yeah, Marls?”

“I, um. I’m pretty sure I fancy girls a lot more than I do guys, now.” She told her, watching cautiously for Lily’s reaction as her eyes darted across her features, “I said both, before, so my mother wouldn’t freak that her only daughter would never have children. But, you’re not my mother.”

Lily smiled softly, “Marley, I’ll love you  _ regardless _ . Besides, girls are a whole lot nicer sight than the likes of Potter or Diggory - or whoever the acclaimed sex symbol of Hogwarts is.”

Marlene cocked an eyebrow with a cheeky grin, “Curious, are you Lil?”

“I thought this was about you?”

Her friend giggled and dropped the subject as they finally reached the seventh floor, speaking only when the password was required of them. 

“You made it back in one piece, then?” A familiar voice drawled as they entered the common room which was, unsurprisingly, empty. The younger years had either snuck down to the dance or were in their dorms - it was already almost midnight.

“Barely,” Marlene groaned, dropping onto the loveseat across from the source, “Sirius Black was the worst date possibly ever.”

“Hey! Don’t say that, he  _ did  _ serenade you in front of everyone.”

Dorcas leant her head back against the couch that she was sitting on and laughed loudly, “Oh that almost makes me wish I’d gone.”

“He’s probably still down there with Remus if you wanted to catch the ending.” Lily snorted, beginning to unstrap her shoes. 

“So  _ that’s  _ why you’re back so early - both of your dates decided they found someone better?” Dorcas cocked an eyebrow inquisitively, “Sorry, Marley, I’ll pick better next time.”

“Any chance you can pick someone I actually would like to go with?”

Lily thought that maybe she should leave, though Marlene didn’t seem as if she minded her presence. 

“And who would that be, exactly?” Dorcas asked, a lazy smile on her face as if she was incredibly amused by the entire situation in front of her as Marlene flushed deeply with embarrassment. 

“Alicia Bhatia? Lei Mason? Amira Zatal? _Anyone_ other than Sirius?”

Lily held her breath as Dorcas remained seemingly amused, “Bhatia and Zatal, huh? Never knew you were into Slytherins, Marls.”

Marlene’s expression was priceless, Lily thought, as her friend’s mouth dropped open in shock, “You’re not-?”

“I already knew, you git. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged, “I thought maybe it would be different between us, or something.”

“Bloody idiot.” Dorcas huffed as Marlene launched herself at her for a hug. Lily thought that possibly  _ now  _ she was intruding and was only seconds into deciding how she was going to make a hasty exit before she was luckily interrupted. Mary and Peter had barged into the common room, looking more than slightly out of breath as the portrait hole closed behind them. 

“Fucking Mulciber,” Peter seethed, his cheeks flushed in anger as he grabbed Mary gently, “I’ll kill him, I swear.”

“What happened?” 

Peter looked prepared for murder, Lily thought, as he clenched his teeth together, “We were only fucking walking around outside and the minute James and Jessica left he was cursing us. I reckon I heard a good few  _ ‘crucio’ _ s in there.” Lily heard Marlene gasp and Dorcas huff angrily at his words as tears trekked their way down Mary’s cheeks, “Luckily Mary had her wand on her... she stunned him and we ran. But there were others - Malfoy, I think was one of them, on our tail.” He shook his head in frustration, “James was on his way back and helped us fight them off, got us up here.”

“Oh Mary, are you okay?” Lily asked, her voice soft as she moved closer to her friend.

Mary nodded, “It wasn’t a big deal, it was only because I got them into trouble last year-”

“You  _ have  _ to go to McGonagall!” Marlene yelled, standing from her place on the loveseat with Dorcas, “He can’t get away with this! None of them can!”

Peter nodded, “That’s where James went - or Dumbledore. He said he’d take whoever he could find.”

Lily felt like a rock was sitting in the pit of her stomach - they only attacked Mary because she was a muggleborn, she knew. 

“We’re on the other side of the war and you don’t see us attacking them in the hallways!” Marlene raged, pacing around the common room, “Unforgivable curses, they’re in  _ Hogwarts _ ! They’re not death eaters yet-”

“You’d be surprised, Marley. He’s recruiting younger and younger, now. I suppose it’s smart, it means he’s got eyes on Dumbledore-”

Peter cut himself off as the portrait hole opened and a hoard of students poured in - clearly the dance was over. “Come on,” He motioned to Mary, tugging on their intertwined hands, “Remus’ stash of chocolate is really poorly hidden.”

Lily watched them go before turning to the rest of the common room. The students seemed to be in good spirits, completely unaware of what had happened prior to their entry. Marlene and Dorcas had taken up whispering urgently about something Lily was not privy to, and other familiar faces were strangely absent. Where were the Marauders? And Frank and Alice?

She  _ could  _ go down to the Great Hall and find them, where Remus and Sirius would probably still be singing Celestina Warbeck. She could also make the much smarter decision to return to her dorm and wait for them to come back, but she had never prided herself on her intelligent choices outside of the classroom.

She chose the former, exiting the portrait hole, alone, in the middle of the night. They could be in trouble, she reasoned, the two not knowing about Mary and Peter's most recent exchange with Mulciber. 

Really, she thought to herself, she had done this many times on Prefect duties. Surely, it would be no different. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first ever cliff hanger even tho it's not very good lmaooo hope u like this & as usual hmu on tanka-a.tumblr.com :)


	12. Chapter 12

“Godric, how many times have I called you the brightest witch of our year?”

“A hundred, maybe?”

“I take back every  _ single  _ one, Evans.” Sirius huffed, “You’re a walking disaster.”

Lily refrained from sarcastically remarking ‘thanks’, as she probably deserved his insults. Her effort to find the Marauders had backfired and left her entirely humiliated. She had made it to the fourth floor in her search, entirely convinced that it would be no different to her usual patrols, only to realise that she  _ wasn’t  _ on patrols and could, therefore, be punished for being out after hours. Almost immediately after this realisation, Professor Muller had rounded the corner and sent her running down the staircase, resulting in her getting stuck in the trick step that she had since proclaimed her greatest enemy. 

She wasn’t sure how Sirius and James had found her, exactly, though she was more interested in their help than how it had occurred. Her wand was resting in her skirt pocket in her dorm, though she was reluctant to tell them so, and had to pretend as if she did not know the incantation (perhaps the most painful aspect of their entire encounter). After listening to Sirius howl with laughter at the expression on her face for what felt like hours (but was probably only mere seconds), they had cast the counter-enchantment which momentarily allowed Lily to move far, far away from the cursed step. They hadn’t gotten far when Sirius’ lecture started, followed by a fuming James.

“Do you not know how dangerous that was, Evans?” James said sharply, seemingly not bothered by the fact that if they were caught out of bed they would be severely punished. He seemed far angrier than Sirius, his characteristic laughter and teasing grin strangely absent. 

“I can take care of myself! I was just figuring the spell-”

“Do you think any death eaters would have waited for you to get out before they cursed you? Given you a fair go, you think?”

“James,” Sirius muttered warningly, glancing between them cautiously. Both of them ignored him. 

“I hadn’t even been there that long they wouldn’t have found me-”

“We found you, Evans! If we did, they definitely can!”

“I can defend myself against some Slytherins, Potter!”

“Some Slytherins?” He seemed beyond reason, outrage and frustration lacing his voice, “Fuck, are you  _ so  _ far up your own ass that you can’t see what’s happening? They’re death eaters, not Slytherins!”

“So what? I can beat  _ you  _ in a duel, I can beat them too.”

“Alright, Evans.” Though the words had come from his mouth many times before, his tone was far from his usual flirtatious, cocky introduction that had haunted her towards the end of last year. Somehow, she preferred that now. “Say you can beat one of them. You can’t beat three of them at once, they play dirty! They’re dangerous and you’re so  _ oblivious  _ to it all! You’re a fucking muggleborn, do you think they aren’t watching you? Waiting for you to screw up like you did tonight?”

“James!” Sirius snapped, “Leave it.”

“No, she’s an  _ idiot _ for walking around alone at  _ any  _ time of the day, let alone the middle of the fucking night. They’re coming for you, just like they did MacDonald and just like they will Thomas and Taylor and Amari and even fucking Garcia - get it through your  _ fucking  _ head! And they’re not just Slytherins, either. They’re everywhere - purebloods, half-bloods, and whoever else wants to get in with Voldemort has put a target on your head.”

Lily opened her mouth and shut it again, finding herself at a loss for words momentarily before starting, “You’ve got a target on your head too, James Potter. You may be a pureblood but you’re a blood traitor, which isn’t much better.”

“Maybe,” He nodded, “But I’m not the one walking around the halls alone at night, Evans. They’d attack you before they would me and you’re dense if you think otherwise.”

Lily sighed in defeat, hoping to keep the rest of the trip to the Gryffindor Tower silent. They were on the seventh floor, only a corridor from the portrait hole - she could bite her tongue until then and remain silent. She felt him glance at her before exchanging a look with Sirius, who sighed in frustration, “You don’t even have your wand, do you, Red?”

She felt cheeks blare with heat in humiliation and broke her vow of silence almost instantly, “Why wouldn’t I have my wand?”

Both boys scoffed, James muttering, “Idiot” much louder than he had to, given the otherwise silent halls of Hogwarts. 

“I am  _ not  _ an idiot. I got myself stuck in a bad situation but that doesn’t make me dim-”

“Not once since I met you in first year have I ever thought you were dim, Evans.” James told her, though his anger undermined the compliment, “Not once in six years. But you still have no perception of just how bad they are - you still think they’re going to play fair, give you time to think and use jinxes instead of Unforgivable fucking curses.”

“No, I don’t! Mulciber used  _ crucio  _ on Mary last year, I know what they’re capable of-” 

“Just stay out of the fucking way, Evans.” James told her before muttering, “Formidulosus” to the Fat Lady and stalking through the common room to his dormitory. Lily felt that he had been unjustly harsh and wasn’t surprised at the sick feeling in her stomach as she watched him walk away. 

“I-” She started, turning to Sirius, who only shook his head.

“Night, Evans.”

Lily took a deep breath, fighting the urge to follow them both and give them a piece of her mind on how they had yelled at her. A year ago, maybe even three months ago, she would have done so. Instead, she walked purposefully up the stairs to her dormitory, ignoring any thoughts of what they had just said to her. 

She took it as progress.

 

\---- 

Lily watched a certain James Potter from across the Quidditch pitch where she had just greeted Marlene after practice. His hair was as unruly as usual, falling over his eyes in a way that could be potentially charming as he packed away the Quidditch equipment. He was wearing a red turtle-necked sweater under a Gryffindor jersey, an extra layer to keep the chilly October wind at bay. It was strange, she thought, of how little he had bothered her this year in comparison to those previous. He hadn’t asked her to the dance, nor had he attempted to join her once there as he easily could have, considering she went with one of his best friends. Despite the way he had yelled at her the previous night, he hadn’t even glimpsed at her all day (which was how most days were panning out, somehow) and had forgone the opportunity to make mention of her presence on the Quidditch pitch. 

She had been struck with an irrevocable urge to speak to him the minute she opened her eyes (which was unusual within itself) and the idea had drifted in and out of her mind all day. Following Marlene to Quidditch practice had seemed reasonable, at first, laughing with Alice and Dorcas (though she thought that perhaps it had begun to seem strange when they had left her and she remained, missing dinner for the ‘pleasure of Marlene’s company’). 

Marlene could read her like a book, though, and knew exactly what she was doing there. “Just do it, Lil. He’s a nice guy.”

But Lily could hardly keep her breathing steady as she watched him. Not because of a strange new obsession with him, as Marlene had desperately brought up at every instance, but a sort of sickness that rested at the pit of her stomach in his presence. He didn’t seem to care about her, anymore, and it struck a chord that she didn’t know was there. It frustrated her, but also made her sick at the thought that she  _ missed  _ him and was trying to obtain his attention.

With a gulp (and pretending she  _ hadn’t  _ felt Marlene’s hard shove in the back, telling her to get on with it) Lily took the sickening steps over to the other side of the pitch where he was packing muggle golf balls into a bag rather slowly. 

“Hey, Potter.”

She probably should have sounded less like she wanted to kill herself, but. He still looked up at the sound of her voice, messy hair falling across his forehead as he squinted to see her against the setting sun. 

“Hey, Evans.”

She stuck her hands in the pockets of her jumper as a light breeze blew past them, envying his warm clothing. “I just wanted to say that I was sorry. For yesterday.”

Lily didn’t think she had ever seen James Potter look as shocked as he did in that moment, almost dropping the Quaffle at her words.

“P-pardon?”

“I wanted to apologize.” She gained confidence, feeling the nerves deplete the more she spoke, “Your anger was warranted, and I’m sorry for not seeing that, or for listening to you. It  _ was  _ stupid of me to put myself in that position and I’m sorry for making it your responsibility to make sure I wasn’t hurt.” She looked down to her feet, unable to look at his wide, hazel eyes any longer. “Also for being argumentative when you were saving my ass.”

At that, James laughed loudly, “That’s, uh, alright, Evans. You weren’t that bad. Just gave me a shock, is all.” He reached up to run his fingers through his hair in what Lily thought must be a nervous tick. “Don’t particularly fancy another Moaning Myrtle.”

She frowned slightly before the realisation hit her - Moaning Myrtle had been the equivalent of a pureblood hate crime of her time (though she had been a victim of the heir of Slytherin who opened the Chamber of Secrets) as a muggleborn. “I wouldn’t subject Hogwarts to that mess.” She said with a grin, wringing her hands together as she cursed herself for having her nerves on complete display. “But I also wanted to say thank you. I don’t fancy knowing what could have happened if you and Sirius...”

James smiled, “Anytime, Evans. Take care of yourself from now on, yeah?”

Lily nodded, pushing down the sickness resting at the pit of her stomach as he dismissed her, thanked him once again and advised he do the same. As soon as their eye contact dropped she found herself turning on the spot and walking as quickly as she could without running like an absolute  _ nerd  _ back to Marlene who was waiting with a giant smirk. Lily grabbed her arm and continued walking, not wanting to stop and turn around and be faced with Potter  _ again.  _

\---

“I  _ told  _ you he was a nice guy, Lil.” Marlene told her knowingly as she twirled a lock of her blonde hair around her finger, homework set up on her lap as she laid across Lily’s bed. “See why I could never hate him? He’s almost my brother, sure, but he’s far too nice to hate.”

Lily rolled her eyes but did not retaliate, instead directing false attention toward her potions book.

“Oh, shut up. You’re the worst Marauders sympathiser, Marley. While he has the potential to be nice, he’s also a giant twat.” Alice scowled, “You tend to forget the headache he used to give Lily and Severus when they were younger.”

“That was just his misunderstood  _ feelings  _ for her-”

“That is  _ no  _ excuse. He should be held accountable for his actions.”

“Although,” Lily began, looking up from her textbook, “I did give him an equally hard time. Remember I learnt the jelly legs jinx for the sole purpose of hexing him every time he walked down the stairs?”

Laughter echoed throughout the room loudly, “Godric, that was ingenious. What was that, third year?”

“Maybe fourth. I can’t even remember now.” She shook her head, a fond smile on her face at the memory. “I just know it was because he wouldn’t shut up about me tripping over Severus’ robes.”

Dorcas snorted, “Potter is still a twat.”

Marlene groaned, “No! He is such a beautiful person-”

“Just not to anyone he doesn’t deem worthy.” Dorcas countered. “That’s not a beautiful person, Marley.”

“He’s changed a lot since fourth year, you know.” She mumbled, “He was a spoilt brat for a long time, he still is, but he got knocked with some hard shit this summer. He’s growing up, I think.”

“Well thank Merlin for that, he’s almost as tall as the bloody Quidditch posts, it’s about time his brain started catching up to the rest of him.”

And as quickly as it had formed, the sincerity of the conversation was broken. Lily wondered idly if James Potter ever thought about her half as much as she and her friends did him and guessed that he most probably did  _ not.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the shortest chapter ever but i kinda like it?? im so sorry im in the middle of my exams but ill update soon!! idk where this is even going anymore rip but i hope ur enjoying it!


	13. Chapter 13

A week and a half had passed before Lily could even look James in the eye as they passed each other in the corridor. They were in an awkward stage that rested between not hating each other, but not really being friends either. She found herself increasingly frustrated each time they quietly walked passed one another without saying anything or sat across from one another at dinner  _ without  _ knocking over the other’s pumpkin juice. It seemed they didn’t know how to act if it weren’t swapping insults with sharp tongues or hexing one another with covert wand movements under the table. She had been so used to seeing Potter and her heart racing with adrenaline as she prepared herself for yet  _ another  _ argument that she hadn’t even realised it happened until the adrenalin was no longer needed, her quickened heartbeat a waste as he mostly ignored that she was there at all. 

She wasn’t sure if she missed the thrill of the spontaneity of it all, or if she missed it with  _ him.  _ (She preferred not to think about the latter option, however often it loomed in her mind.)

“We didn’t have homework, right?” Lily asked Remus as she at beside him, unable to dismiss the thought that she had forgotten something terribly important for McGonagall’s class.

Remus smirked, “No, but you did.”

Lily’s eyes widened, “What?  _ What?” _

“I’d love to know how you’re going to choose your assignment partner. Especially considering you haven’t even looked at the list.” 

Lily face-palmed, absolutely appalled with herself. “Shit, Remus! What do I do?”

Remus shrugged, a smirk on his face that reminded her of the characteristic expression that usually rested on the face of the one and only James Potter. McGonagall was fast approaching their desk, and Lily could feel her heart pounding in her eyes. She was as good as dead, she thought. 

“Miss Evans, I suspect you’ve chosen from your options?”

“I, uh.” Lily felt herself panicking and could have cried at her own misfortune. “May I see the list again? I just want to make sure...”

McGonagall sent her a glare that clearly meant she did not believe Lily’s quickly formed lie but brought the list over all the same. She could feel Remus chuckling beside her and she had never wanted to kill someone more in her entire life as McGonagall stood at the front of the classroom and began instructing the lesson, leaving Lily to panic silently.

She scanned her eyes over the parchment, seeing five pairs of names written neatly in cursive writing with six more names in a single column beside them of those left available. Marlene and Alice had paired together, as had Dorcas and Peter. Lily cursed her friend inwardly, knowing Dorcas was just as much of a ‘Marauders sympathiser’ as the others.  “Remus,” She whispered, “Do you want to maybe...”

“I am not partnering with you for this, Evans! Keep your lacking skills away from me.”

“You are the worst friend I have ever, ever had.” She glared, though it was without sincerity. 

Remus grinned cheekily in her direction before whispering, “I’m pairing with Frank, just a forewarning if you were picking him next.” She heard herself whimper as she realised the Gryffindor’s in the class were slowly dwindling to only Sirius and James who would most definitely pair together. “Ask Sirius,” He muttered, “He’ll say yes if you ask now, he’s mad at James.”

“Are you kidding-”

“Do it!”

Lily huffed and turned in her seat to face the back of the classroom where Sirius and James sat together. Sure enough, Sirius was pointedly looking away from James, his arms crossed in what Lily thought was probably the most dramatic body language of all time. She waved hesitantly as a really horrible attempt to grab his attention (though it worked). A moment later they had made eye contact and Lily mouthed, “Partners?”, pointing to herself for emphasis. 

Sirius grinned widely and held up two thumbs up, leaving Lily to turn back around and write their names together, watching in slight awe as their names disappeared from the single column of available people. 

After Professor McGonagall had collected the list, raising her eyebrows almost unnoticeably as she read the newest addition, Lily exchanged a look with Remus, and that was all it took for him to burst into laughter and her to hide her head in her hands. She knew her expression had shown her equal resignation and mortification for the subject at hand. “Excuse me, Mr. Lupin, but last time I checked this was a classroom. Please act accordingly.”

“Sorry Professor,” he replied, but with a large grin. “This will be  _ very  _ interesting.” He whispered to Lily who shot him a characteristic glare as he chuckled under his breath at her misfortune. 

When class ended, Lily gathered her books quickly and walked with Remus out of the class towards James and Sirius, the latter of whom she had not spoken to since Halloween. She thought it was quite strange to be addressing them of her own accord, rather than avoiding any and all contact. 

“What’s up, Evans?” James asked, his lazy grin grin irritating and unsuitable, Lily thought, for someone who had been chastised and lectured non-stop over the course of the hour that was Transfiguration.

“Thank you for saving my life, Black. I owe you one, now.”

Sirius’ resting smile only grew wider, “Of course, Evans! Our newly combined skills of both Transfiguration and Potions respectively will make us the ultimate and unbeatable team!”

“So your acceptance was purely strategic, then?” She cocked an eyebrow inquisitively, attempting and achieving to avoid eye contact with her awkward friend-but-not-friend James Potter who was looking between the two curiously. 

“Ah, Evans, someday you’ll learn  _ all _ my choices are purely strategic.” 

 

\-- 

“I’m starving, I had to skip breakfast because fucking Peter lost his Transfiguration textbook and was having a fit until I found it for him. ” Lily heard Sirius grumbled as she entered the Great Hall, his voice travelling from some way down the Gryffindor table, the Great Hall mostly empty. “I could totally go for pudding right now.” 

“Pads, you could  _ always  _ go for pudding.” Was James Potter’s reply, more laughter than words.

She watched as the two sat down, the first of their friends to do so, right before Marlene joined them with a huff, “Godric, I’ve had the absolute  _ worst  _ morning. Lily’s stupid cat destroyed my favourite sweater by putting her paws where they shouldn’t be-”

“What did I tell you, Marls? The devil is inside that thing.” Sirius told her through a mouthful of grapefruit, “Why Evans keeps that thing in her room is beyond my comprehension.”

Lily chuckled to herself as she moved closer, remembering the level of hatred that Sirius often displayed towards her kitten. As she got closer and Alice sat down, she heard the conversation had taken a completely different turn. Her voice was almost a squeal, “She’ll have ditched Novak quicker than he can convince her otherwise, and you know how good he is at that.” She was rolling her eyes with an abrupt change in tone as Elias was mentioned.

She stopped walking abruptly - why on  _ earth  _ were they talking about her and Elias? Sirius stopped eating and turned to James, his eyebrows furrowed, and all James did was shrug in response. Sirius seemingly took it upon himself to question the girls, which resulted only in Marlene questioning whether she had been talking to him in the first place.

Lily, feeling slightly put off, joined her friends at the table and soon after, all of their friends had gathered around James and Sirius, and Marlene and Alice. Lily was halfway through finishing her sandwich before saying, “Oh shit! I never asked when you were free, Sirius.” 

“Red, you’re gorgeous but-”

“For the assignment, you prat.” She sighed in mock disappointment, Marlene snickering besides her. 

“Wednesdays!” He declared, “Every other day I am being worked to the bone through blood, sweat and tears on the Quidditch pitch.”

“Don’t underestimate the Hufflepuff’s, Black!” Dorcas yelled from much further down the table in response to Sirius’ clearly sarcastic jab meant for James, “That’s what they want you to do and then guess what? You’ll lose like an idiot.”

“You seem to have all too much knowledge of the Hufflepuff strategy, Dorky, I’ll be keeping an eye on you. And  I was simply noting for our captain that I barely have any time to meet lovely Lily for study-”

“A group task.”

“For a group task! How outrageous!” 

“I can’t believe you’re paired with Sirius.” Peter smirked, quirking his eyebrow. “Out of all the brilliance in our Transfiguration class you choose  _ that-” _

“If I was actually listening to that horrid sound coming from your mouth, Pettigrew, I’d tell you Evans is immensely lucky to be partnered with me. But because I’m not listening, I’m going to have to tell you to shut the fuck up.”

Laughter bubbled from Lily’s mouth in shock as he glared toward Peter, the two trapped in some sort of argument. “What on earth...”

“Peter used his shampoo this morning.” Remus told her in a dry tone.

Before Lily could laugh at the expense of either one of them (she wasn’t sure who deserved it more, yet) Sirius interrupted with a huff, “You’re telling the story wrong, Remus, he didn’t just  _ use  _ it he emptied the entire bottle onto his wank stain hair!”

“A vivid image.” Marlene commented solemnly, erupting a laugh from Lily, Dorcas and Alice - though neither Peter nor Sirius cracked a grin. 

“It was almost empty anyway! It’s not like it was full-”

“Do you know how many days it will be before Dorea can owl me more?  _ Three,  _ Peter! I had it perfectly measured to last me until then and you had to go and fuck it up.”

“The reaction was much, much worse this morning.” Remus muttered lowly, “I’m surprised Peter isn’t covered in warts, personally.”

“I wouldn’t discount that just yet, actually.” Lily chuckled, just as the bell signalling the next class rang loudly. “Well, I guess Ancient Runes will put our viewing on hold.”

“Oh, bloody hell! I didn’t do the essay!” Remus cried, hitting his head against the table. 

“Look who's forgotten their homework now.” Lily teased, her lips contorted into a smirk as she prepared herself to get revenge for every chuckle that had come out of Remus’ mouth in Transfiguration earlier that day.

 

\----

 

Lily was stressed. 

Well, slightly more than stressed. 

She had been practicing in the common room alone (except for Marlene’s timely arrival with some chocolate frogs) on non verbal charms for hours with no relief and (to make the entire situation  _ so  _ much worse) she had improved to the most unnoticeable degree. She couldn’t believe something that seemed so simple was causing her so much trouble, not to mention was vital for her to continue into her NEWT years. None of the girls in her dorm were having the same degrees of difficulty, Marlene and Alice secretly jinxing one another as they moved past simple charms, though one thought had stuck in her mind. Upon complaining to Emmeline of her lacking ability, the other girl simply laughed, “Oh, Lily, don’t worry. I had been practicing all summer to no avail and I’m sure the others have been as well.”

The unfairness of her situation had not struck her until days later. Living with muggles meant the Ministry was able to clearly distinguish underage magic use  _ or  _ magic in the presence of a muggle, both of which were much harder to determine when living with other witches or wizards. It gave her friends an upper hand, being able to practice at home while Lily could only read her textbooks in the hope of learning ahead. 

She sighed deeply and placed her head in her hands, overcome with exhaustion as she thought she might as well leave it for tomorrow - she clearly wasn’t getting anywhere. 

“Hey, Evans.” Lily looked up at the sound of her name only to see James Potter staring down at her. 

Brilliant. 

“Hi, Potter.”

“What’s the matter?” He asked, taking the seat across from her. He had muggle clothes on, she realised, and thought that she probably should have done the same considering the time of night. She was still in her school uniform, her tie hanging loosely from her neck and her sleeves rolled up, buttons undone. She looked a mess. 

She sighed, hesitant to share her frustrations with him. “I’m trying to practice non verbal spells but it’s fucking me over.”

“Shit,” He laughed, “It took me ages to get it too.”

“Really?” She was surprised - it didn’t seem as if it took long for James Potter to do anything. 

“Yeah... I stayed up every night for almost half of fourth year. Had to borrow books from the library to learn and everything.”

Lily watched him curiously - was  _ that  _ how he always seemed as if he could do everything with ease? Because he practiced so often, because he learnt ahead? (She thought privately that maybe he was a bigger nerd than he ever let on).

“It took you half a year?” She slumped in her chair, feeling hopeless. If it had taken James Potter, Transfiguration extraordinaire, all year to learn non verbal spells, she doubted she could do it any faster. 

He nodded, “All because I wanted to jinx Sirius while he was sleeping.”

Lily snorted at the thought of a 14 year old James practicing all night long with the aim of surreptitiously jinxing his best friend, the spell failing until one day it worked without expectation. “That’s the right motivation if I’ve ever heard it.”

They were quiet for a moment, Lily thinking that she really should get up from her chair and bid him goodnight because the situation was entirely  _ too  _ awkward for her to breathe in before he cut off her thoughts, “Do you want some help, Evans?”

She thought that her mouth might have dropped open, maybe, as she looked at him with wide eyes, “Wh-what?”

“I can help you if you want... I don’t know. I just thought that maybe-”

“Yes, please.” She breathed, “If it’s not trouble I just can’t progress in  _ any  _ class right now-”

“Don’t stress.” He told her, though he seemed hesitant. James took off his glasses (what was he doing? Lily had no clue) and snapped them in half right at the part that sat on his nose. 

“Potter!”

“You need a motivator. I’ll be blind forever if you can’t fix them, Evans.”

She pressed her lips together, feeling an argument rise in her throat. She pointed her wand at the glasses, thinking about the spell  _ ‘reparo’ _ as the many books she had read said and...nothing happened. The glasses remained in half on the table. 

“Okay,” James sighed, “Close your eyes. Picture my glasses fixing themselves. The books tell you to focus on the spell - don’t.  Focus on the magic inside you, let it pour out from you and into fixing those glasses.” Lily nodded. “Try now.”

Doing as told, she pointed her wand towards the glasses. With a slight cracking noise, his glasses were fixed, back together as one.

“Bloody hell.” She breathed in amazement, watching as he picked them up to inspect them carefully. 

“Fuck, that was fast.” He told her, impressed. “At least I’ll be able to see again.” She felt a fond smile pull at her lips at his words: he was such an idiot. “But what if they break again and you’re not around? Use  _ ‘Gemino’ _ , duplicate them. Use the same principles from when you fixed them, close your eyes and imagine it happening in front of you, imagine the magic running through you to the object.” 

These were only simple spells, granted, but Lily felt a thrill run through her entire body as she opened her eyes to two pairs of round, wire framed glasses sitting on the table. “Brilliant.” He said, “Now all you have to do is practice with your eyes open and until it’s second nature. It’s really useful if...” He trailed off, distracted. “If you’re in a duel, or something.”

“Or if I want to jinx my friends while they’re asleep.” She cracked a grin, “Thanks, Potter. I really owe you one.”

“No problem, Evans.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im almost done my exams sooo updates will be once a week i promiseeee!!! this ones longer than the last one rip tell me what you think!!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i don't own any of this (do i have to do this every chapter idk i love j.k rowling)

“Why are you so surprised?”

“I don’t know a person on this earth who would have expected Lily Evans to be expressing admiration for James Potter, Lily.” Benji clicked his tongue in annoyance, “I’m still not sure how you even sat down next to one another but nonetheless, continue.”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Let’s not get carried away - I wasn’t  _ expressing admiration, _ I was complimenting his teaching.”

“Yes yes of course, while cooing over how much he loves your cat.”

“Hey! That was Marlene, not me.”

Benji stopped, putting his hand out in front of Lily to stop her also. “That reminds me,” he started, “Is Dora angry at me?”

Lily frowned, “Why would she be angry?”

“I haven’t seen her since Halloween - I thought maybe I did something wrong. We didn’t go to the dance...” 

Lily’s face unconsciously contorted into one of worry, “You should probably talk to Dorcas about that.” It was mid-way through November - had Dorcas really been avoiding Benjy that whole time? She seemed fine while she was with Marlene and the girls...

“So she  _ is  _ angry? Merlin, what did I do?”

“N-no! She’s not angry with you. She’s not angry at all, she’s just not feeling well, I think.”

Benji gave her a look of disbelief but quickly changed the subject. “I think I’m going to talk to James.”

“Wh-what? Why! I’m offended, Fenwick. I’m eons ahead of him in terms of quality of company.” She wasn’t truly offended, she was more concerned that he would tell James how she truly had expressed admiration for how he had helped her in the common room three nights previous. The last thing she needed was for him to think she fancied him, or something. 

“Just about Quidditch!” he reassured, “While we’re on opposing teams, we both support Puddlemere United and their game last weekend was  _ epic _ -”

“I have absolutely _no_ interest  in that mess of a team, Fenwick!"

He rolled his eyes fondly, “See ya, Evans.”

They parted ways, Lily on her way to dinner and Benji on his way to detention. Lily hurried quickly towards the Great Hall, not eager on being alone in the halls since James and Sirius had lectured her on her lack of intelligence for said action.

“Oi, Evans!” 

She waited until she got closer before acknowledged him, replying with a timid, “Yes, Black?” and sitting down next to Alice, who was having her hair braided by Marlene. 

“You coming to the game tomorrow?”

Lily frowned, “What game? Isn’t Quidditch on Saturday?” All three people sighed and she rolled her eyes, “What?”

“It is Saturday tomorrow, Evans.”

“Well, no. I hate Hogwarts Quidditch!” She defended as each of her friends started to complain, “I haven’t been to a game since third year, why would I go now?” 

Severus and herself had avoided the games since their combined hatred for James Potter had peaked in third year and although she regretted it, she wasn’t about to change it now.

“Because James is captain?” Marlene said as if it were obvious.

“Also, Snape isn’t here anymore to force you into the library?” Alice told her knowingly, “We know you don’t hate Quidditch, Lil, I’ve seen your Holyhead Harpies posters.”

She scowled, rising from the table she had just arrived at. Quidditch was not her issue - she loved it. Her issue was  _ James Potter  _ on a  bloody broomstick with windswept hair and a gaggle of fangirls of which he had no idea how to handle. She had too often watched his dorky awkwardness as girls followed him around in groups, giggling as he flushed and flustered before Sirius swooped in to save him with a more than slightly obvious change of topic. She wished he was less likable. “I have better things to do.”

\--

 

When Lily woke up the next morning, the sun wasn’t shining and the day didn’t look too optimistic in terms of rainfall. 

_ Horrible day for Quidditch,  _ she thought. 

The other girls hadn’t been overly interested in talking to her the night before as she declined their invitation to the game and had all left the dorm before seven a.m, a feat unheard of since the terrors of first year. Lily knew the game started at nine, so she would have to at least wait until then to have breakfast. 

It was quarter past seven on a Saturday morning and Lily was absolutely not getting out of bed for a Quidditch game. She was showering because that’s what human beings do: not because she was getting ready for the match.  She wrapped her hair in another towel, preferring the way her hair looked after it dried naturally. She pulled out a pair of jeans from her drawers and one of Marlene’s jerseys before deciding she looked utterly ridiculous. 

_ I’m not going, _ she thought,  _ I’m just supporting them in spirit. _

She pulled the jersey hastily off of herself and looked down at the plain, black jumper lying on her bed and put that on instead. Taking her hair out of the towel, she brushed her dark red locks and styled her hair as nicely as she could.

Why was she styling her hair? Not for the Quidditch match, that’s for damn sure. 

Lily looked at herself in the mirror and huffed in annoyance, marching over to Marlene’s drawer once more. 

She ruffled through before grabbing her wand, muttering, ‘ _ Accio  _ jersey.” and the long sleeved jersey Marlene had from last year came flying out of the drawer toward her. She pulled that on and with one last look in the mirror, grabbed her defense against the dark arts book and slowly made her way down to the Great Hall. With each staircase she walked down she began to feel even more worried that this was a huge mistake, that surely her friends would tease her arrival.

When she got to the Great Hall however, she thought they might not even notice her. The hall was filled with a sea of colours of red, yellow and even some minor green and blue. Lily quietly made her way over to the Gryffindor table pulling her sleeves over her hands in anxiety. She was just walking over to her friends when Marlene spotted her and jumped up abruptly from the table, head to toe in quidditch gear.

“Lily!” she screamed, running to hug (or tackle, Lily wasn’t sure) her. 

“Marley.” she smiled.

“You came!”

“I’m not at the match, yet.” Lily joked.

Marlene only rolled her eyes, slinging her arm around Lily’s shoulders and bringing her over to their year group who was all sitting together, all extremely hyped up.

Except for one person.

James Potter.

“Evans! You’re here! Take a seat, we’re just eating as much as we possibly can before we absolutely  _ smash  _ those badgers.”

But all Lily could think was-

“Where’s Potter?” Lily’s jaw dropped at her own words, closing her eyes and sighing deeply. She needed to work on the connection between her brain and her mouth. Sirius only smirked, and Lily could have sworn she saw Frank and Peter exchange money under the table. 

“He should be here soon, Lily.” Remus replied, a teasing tone  _ almost  _ entering his voice.  

“Wasn’t looking for him.” She told him, embarrassed as she sat down and placed toast and eggs onto her plate, “Just wondering where your ‘star player’ was.” She let the sarcasm seep through her voice in an attempt to convey her dislike. 

(None of them got it, really).

“I feel  _ so  _ ill.” Marlene complained loudly, “She’s right, where is James? I need him to braid my bloody hair before the match.”

Lily felt a smile filled with laughter pull at her lips, “Potter knows how to braid?”   


“Yeah! His mum taught him when we were really young and he always does it before Quidditch so it doesn’t get in my face.” She frowned, “But we’ve lost him.”

The conversation moved past the whereabouts of James as Alice noted how little time they had before the game to get to the pitch, announcing they should leave soon. “Shit, let me pee first.” Dorcas said, to which Lily agreed and stood to follow her. 

“Meet us in the courtyard!” Alice told them as they left. 

“Reckon they’ll win?” Dorcas asked as they walked, “Potter’s trained them hard enough, Marley is barely ever around anymore.”

“They will, they’ve got a good team, I think.”

Dorcas snorted, “Yeah, I-”

She cut herself off as they walked into the Entrance Hall. Lily looked in the direction of her eyes to see them rested on a pacing figure. 

They remained silent as the figure ran his fingers through his hair pretty harshly and started whispering to himself. She knew that was James now, his captain jersey and messy hair too obvious to be missed. They watched him for a minute more as he mumbled things like, "Diggory has done this for a year already, it's your first game..." and "They're good, too good. Don't drop the ball, you drop the ball and you're dead: the whole team's bloody dead."

Lily frowned, this most definitely was not James' first game. He'd been playing every game since second year, Amos Diggory since only fourth. “Amos Diggory was captain last year.” Dorcas told her softly and, of course, James only got the badge this year. James Potter  _ never  _ got nervous, she thought, the usual image of him laughing loudly and mucking around with his friends before a match on the surface of her memory. “Diggory is really good at Quidditch, he’s the only one who’s ever scored higher than him since they’ve been here.” She heard Dorcas telling her, “He’s shitting bricks.”

That was, perhaps, the understatement of the year, Lily thought. He looked as if he was three seconds away from losing his mind as he paced in circles, fiddling with his fingers before running them through his hair. 

(It was definitely a nervous tick).

“Potter!” Dorcas called out before Lily could stop her, wanting nothing more than to run back into the Great Hall. 

"Uh, alright Evans? Meadowes?"

"You'll do great. And I'm eighty-five percent sure you'll lead us to victory." Dorcas said firmly.

"And the other fifteen?"

"To allow for your seeker to win it. She is my best friend, I've got to support her somehow." 

A grin overtook James’ entire face, “You’re one hundred percent sure we’ll win, then?”

“Most definitely.”

They were quiet for an almost unnoticeable few seconds, "Are you, uh." He nodded towards Lily, "Coming to the game?"

Lily flushed slightly, "I thought I'd better. Marlene has been bugging me, you know..."

"Godric," he groaned. Lily thought that it was probably a euphemism for her own feelings towards her participation. “Pressure’s on, now.” He joked, a cheeky grin resting on his lips, “Have to win to show you what a good match feels like.”

"Good luck, Potter. You'll do great." Dorcas called, grabbing Lily’s arm and pulling her far away from James Potter. 

Lily couldn’t have been more thankful.

“You’re an embarrassment, Lily.” Dorcas huffed, “You can’t even hold a conversation.”

“How do you talk to your ex-arch enemy, exactly? Do you have any pointers?” She hissed, “I have no idea what I’m doing all I want to do is hex his eyebrows off!”

Her friend snorted and gave an exaggerated wink, “Are you sure that’s  _ all  _ you want to do?”

“Godric, not you, too!”

\--

 

“That brings us to 50-0 to Hufflepuff!” Jared Stone called, the announcer.

The Hufflepuff section erupted into cheers, while the Gryffindor’s groaned loudly.  Lily groaned along with them, but probably not for the same reason. She had been here for two entire hours so far, and there was still no sign of the snitch, no points for Gryffindor - nothing! She had come to support her friends and instead, been soaked with rain and then been frozen close to death by the ice-cold wind. 

“This is so ridiculous, Remus. How do you do this all the time?”

Remus sighed, looking up from where he was seated under the umbrella. “I don’t. Games don’t usually last this long with no activity - I don’t know what’s wrong with James, or Marlene for that matter. I can’t believe they haven’t scored.”

Lily huffed and sat down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “This is the worst Saturday in the history of Saturdays.”The wind blew roughly around her, sending her hair in all sorts of directions and an uncomfortable chill right to her bones. 

He laughed softly and put an arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him. “No way! I can't imagine many better ways to spend the afternoon than watching knuckleheaded boys fly on broomsticks. ”

Before she could retort with her own sarcastic reply,  Gryffindor erupted into cheers around them, causing Lily to look up in surprise - they had hardly made any celebratory sounds since the game had begun. James had the quaffle under his arm, weaving in between the opposing team with ease. Aaaand that was the end of Gryffindor’s short moment of joy, the Hufflepuff beater knocking the bludger straight towards him. Lily watched as Sirius screamed out to him and flew as fast as he could toward him, failing to get there in time as the bludger knocked right into his left knee forcefully, making James drop the quaffle, his face contorted in pain. Amos Diggory swooped under him, catching the falling quaffle and flying straight toward the Hufflepuff goal.

“IS HE OKAY?” Mary screamed, looking toward Remus, who only shrugged. (Lily thought he was being unreasonably calm for the events occurring in front of their eyes).

“I-I don’t know.”

Lily chewed her lip in worry as Marlene flew toward James and Sirius, yelling at the both of them angrily. Lily laughed inwardly, an image of Marlene’s mother surfacing from second year as her brother’s came home, injured and limping as Marlene’s expression formed one almost identical to her mother. James looked toward Madam Hooch and signaled for a timeout, which turned Lily’s stomach upside down. 

“What’s he doing that for?” Benji frowned, “He must be really hurt.”

“Come on, I think they might need you.” Remus started, grabbing Lily by the hand and pulling her to stand as he looked toward James, who had landed and was wobbling as Sirius and the other beater, CJ, supported his weight.

They quickly made their way down to outside the Gryffindor tent where all the players had gathered, worried looks etched onto their faces. They were all soaked from head to toe in rain, blue lips and shivering bodies as their hair and Quidditch robes dripped with water. Lily was more than slightly confused as to why her presence was necessary as the players grappled to speak to James.

“You’ll be able to play the game, right?”

"We can always call in Meadowes, she plays Chaser right?"

 

The chatter was intense as Remus pushed through the circle of team members, Lily in tow. In the middle was James, sitting with his leg elevated, his pant leg rolled up to his thigh. There was no blood, which Lily thought was much worse than if there had been. 

“I don’t think it’s broken,” She could hear James saying, “I think it’s fractured or something but I can’t get back on my broom.”

Lily stopped listening. She  _ knew  _ the spell to repair minor injuries, but would it work on a fractured knee-cap? Elias had taught her some things, but she had never healed such a large area - the best she had done was Remus’ broken nose after Sirius had elbowed him accidentally at breakfast in a quest to get the eggs.

“James, stop. I told you to call a timeout because  _ Lily  _ knows how to fix it.”

“Which is why I brought her down here.” Remus finished, and Lily felt 7 pairs of eyes turn to Remus and herself. Suddenly, she understood.

“Merlin, I thought you were on the team!” James let out a barking laugh before his smile cracked slightly in pain, “You were wearing the jersey, you know…” He stopped talking, obviously embarrassed. 

“Alright well, we haven’t got long. Everyone clear out, give the healer some space.”

Lily rolled her eyes at Remus’ words but said nothing. The team shuffled out of the tent, leaving Lily alone with James. Lily bit her lip in concentration, pointing her wand at the place where his knee met his thigh.

“ _ Episkey,” _ she whispered, causing James to let out a grunt of pain.

“Aw, shit!” James swore, sniffling slightly. 

She searched his eye briefly, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah!" His voice wobbled slightly, "Definitely."

Lily breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank Godric... I didn’t know if it would work or not.”

James cocked an eyebrow, “And you used it on me anyway? The star player and captain of the team?”

She knew his game; playing up his persona to hide how he was really feeling - insecure. Anxious. Nervous. Uneasy.  “You’re fine, aren’t you?” She challenged, “Besides, Marlene is closer to catching the Snitch in here than you are to scoring a goal up in the air.”

Talking to him like this, insulting and impolite, was so easy that she felt a rush of comfort run through her. 

“Since when do you know a single thing about Quidditch, Evans?” 

Lily gave him a harsh glare, “Since when  _ don’t  _ you?”

That was all it took for James’ character to break, his face crumpling at her words. Lily panicked, her eyes wide and shocked as James’ voice turned constricted as if he was forcing himself to keep tears back. “You’re right. We suck. I suck - and I don’t know how to fix it. We’re losing and this is my first game and this is so frustrating I just want to win so nobody will hate me and I need somebody to help me - but what if McGonagall thinks I can’t cope and takes the badge away? My glasses are all wet from the rain I can’t even see where the quaffle is to catch the bloody thing-”

And that was it. Lily knew what was happening, James had gotten so anxious over the outcome of this game he was actually becoming hysterical and short of breath - and Lily only knew one way to stop it.

Making him hold his breath. 

So before he could continue, Lily pressed her lips tightly to his, waiting for him to close his eyes before doing the same. His lips were cracked against her own, almost bleeding from the harsh wind, but he still kissed her as if his lips were made of velvet. His hands were by his sides, keeping him sitting up as hers rested on his chest. He ignited a fire within her, creating sparks along the creases of her lips and sending tingles into the palms of her hands and straight up and down her spine. She could smell chocolate and cinnamon sugar, a scent so intoxicating that she felt herself sigh into his mouth and flushed in embarrassment. Cinnamon sugar - the failed Amortentia with James. This was James. 

As in, James Potter. James  _ freaking  _ Potter - and she was kissing him! 

Lily pulled away abruptly, leaving him with his eyes closed and lips parted. “I’m so fucking sorry-”

“What was that for?” He panted, eyes wide as bewilderment flew across his features. She didn’t blame him: her actions had shocked  _ her _ .

“M-making you - holding your breath stops anxiety. I, uh, read it. Or something. You’ll be fine, Potter.” 

She pointed her wand towards his glasses and whispered, “ _ Impervius.”  _ James raised his eyebrows as his breathing slowed to normal, “It’ll fix your glasses.”

“There’s only a minute left of time out! You good, James?” Remus called out, Lily thanking her lucky stars that he hadn’t entered the tent to find them in the suggestive position.  

“Y-yeah!” Lily stood up quickly, and James did the same, scrambling to pull his pant leg down.

He left the tent with a scream of, “Let’s win this match, Gryffindor!” Leaving her flushed and breathing too quickly and entirely alone.

A roaring cheer was heard in response (probably led by Sirius) as James walked out of the tent, good as new. Lily heard Jared’s voice beginning to commentate once more as her legs shook nervously, unable to help but fear Remus knew what had happened.

 

\--

 

“And Potter scores again! He is literal fire! Whatever happened to him on that timeout must’ve given him the biggest booster of his life!” Remus looked toward Lily, a smile resting on his lips smugly as though he could see directly into her mind. “And that means we’re on 90-80 to Gryffindor!”

The entire group of people surrounding Lily broke into deafening screams as Gryffindor was announced to be winning for the first time all day. It was almost three o’clock in the afternoon, the match had been going on for six hours and Lily was praying that Marlene would see the Snitch soon. 

“C’mon Mckinnon - find that damned Snitch!” Jared called as Marlene circled lazily over the match. 

Marlene snapped her head downwards towards the commentator’s box, obviously agitated. She dove down towards Jared and he quickly began apologizing profusely, holding his hands above his head like  _ that  _ would stop whatever damage Marlene could do to him. Lily let her eyes waft over to the other seeker, Andy, who was resting in mid-air, head thrown back in laughter at his opposition. But - Marlene hadn’t slowed, and she was quite near Jared now. She had her hand reached out in front of her like she was grabbing at something - and then it hit her. Marlene had seen the Snitch! 

There was a roaring, deafening cheer as Jared ducked down and Marlene flew over him, her fingers millimeters away from the golden glint in the air.

Lily blinked quickly, her eyes watering from the wind and when she opened her eyes again Marlene was holding one hand up in the air and Jared was announcing “McKinnon’s caught the Snitch, Gryffindor  _ wins _ !” and utter chaos was swallowing her up in the form of screams and cheers.

The Gryffindor team landed and went in for a group hug, Marlene at its center. 

Dorcas and Alice were pulling Lily down the stairs with shouts of ‘ _ She caught the snitch!’  _ in voices of hyper nervous excitement and exhaustion. They made their way down to the pitch and grabbed onto Marlene tightly, their friend laughing giddily as they did so. The rain pouring over them seemed non-existent, their soaked hair and clothes didn’t even seem to matter.

“I’ve got no shame wearing this,” Lily laughed, “I’m happily all yours.”

Marlene gave her a giant grin and kissed her on the cheek, “Love you, Lily.” She looked towards her other friends, “But I have to shower. I’ve never been so dirty and disgusting in my life.” 

“Don’t take too long, my dear Marley. We’ve got the party!” Sirius yelled, swinging his arm over Marlene’s shoulder, “All thanks to you!”

They walked off together towards the showers and the girls were then blessed with the presence of James Potter.  “You certainly pulled through, Mr. Captain.” Alice giggled, “Looks like you needed that bludger!”

James smiled a lazy, happy grin, “Or maybe just a good luck booster.” His eyes wandered over to Lily, who flushed under his gaze. The moment that she had blocked out for the entirety of the game came rushing back to her, like a bucket of ice water falling onto her. Her breathing became shallow and quiet as realisation dawned on her -

She had kissed James.

James Potter, who she had hated for the entire time they had known each other. James Potter, who bullied her and Severus with his torment and tricks for  _ years. _ James Potter, who had stolen her friends and spread rumors about her. James, who she had had a good time with over the summer. James, who had grown up a bit, even if only remotely. James, who had helped her with Charms and not even once boasted about his superior skill. James, who helped his friends and dedicated his time to their wellbeing.

It was still decidedly  _ not  _ Elias! Her boyfriend. Her beautiful, kind boyfriend.

It was still James. Freaking. Potter.

“You guys go - the party is waiting for you! The team and I will be there in, like half an hour.” James winked and turned, walking in the same direction Marlene and Sirius had headed. 

The girls began walking, but Lily felt faint. She didn’t want to go to the party, she wanted to  _ cry.  _ James Potter could absolutely not the person she had just kissed - they weren’t even  _ friends! _ Lily barely listened as Alice and Dorcas made casual chatter walking up to the common room, her stomach flipping around and spinning as if it were the teacup ride at a muggle fair. Her head hurt like someone was digging knives into her skull and her hands were shaking as if she had been electrocuted. 

_ What if he tells everyone? I’ll be made an absolute fool of...nobody will ever take me seriously again! Elias will think I cheated,  _ everyone  _ will think I cheated...I  _ did  _ cheat... _

_ What if he thinks we’re together now?  _

_ What if he’s weird about it? _

_ What if  _ I’m  _ weird about it? _

_ What if- _

Lily’s thoughts were cut off with loud cheering and music as she entered the common room, as well as a drink slopped right down her top,“Oh, Merlin I’m so sorry...Do you want me to get you a drink?”

A boy in seventh year was speaking to her, but she barely heard him. She shook her head and stomped upstairs to change, not being able to wait until the party died down so she could cry into the shoulder of one of her drunk friends (or Dorcas).

She threw on the shorter jersey that she had contemplated on wearing earlier in the day and moved to the cabinet with the intention to spray her favorite rose perfume before stopping herself - it had run out.  _ Months  _ ago. 

_ “ME? You’re one to talk, Evans, your rose perfume is giving me a bloody asthma attack!” _

James’ words echoed through her mind as her stomach dropped - she hadn’t been wearing her rose perfume the day they made Amortentia - she had been wearing  _ strawberry  _ smelling perfume. The Amortentia  _ must  _ have worked for James to be smelling roses, not her perfume.

She sat on her bed, steadying herself. Did that mean what she could smell - cinnamon sugar and chocolate - had been Amortentia? She had been smelling been what  _ James  _ smelt like?

She could hear the cheers getting even louder downstairs, and figured she had better go down there before someone came looking for her. (All of this James Potter madness was just  _ too  _ much to deal with).With shaky limbs and her mind a dizzy mess, she made her way down. Of course, as she entered, James had walked in beside Sirius, Marlene clinging to the latter’s back, and the entire House lost it, cheering on their captain and star players.

Lily frowned, almost choking herself with the memory of her lips against James’, breathing in his smell that she couldn’t rid from her senses. She took a seat by the fire, sulking as she grabbed a random book from the table in front of her and began pretending to read, hesitantly flipping the page every few minutes.

“My dear Lily Flower.” An (unfortunately) familiar voice sighed, “Why are you looking like somebody told you Slytherin is officially the only house in Hogwarts?” Sirius sat down next to (more like on top of) her and gave her a small smile.

“I don’t. I’m happy! We won!”

“Come have a drink, Evans.” Sirius expected her to say no, she knew it. He wouldn’t have asked her otherwise. 

Lily looked Sirius straight in the eye, “You know what, Black? I will.”

  
  


\--

Lily couldn’t see straight.

Well. That could be an overreaction, slightly. 

But she definitely wasn’t right. 

“Isn’t firewhiskey great, Evans?” 

Lily nodded and took another shot, screwing her eyes closed at the burning sensation that it left trailing down her throat. It burnt like literal fire as if someone had sent flames down her throat and throughout her entire body. It left her with a buzzing feeling of wanting to walk on air, but Lily kept that much to herself. She watched James as he danced with Marissa, a seventh year girl, stumbling over his own feet through his dorky dancing. She took another gulp of firewhiskey, but the sensation was nothing compared to the burning she felt at the thought that she was supposed to hate James Potter, not be fawning over his dancing or the way his lips moved against hers-

Maybe alcohol wasn’t the best course of action.

“Or maybe you haven’t had enough yet.” Sirius hiccuped, passing her the bottle, “What’s wrong with you?”

So. She had said that aloud. 

“Nothing!” She didn’t move from her spot, watching James move between students every minute he stood there dancing and Lily couldn’t help the surge of anger that ran through her at the sight. Who did he think he was? Walking around the common room like he owned the bloody place, dancing with every girl (and guy, for that matter) in sight as if he deserved their attention.

It wasn’t right. Someone should be stopping him, the arrogant git.

Before Lily could comprehend her own actions she was standing up (barely straight) and walking to James.

“Hey, hey now, Red! Why don't we have fun somewhere else?" He guided her out of the common room, a hand pressed against her back as they huddled out of the portrait hole and into the hallway. To anyone else it would have looked as if they were finding somewhere to snog, Lily thought, though she couldn’t find it within her to care. 

“Sirius, I fucked up so badly.” She slurred, and he frowned as he unlocked the door to an abandoned classroom.

“What’d you do, Evans?”

She lowered her voice as he inched closer, “I kissed Potter.”

“W- _ what?”  _ Sirius cried, spitting his drink out and dropping the glass he was holding. 

She bit her lip and looked down at the floor, knowing the sick feeling in her stomach was etched all over her face. “I know.”

“Bloody hell!” He sat her down and soon followed, sitting beside her and speaking in a soft, quiet voice. “How did this happen? Did he say anything?”

“When I healed him.” She mumbled, feeling tears roll down her cheeks. She thought absentmindedly that the firewhiskey was pushing every emotion to the forefront of her mind. “He asked why I did it and then he left.”

“Why  _ did  _ you do it?”

Lily shook her head, humiliated, “He was rambling and going to give himself an anxiety attack I was trying to make him hold his breath.” She hiccuped and closed her eyes, “I should have just put my hands over his mouth.”

“Probably. Was it good, though?”

“ _ So  _ good, Sirius.” She whined, “Why did I do it?” She leaned back until she was flat against the stone floor, her knees pulled up. Sirius was laughing as tears rolled down her cheeks. She turned her head to look at him, “I even named my fucking cat the name he picked...Sirius,  _ why  _ did you let me do that?”

“It was harmless at the time!”

“ _ Snogging  _ wasn’t harmless at the time.” She sighed. “Stupid, stupid Potter. I have a  _ boyfriend! _ ”

“James won’t tell anyone.”

“But it’s the fact that I cheated in the first place!”

“You always have me, Evans. No matter what you do.”

She shot him a dry look, “I don’t fancy making it more Marauders I’ve kissed.”

“You could always kiss Peter, too, and make it the full set.”

Lily scrunched up her nose, “You know, he could be so hot but he always smells like  _ cheese.” _

Sirius lost all sense of anything going on around him and let out a cackling laugh, holding his stomach and leaning forward with laughter, his head resting on her knees.“Ah, Evans, why haven’t I gotten you drunk before?”

“Fuck off, Black. I’m not drunk. How did you know I kissed Remus?”

Sirius grinned, “Who do you think found twelve-year-old Remus pacing in his dorm?”

Lily laughed out loud, at that, remembering how Remus had confronted her and told her they weren’t dating (to which Lily had replied ‘Why would we be dating, Remus?’) Her laughter died down as she remembered she had now kissed two Marauders and felt tears spring to her eyes once more.

“It’s worse than just a kiss.” She sniffled, “I smelt Amortentia.”

“What? You mean someone gave you love potion?”

“No. I mean I smelt what I smelt - fuck it, I smelt him. I smelt cinnamon and chocolate and broom polish and that smells exactly like fucking-”

“James.” 

“You can’t tell him. We thought the potion didn’t work, but my perfume ran out months ago.”

“Marauders honour, Evans. Even I don’t take advantage of drunk girls.”

Lily inwardly rolled her eyes but said nothing to him. They stayed like that for a while, Lily laying against the cool stone ground and Sirius sitting beside her with the same feeling of a rock resting on her stomach, pressing against her lungs and ribs and slowing her movements. Maybe it was the firewhiskey. 

Or maybe, it was the first time Lily felt something other than hatred for James Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omgomgomgogmg they kissed bye this was the best moment of my life even tho its my own fic. also thnk u to everyone who has left comments & kudos ilysm!!!!!! pls keep validating me bc even tho theres a lot of chapters i still wanna die everytime i post I HOPE YOU LIKE THISSS it wil probably be edited a billion times but !!!! ill post next week!!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: hello hi anything u recognise isn't mine its all jkr xx

Lily awoke to an ear-splitting, deafening chorus of voices that she thought could probably drown out an entire marching band. A frustrated groan escaped her lips as she sat up and opened her eyes to the room at large. Unsurprisingly, she was met with the sight of her dormmates standing before her and sporting angelic grins, Marlene notably absent from the group.

“Do I even want to know what time it is?” She sighed, reaching up to hold her head in her hands.

“It’s 9am, your majesty.” Dorcas said mockingly, “How is that dear hangover of yours?”

Lily scowled, not happy to be awoken before lunch on a Saturday, before she considered the question. Her head wasn’t pounding in unbearable pain, as she had expected it to be, though she  _ was  _ nauseous. “I don’t particularly feel like breakfast.”

“Even though your friends  _ graciously  _ woke you for it? By Merlin, that’s unfortunate.”

Her friends laughed at Alice’s sarcasm, though Lily ignored them. “Where’s Marley?”

Alice laughed even harder as Mary explained their friend’s predicament, leaving Dorcas notably tense. “Remus told us he woke up to Marley in bed with Sirius and James wearing a Hufflepuff jersey and not much else."

“Godric, how did  _ that  _ happen?”

“She was so pissed.” Alice laughed, “Pretty sure she tried to tell me she has ancient goblin lineage.”

“That really should surprise me, so why doesn’t it?” 

Dorcas was still unusually quiet, taking her seat on the bed next to Lily with a poorly concealed scowl covering her features. Lily wondered whether either of them could truly know their effect on one another, seeing as though they were yet to notice it.

“I doubt she had too wild of a night in the Marauders dorm, Peter was most likely mother henning all over the place.” She said, hoping to appease the frown lines creasing her friend’s forehead and the tightness of her mouth. 

“Besides, Frank is a light sleeper and he wasn’t tired at all at breakfast!” Alice encouraged, understanding Lily’s angle.

Mary, as oblivious as usual, snorted. “Marley likes girls, there is no way Black is straight and James only likes girls called Lily. The other three are clearly out of the question, otherwise we really _ would  _ have to kick Longbottom’s ass and Peter would be out on the street before he could say a word.”

Lily laughed loudly before she could stop herself and turned to Dorcas, knocking shoulders with her upon seeing a small grin on her lips. Mary may be oblivious, she thought, but clearly knew what to say. “She will come back with the most abominable stories of boredom, I’m sure.”

With that, the girls abandoned conversation of Marlene. Lily was mostly sure that the girl in question would come strolling through the door within the hour, her long blonde hair tied up and matching a yellow Hufflepuff jersey, and cause an absolute riot with Dorcas at its centre. 

“How was your night, Miss Lily?” Dorcas asked her slyly, “I heard a rumour someone was snogging said ‘not straight’ Sirius Black.”

“Oh?” Lily raised an eyebrow innocently, “Who told you that?”

“A very drunk, very sad James Potter.”

She felt like she’d been punched in the stomach as the events of the previous day came flooding into her mind, the feeling of her lips pressed against James bloody Potter’s putting her heart in her throat. “Oh, dear.”

“Lil? You didn’t actually kiss Black, did you?” Dorcas asked, her eyes searching Lily’s frantically.

“W-what? No!”

“You kissed someone else!” She gasped, before looking around the dorm and lowering her voice. “Who was it? A girl? You can tell me, Lil.”

She shook her head stubbornly. “I didn’t kiss anyone, Dora. Sirius and I were talking, it was too loud at the party.”

“Who did you kiss, Rosie?” Dorcas grinned as Lily scowled. Dorcas, upon the realisation that her name was the name of a flower, had taken responsibility to substitute it with ‘Rose’ in what she called ‘desperate times’.

“Nobody, Dorky.”

Dorcas was unaffected by the name, though, and narrowed her eyes at her friend in suspicion. “You know we’ll get it out of you. If not me, then one of the others.”

“Too bad that your efforts will be wasted, then, because I _didn’t_ _kiss anyone_.”

“Don’t make me spread the Sirius and Lily rumour, Evans.”

She shrugged, “Sirius will love it. He’ll probably declare his love for me in the Great Hall at dinner.”

As though she had just given her the answer to the purpose of humanity, Dorcas’ jaw dropped and her eyes widened. “You kissed  _ James _ !”   


“Sorry?” Lily struggled to keep her face neutral, “What on earth gave you that impression?”

“You - declaring his love!” She thought that Dorcas might be slightly delirious, or maybe just a secret legilimens. “James did that!”

“Well spotted! How does that mean I kissed him?”

“That’s why you won’t tell me! You’ve never been secretive about your hookups before, so it’s  _ obviously  _ someone you wouldn’t be caught dead snogging.”

“I think I would remember if I snogged James Potter, Dora.” Lily whispered, “Drop it!”

“Oh, definitely not. How did this happen?  _ Why  _ did this happen?”

“Why are you assuming it happened at all?”

Dorcas dropped the grin and shot her a dead look. “I have known you since we were eleven, don’t think you can lie to me, Lily Evans. Now, answer my questions.”

\--

By the time Lily had endured Dorcas’ interrogation, her face was more flushed than she think she had ever experienced and was thus hidden in a pile of pillows that decorated her bed. 

“It’s not  _ such  _ a big deal, Lily.” Dorcas drawled, not attempting to hide her amusement as she flicked carelessly through the pages of a muggle magazine. “Potter’s a catch.”

“A catch that you throw back into the water.” She grumbled, her voice muffled by the pillow. 

“If I wasn’t so desperately pining after the opposite gender, I definitely wouldn't throw him back into the water.”

By then, the dorm had cleared out. Marlene had stumbled in, her hair the equivalent to a wrecked nest and sporting a wrinkled and far too big Hufflepuff jersey. She had made eye contact with Dorcas, who had been only halfway through her interrogation, and promptly turned on her heel and left the dorm. (They hadn’t seen her since). Alice and Mary had decided it was a rather perfect day for a smoke behind greenhouse four (to which Dorcas had wrinkled her nose in disgust), leaving an otherwise empty dorm. 

Lily lifted her head and rested it on her hand. “You said yourself he’s a twat.”

“I never said I would enjoy fancying him, but you only snogged. That doesn’t mean much, and he has pretty kissable lips."

“Dora!”

“Don’t deny it, there’s no way that kiss wasn’t enjoyable.” Lily only grumbled in reply and hid her face once again. “Come  _ on _ , Lily! You have the advantage here.”

“How in Merlin’s name is embarrassing myself in front of Potter, who has tormented me for years, an advantage?”

Dorcas snorted. “He’s probably been awestruck ever since.”

“James Potter, awestruck by my kiss?”

“Are you forgetting his multiple declarations of love because they were the highlight of my Hogwarts career-”

“Those had no other purpose than to humiliate me, he didn’t truly fancy me. And besides, he barely pays me attention these days.”

Dorcas had gone eerily quiet, the small space between them no longer filled with snorts of laughter or teasing giggles. “You’ve  _ got  _ to be kidding, Lily.”

“What?”

Her friend said nothing as she shook her head and rose from the bed, leaving the muggle magazine sitting between them as a reminiscence of their conversation. “For someone so bright, you’re awfully daft.” She said before stalking out of the dorm in her nightgown, leaving Lily to her own devices. 

“Dora!” Lily groaned, although she knew even if her friend had heard her she would be ignored. “Merlin’s bloody beard.”

_ Well _ , she thought bitterly,  _ the worst decision of my life award goes to kissing James Potter. _

\--

  
Lily had spent the remainder of her day reluctantly prowling the castle to find the one and only Sirius Black. She had avoided his dorm in an attempt to avoid James and had instead searched the common room and the Great Hall, had checked past the greenhouses (even greenhouse four, where she had found Remus, Alice, Frank and Mary) and  _ even  _ teetered down the Quidditch pitch to no avail. Dorcas had refused to speak to her after she had stormed out of the dormitory and she was eager to placate her anxieties about needing to speak to stupid James Potter about this stupid, stupid situation. Surely, he wouldn’t tell anybody (though Lily wasn’t one hundred percent certain on that) and surely he wouldn’t think anything of the obviously unexpected and unintentional kiss (could snogging be unintentional? Probably not, she thought). The worst, most unbearable fact of the entire situation was that she might have to address all of  _ this  _ to his stupid, gorgeous face which was almost as horrible an idea than the kiss itself.  

“Where are you off to, Miss Lily?” A sweet, teasing voice broke her from her dreary (and mildly embarrassing) thoughts which she recognised immediately as her best friend’s. Upon seeing her, Lily realised she had drastically improved her appearance since this morning, her blonde hair clean and styled in a neat pony tail with what was clearly newly washed flared jeans and a Gryffindor-red jumper.

“A desperate and wayward search for Sirius Black.” Her friend frowned and Lily felt heat crawl up her neck as she realised how odd that would seem to Marlene, who had no knowledge of the events of the previous day, nor their slowly developing friendship. “For potions, he was supposed to met me.” She corrected.

“Ah, but of course.” Marlene grinned, “The evasive Sirius Black has returned in fear of his academic responsibility. He must be influencing you.”

“What?”

“Well,” She paused, her eyes coloured with mirth as if the situation was pleasing her greatly. “The 6th year Gryffindor Prefects were strangely and notably absent from this morning’s meeting, according to Emmeline.”

“Oh - fuck!” She slammed a hand against her forehead in frustration. “Remus must have completely forgotten, too. I can’t  _ believe  _ we both forgot-”

“Hangovers do that, sometimes.” She giggled, linking arms with her friend and pulling her along the corridor toward the library (Lily thought this was strange, but said nothing. Marlene was far too chipper to be questioned). 

“Speaking of, you seem free of the usual symptoms.”

“Remus gave me Pepperup potion, he nicked it from Slughorn. I don’t know  _ how  _ he was chosen for Prefect! Not that McGonagall was left with many choices, but surely Frank is more well behaved!” Marlene continued her confusion with McGonagall’s choice (which was incredibly boring) as they neared the library’s entrance, leaving Lily to wonder vaguely what on earth Marlene’s motives were for bringing her here. “Lily! Are you listening? I said there’s a Hogsmeade visit planned for next weekend, think of the Christmas shopping!”

“Oh, I’ll be able to see Elias!” Lily grinned, before a swooping sensation tore through her chest. How would she be able to tell him that she’d kissed James Potter, especially after her promise at the train station?

“Merlin, Lil, what’s wrong with you today? You’re barely here!”

“Sorry, Marls.” She muttered, “What were you saying?”

Her friend sighed as they searched for a table and dropped into the first available one they spotted. “I don’t know whether to ask a girl - what do you think will make Dora more jealous?”

“Why not just ask  _ her _ ?”

“Godric Gryffindor, Lily! She’s with Benjy, first of all, and I also have no idea if she’s interested! I can’t just go in that strong.”

She hummed in agreement, Dorcas’ words on ‘pining for the opposite gender’ to James Potter echoing in her mind. “When do you suppose she’ll break up with him?”

Marlene shrugged, her blonde pony tail bouncing on her shoulders. “I’m not judging. I strung Axel Haverson along for almost three months.”

“I suppose.”

“Don’t try and put yourself in her position, Lil.” She warned. “She’s in a tough position because he’s such a nice guy, how do you break up with someone after that long with the reasoning ‘by the way, I’m just not that into dick.’?”

Lily laughed loudly, covering her mouth quickly to avoid being thrown out of the library, of all places. “I’m not exactly green with envy, Marley.”

“I just want to know what she wants!” She groaned, leaning down to rest her head in her hands. 

Lily, having been in this position many times with Marlene, was about to suggest heading to the dorm to empty her sweets stash, before she was rudely interrupted. 

“What’s that I hear? Problems with a girl?” Sirius’ voice was so loud Lily thought the entire library could hear him, probably. “Finally converted to the other side, Red?”

“The other side?” 

“I could have sworn that was you, Marley.” He continued, ignoring her question. “What’s your drama?” Lily hoped that her glaring would somehow have a permanent impact on him, though the chances were slim. “Is this because you kissed him?” He asked, turning to Lily.

“What? Who did you kiss, Lily?”

Lily closed her eyes and willed the entire essence of Sirius Black to be away from her. Far, far away. Preferably trapped inside his a box forever, never to be seen at Hogwarts again. 

“Nobody.” She managed to get out through gritted teeth. 

“Uh, yeah you did. You kissed Jame-” Lily lunged at Sirius closing her hands over his mouth. But it was too late, Marlene had heard, and was looking extremely smug about it.

“Fuck off, Black. You said you wouldn’t say anything!”

“I haven’t! This is the first time I’ve spoken about it. I haven’t told a soul!”

“You told Marley!”

“Accidentally!”

“You kissed  _ James?”  _ Marlene exclaimed.

“...Accidentally?”

“How do you accidentally kiss someone?”

“Well I didn’t do it on purpose that’s for damn sure! We weren’t even talking about this, this is  _ irrelevant.” _

“Merlin, it definitely is  _ not  _ irrelevant! This is  _ incredible _ !”

“I am inclined to agree, Evans.”

Lily glared at the two people sitting in front of her as Marlene cocked an eyebrow in interest. “Where you drunk? Was  _ he  _ drunk? Does he remember it?” Before Lily could even begin to answer her questions, she had turned to Sirius in accusation. “And why in Godric’s name do  _ you  _ know?”

“Nobody was drunk, I don’t know-”

“He  _ definitely  _ remembers.” Sirius cut her off with a smirk. 

“-And Black knows because I made the drunken mistake of telling him.”

“Hey!”

“Oh, Lil.” Marlene cackled, “This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“We’re never mentioning this again, it meant  _ nothing. _ ”

“But you smelt amortentia! That means something.” Sirius insisted. 

Marlene’s eyes widened and she started coughing as if she was choking. “Merlin’s saggy left-”

“Sirius!”   


“You smelt amortentia? On  _ James _ ? Lily I was joking before but that’s  _ love potion!” _

“I think I had that figured out, thanks.”

“Holy shit balls! Does he know?”

“ _ No.  _ And he won’t be knowing anytime soon, if ever. You little rat, I’m never telling you anything again.”

Sirius smirked like there was a private joke that had been said, but only said, “I’m sorry, Red. I won’t tell anyone else that you’re in love with James.”

Lily scowled, “Avada Kedavra me, will you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i didn't update dont come for me!!! i've finally graduated / finished all exams & so i promise ill update properly ily u all sm for all ur comments u give me life & sustain me i hope u enjoy this its pretty long!!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i dont own anything its all jk rowling

“Ms. Evans?” Professor McGonagall was staring back down at her, holding a quill and a short roll of parchment. Lily took a deep breath and exchanged a glance with James, who was lingering suspiciously at the desk in front of her. He had dark circles under his eyes and a deep scratch that led from his collar to under his shirt, but Lily told herself she didn’t care even in the slightest. 

He sent her a crooked grin that  _ almost  _ had Lily smiling back, butterflies erupting in her stomach as he mouthed a quick ‘good luck’. She cursed her reaction to his presence, wanting to crawl into a hole so his face never entered her mind again. Instead, Lily picked up her wand from the desktop and pointed it straight at the bird. She closed her eyes and bit the inside of her lip to stop herself from saying the words, forming the pictures in her mind of the bloody bird turning into a toad, just as she had been practicing turning Sunshine into a goblet.

“Well done,” Lily opened her eyes to an impressed Professor McGonagall. “And I believe a well done is in order for you also, Mr Potter.”  James’ eyes widened, caught out of his seat. “5 points to Gryffindor.”

"We're a talented team, Professor."

That sent Lily scowling angrily at him, which only made him laugh obnoxiously. Professor McGonagall, whose lips were pursed so tightly Lily thought they could probably disappear any second, moved towards the front of the room, setting her quill and parchment down with a ‘thud’ louder than Lily assumed parchment could ever create. “This is the most vital part of your magical education, and less than half of you are able to adequately perform this spell! I expect a NEWT class are able to complete the spell. I assure you all that I expect hard work and determination. We should be getting through this course twice as fast. For homework, I expect 4-inch essay on the effects and requirement of transfiguration in life.”

“But Professor-!”

“I have no regard for anything you have to do this weekend, Potter. Class dismissed.”

Her lips were nearing non-existence, Lily thought, as the Professor returned to her desk stiffly. Lily’s mouth turned down in pity for Remus, who hadn’t been in class as a result of the full moon the night before.

“You know, you never told us what happened Saturday night, Marls,” Alice said, her tone teasing as the girls caught up with one another after class. “Are you this grouchy because Dorcas is mad at you for waking up in bed with Sirius?”

“Fuck off, Fortescue.” Lily and Alice only giggled in response. “Nobody knows that’s why she’s mad at me, you git.”

“Oh no, I’m sure it was because you ditched her to dance with Tommy Olsen.”

“No, Lil! It’s because she ignored her when she tried to  _ congratulate  _ her for the match-”

Marlene glared as both girls erupted into laughter, heads thrown back and tears forming in their eyes. “She doesn’t  _ care  _ about that stuff, idiots.”

Lily sobered up, eager to let her sarcasm show.“Definitely not, Marls. Not like she’s been your best friend  _ forever _ -”

“Or that your friendship is basically an unlabelled relationship since you told her you were into girls."

“Face it Marls. There is something going on and it’s  _ definitely  _ because you ditched her on Saturday night.”

“I didn’t want to embarrass myself, now both of you can fuck right off.”

Lily and Alice laughed again before they decided no harm would be done by going down to dinner early, especially since Lily had patrols with Benjy (who had to replace Remus) beginning at the conclusion of dinner. 

“Have you heard about the Hogsmeade visit on Saturday?” Peter asked as the three girls sat down at the Gryffindor table. They nodded in response, and nobody could get a word in before Peter asked his next question. “Do you think Mary would go with me if I asked?”

“Uhh,” Lily exchanged looks with her two friends. “Sure, Peter. Just ask her, I’m pretty sure she had fun with you at the dance! She’s had a hard time since Reg and her... You know. No harm in asking.”

“Thanks, Lily.” Peter smiled. “Are you taking anybody?”

Lily shook her head, “I doubt it. I haven’t heard back from Elias, though he promised he would try and find some time to see me- ” She cut herself off angrily, watching as Alice and Marlene rolled their eyes. “What?”

“When are you going to stop making excuses for him, Lily? He’s a shit boyfriend, he never even answers your letters!”

Peter looked more than mildly uncomfortable as Lily frowned. “He’s a Healer, he’s very busy.”

Marlene opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but Peter beat her to it, a frown on his face. “It doesn’t matter how busy I could be, I would always reply to my girlfriend’s letters if I never saw her.”

Marlene and Alice both had smug smiles of triumph on their faces as Lily huffed in frustration. “Well, you’re not a Healer. He told me he wouldn’t find time to write, it’s not like he’s out with other girls-”

Alice raised her eyebrows, a sympathetic expression creeping onto her face. “I  _ told  _ you, Lil, my mum saw him with-”

“I don’t care, Ali! If he didn’t want to be with me, he would break up with me.”

“He’d have to talk to you to do that.” Marlene muttered, stabbing her mash potato angrily. “To think I was so happy when you got together.”

Lily opened her mouth to retort, but Peter cut her off quickly as though he could sense her temper wearing thin. “This chicken is incredible, Lily! You should try some, Sirius told me you love chicken.” Lily grumbled an agreement, facing away from her two friends with the intention of beginning a conversation with Peter before being interrupted by the person she wanted to see possibly least in the entire universe - James Potter.

Neither of them had spoken since they kissed on Saturday and as much as Lily said it had meant nothing, she could sense something had changed between them - possibly because he had been able to keep his obnoxious mouth shut. She thought that they should talk about it, probably, but neither had made a move to do so. “Hey, Pete.” He sat down beside him, directly across from Lily. She stared into her mash potatoes, eager to ignore his presence. 

“James! We were thinking- wow.” Lily looked up at Peter’s abrupt interruption, intrigued, and found herself thinking the same thing. James’ messy hair was a pale, pastel pink (though his roots were still a dark, familiar black) and, Lily noticed as he picked up his fork, his nails were painted the same shade. It looked gorgeous against his dark skin, and Lily internally groaned at how James Potter managed to constantly look so  _ good.  _ “Your hair, um-”

“It’s pink, I know. Do you think I charmed it properly? It took me ages.”

“Should have done it the muggle way.” Lily told him, before promptly stuffing potatoes in her mouth. There was nothing she needed less than to flirt with James Potter, except maybe look at him any longer than she had to, like this. 

A familiar, cheeky grin etched it’s way onto his lips, coloured slightly with a lack of certainty that had obnoxious, cruel butterflies crawling around her stomach as they had in Transfiguration. “I didn’t know how and I needed to take an immediate stand. I’m protesting gender roles.” Before Lily could ask why, exactly, he had felt the urge to do so right away, he continued. “I heard some rumours that people were bitching out Shannon’s skill from the last game because she let in some goals but she kicked  _ ass _ by stopping the other hundred that came her way.”

Lily watched him with the overwhelming feeling that she did not know James Potter at all, as well as a warm, honey-like feeling in her stomach at the fact that he was taking such a stand for the small, 2nd year girl that he had chosen as Keeper. 

“Because she’s a girl?” Peter frowned, “That’s unfair.”

“They’re saying I should take her off the team, that girls shouldn’t play Quidditch, but she beat all guys that tried out so to hell with that.”

“How’d you do it, Prongs? I want to join you!”

“Fuck yeah, Peter!” James stood up, “Stay still, I’ll do it now.” Lily watched as James charmed Peter’s hair with butterflies in her stomach, for some unbeknown reason. He grinned at her, sending the butterflies to flutter messily inside of her. “Wanna join, Evans?”

Obviously, he was extremely unattractive. 

Obviously.

“Can’t really debate gender roles as a girl by charming my hair pink.”

He cocked an eyebrow after nodding in contemplation. “How about blue, then?”

“I’ll leave the protesting to you, for now.”

“James!" Marlene interupted, seeing him for the first time. "Tell Lily she should break up with Elias.” She demanded, causing an expression equivalent to ‘fuck’ to slip onto Peter’s face. 

James merely frowned. “Why would I do that?”

“Because he’s a git and she deserves better.”

He looked toward Lily with curious, questioning eyes. “I think Evans should do what she wants.”

“Even Potter agrees with me!” Lily stood up, anger bubbling at the surface of her skin. “This is  _ my  _ relationship and therefore  _ my  _ decision. Stay out of it!” 

James looked slightly offended, sending more frustration through her. Potter was a git and she couldn’t wait to be away from him (or so she hoped), nor could she stand to be around her friends who wouldn’t shut up about Elias. Ignoring her barely touched plate, she stood and stalked out of the Great Hall, away from  _ both  _ of them.

And if Sirius snuck down to the kitchens to get her food during patrols (after her and Benjy had caught him in a broom cupboard) then nobody had to know. It was all for dramatic effect. 

 

\--

“What do you mean you don’t want me patrolling with Benjy, Black?”

“We aren’t on a first-name basis yet? You told me your deepest, darkest secrets, Red.” Lily ignored him, the pair exchanging a glare before he continued. “I don’t trust him! He’s a Puddlemere fan.”

“So is Potter.”

“But he’s in Ravenclaw.” He whined.

Lily frowned with wide eyes, bemused. “So is Emmeline!”

“I...want to patrol with you!”

“You should have been made Prefect, then.”

“I’ve already tried to trade with Remus, he even petitioned with me. McGonagall refused.”

“Oh, I wonder why.”

“Let me live my dream, Evans.”

“You’re only doing this because we caught you snogging Aida Chawla yesterday.”

“There was definitely no snogging involved. Let’s go, Ginger.”

“My hair is not ginger.”

“Let’s go.” Sirius whined.

“If we get caught I’ll shove your face through the trick step on the fourth floor.”

“Noted.”

“You still want to come?”

“Most definitely.” She rolled her eyes and was out of the portrait hole before Sirius could move from his seat. There was a strange absence of an uneasy feeling in her stomach at letting Sirius Black, of all people, join her for patrols. She wondered vaguely when the Marauders had infiltrated her life, and thought that it probably could have been avoided by  _ not  _ kissing James Potter. 

Their lengthy journey to the first floor was mostly quiet, interrupted only by ‘tsk’s’ of impatience from Sirius as the staircases changed positions while they were only halfway up them and shared, quiet laughter as they passed a particularly rude portrait. Inwardly, she was surprised at the comfortable quiet that sat between them. He was renowned for his interruptions and obnoxious, attention-seeking personality that bounded off of the walls of Hogwarts each day and she could hardly believe he walked peacefully beside her. She knew she had misjudged the four boys, though the extent to which she had done so would surprise her every day for the rest of her life, she thought. 

“So, Red, what do you think of that Potter dude?” He asked as they wandered around the first floor, his eyes glinting in the moonlight. 

“Remind me again why I let you come with me?”

Sirius grinned cheekily. “You adore me, that’s why.”

“Unfortunately.” 

“Don’t grumble, Evans. But really, have you spoken to James?”

“He’s  _ your _ boyfriend, why don’t you ask him?” She shot back, eager to remove James Potter far from any of her conversations. 

He shrugged as though unbothered. “He hasn’t told me, yet.”

Lily’s skin prickled at the news. “Are you - what?”

“So?”

She shook her head, unable to barely believe her own hearing. There was no way James wouldn’t have told Sirius, his best friend. (She thought her misconceptions and failed judgement were getting extreme, at this point). “We haven’t. I presumed he would-”

“He won’t. It’s your move, Evans.”

“Well I can’t very well do it now, can I?”

“Why not?” She didn’t answer him, instead staring at the concrete ground beneath her feet. There was no way she could hold a conversation with Potter now, with his pink hair and pink nails and that gorgeous dopey smile. The silence stretched between them, the boy beside her seemingly awaiting her next move, before he finally spoke again. “Marley reckons you should cut it off with Novak.” His motive for joining her had been revealed, at last. She told him so, to which he refused. “I agree with her. That isn’t a relationship, Red.”

Lily scowled. “When exactly was your last relationship, Black?”

She thought he might have flinched, though put it down to a trick of the light as they passed under an open window. “Do you even speak?”

“Occasionally. He’s a Healer now, it’s too hard for him to find time to write to me-”

“You’re patronising yourself-”

“It’s the truth! I’m sure we’ll see one another on Saturday at Hogsmeade and if not, on winter break.”

He shook his head. “Do you still fancy him, even?”

“Of course I do. It’s  _ Elias. _ ”

Before Lily could elaborate on why exactly that explanation was good enough, a deafening crash was heard from further up the hallway. The two exchanged a bewildered glance before his eyes filled with mirth, a smirk forming on his lips. “I hear snogging.”

“You can  _ hear  _ snogging? It’s probably Peeves, Sirius-”

“This, Lily dear, calls for investigation!”

Lily rolled her eyes but couldn’t deny or repress the fond smile that formed on her face. It was terrible, truly. Following Sirius’ lead, she found herself in front of a broom closet that was most definitely _ not  _ empty. She vaguely wondered how on earth Sirius had known this was the source of the sound, but disregarded the thought as he held up a countdown from three on his fingers. When he had reached one, he ripped the door open, clearly not one for an emphasis on tact nor privacy, and - 

“Dorky!” Sirius yelled, putting fingers over his eyes, “And Ramos! Bloody Merlin!”

Lily met her friend’s eyes as she looked up with a gasp, frantically wiping the smudged lipstick from the edges of her lips. Dorcas rarely wore such bright makeup, which struck Lily as slightly odd, but she said nothing as her friend desperately attempted to button her shirt and fix her tie, wiping makeup onto her white school shirt and blending with the colours of the Gryffindor tie. 

“Uh, five points from both of your houses for being out after hours.” 

“Come on, Evans!”

“Serves you right!” Sirius snarled, “You’re lucky I’m not a prefect, I would have made it fifty. You don't cheat on people, Meadowes.” Sirius was furious, his tone grovelling and menacing and Lily felt guilt creep down her spine as he glared toward Dorcas, knowing she had done the same thing to Elias at the Quidditch match. “You’re bloody lucky it wasn’t him that caught you.” He muttered and swiftly shut the broom closet door behind him. 

She chased after him, apologies and pleas for forgiveness on the tip of her tongue as his words rolled over in her mind as if he had spat them toward her. “Don’t say anything, Evans. It’s completely different-”

“How, exactly?”

Sirius huffed. “Fenwick’s only fault is the fact he’s a Ravenclaw and Novak is a A-grade prick.”

“Don’t blame Dora, she’s in a tough position-” Lily tried, repeating Marlene’s words, but was cut off with a sharp glare from Sirius. 

“Don’t defend her.”

“Then don’t defend me! I cheated on my boyfriend, too!”

Sirius looked toward her, his lip tucked beneath his teeth and his eyes coloured in curiosity as he studied her. “You didn’t snog James selfishly.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, feeling as if all the air had been knocked out of her. Without even stopping to think about it, she knew what he had said was a lie. She could feel his lips on hers every time she closed her eyes, the heat of his chest and the scratchy material of his Quidditch jersey on the palms of her hands, the smell of chocolate and cinnamon sugar invading her space. There had always been a small, miniscule part of her that had wondered what it would be like to run her hands through his hair, to roll her lips over his and to share the same oxygen - though his personality and superficial interest in her had shrouded any desire that had began in third year. What had possessed her in that moment, she wasn’t sure, but she knew it was definitely not selfless.

Taking her silence as a cue, Sirius hummed. “So now we have established that you don’t properly fancy Novak, can you tell me the truth about that kiss?”

Lily felt her face form a frown. “I told you everything!”

“You didn’t say a thing about how you felt about it, Evans.” 

As she began to protest, she realised she hadn’t even attempted to protest his lack of faith in her feelings for Elias and quickly brushed the idea away - his stubbornness was to blame. “It was a good kiss.” She started, remembering Dorcas’ comments about his lips (which were, unfortunately, true). “He doesn’t seem to care about it, all of it just seems to be a rather hilarious joke, actually-”

“Red...”

She ignored his warning. “So if he’s not bothered by it, then neither am I.”

“So it meant nothing, then?”

“Obviously.”

“Evans, look at me and tell me you felt nothing when you kissed James.”

She rolled her eyes. “I felt nothing.”

“You have terrible eye contact skills.”

“Sirius!”

Sirius smirked and ran his tongue along the bottom of his teeth in that way that all cocky boys do when they have every inclination that they’re correct. “Alright, Evans.”

“You don’t believe me.”

“Those are your words, not mine.”

“I don’t fancy him, Sirius.”

“You will, though.”

Lily laughed hollowly, thinking of James’ pink hair and matching nails and the way her stomach had fluttered at his stupid, gorgeous, dopey grin. “Over my dead body, maybe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u enjoy this its a mess but what else is new !! dOES LILY LIKE JAMES? DOES JAMES LIKE LILY? who knows bc its definietly nOT ME and honestly will she ever break up with elias bc she really should thanks FOR READING LOVELIES


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: u dudes all know this isn't mine its all jk rowling im trash

The following week, Lily continued to avoid James. He refused to charm his hair back to it’s original colour (a fact not gone unnoticed by Lily, who thought she might possibly be driven crazy by the Marauder) and had managed to earn himself three nights of detention for hexing Avery’s skin equally as pink after the Slytherin had made some particularly crude commentary on James’ colour choice. Madam Pomfrey hadn’t been able to undo the curse (on purpose, Lily thought) for two entire days, which led to many Slytherins walking around with pink skin in solidarity with Avery.

“They’ve bloody out done me, now!” He cried, his head in his hands. “It wasn’t meant to be a trend!”

They were in Defence as he whined and Lily thought that she probably shouldn’t be able to hear James Potter’s stupid voice from all the way at the back of the classroom. A voice which continuously failed to speak to  _ her  _ (though she hadn’t exactly spoken to him, either) and therefore was unfair and distracting background noise. 

“Even the Hufflepuffs have caught on. I think your protesting days are over, Prongs.” Remus mused and really, did they think nobody else could hear them? Granted, she  _ was  _ only two seats in front of Potter and one in front of Remus, but conversations were meant to be  _ private. _

“Absolutely not! Gabriel is  _ my  _ keeper and I’ll protest for her until she can play Quidditch without bloody criticisms from the patriarchy.” Lily’s heart swelled inside her chest, slightly (or more than that, maybe), as he huffed against his book. “I’ll show those slimy gits how to protest.”

“Is this really the spirit of protesting, James-”

“I thought you were supporting me, Peter!”

“While I’m intrigued to discover just how little he supports you, Mr. Potter, I would much rather discover the extent of your knowledge on Dementors, which is what you ought to be studying.”

The class stilled at the voice of Professor Landelion, new to Hogwarts (in the spirit of all of Hogwarts’ Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers, Lily supposed) and had only graduated Hogwarts four years prior. She wasn’t as strict as McGonagall, but was still respected by the Marauders and other trouble makers alike. “Would you like a presentation, Professor?” James quipped cheekily, and Lily didn’t even have to see his face to know he was grinning ridiculously. She shook her head as Alice beside her laughed with the rest of the class, turning the page and continuing her notes. 

“In the form of an essay on Dementors and defences against them, at least three feet, please!” She grinned as the entire class groaned loudly, turning to glare at Potter (who was only laughing loudly) for their homework.

“Bloody James Potter and his smart mouth!” Dorcas yelled as soon as they left the classroom, Marlene trailing far behind with said Potter and the remainder of the Marauders. They were yet to speak after Marlene found out Dorcas had snogged Ramos and had instead found refuge with the Marauders despite their attempts to convince her otherwise.  “I was planning to-”

“Break up with Benjy?” Alice asked, glaring at her friend (who flushed darkly) before turning on her heel and leaving Dorcas to drop her head onto Lily’s shoulder.

“Bugger.”

“They’ll come ‘round, Dora.” Lily mumbled. “How about we get you some pudding for lunch, hm?”

Her friend sent her a grateful glance. “Thanks, Lil. Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You better fix this soon, though. They’re right, you know.” She said matter-of-factly as they left the hallway and trotted toward the Great Hall.

“It’ll be fixed after the Hogsmeade visit, I just know it. Two weeks and it’ll be back to normal.”

Lily doubted her stubborn friends would be made up by then, but didn’t dare dim her positivity. “Pudding, then?”

 

\--

  
By nightfall, Lily’s patience with the girls in her dorm was wearing thin. Marlene refused to talk to Dorcas, Dorcas would barely look in Marlene’s direction, Alice didn’t miss an opportunity to send Dorcas disapproving glares or jabs and Mary was obtusely oblivious to any and all difference within their group. She wasn’t sure if this was because Mary wasn’t apart of their group outside of the dorm (preferring to spend her time with her Hufflepuff best friend and the large group that came as a result of their friendship) or because she was purposely ignorant, but Lily couldn’t deal with it any longer. Instead, she resorted to the library in a desperate attempt to escape their madness. She helped a pair of struggling second years with their  _ petrificus totalus  _ curses, counter-curses and defences for almost an hour before they had perfected them and left, ensuring she could begin her own work. 

She could see out into the hallway that was lit with witchlight and out the window of the library, the Black Lake blending into the rest of the grounds, only the shimmer against the moonlight to differentiate it. Her eyes stung with exhaustion as she completed the three feet of parchment on dementors that had been set as a result of James bloody Potter and praised herself for finishing all other homework for the next day prior to her visit to the library. Lily cast her eyes around the room. There was a younger Gryffindor girl in third year sitting a few tables to her left and a seventh year Ravenclaw at the far end of the library. She reached her hands up, stretching them to the high ceiling before standing and gathering her books. Upon doing so, the younger Gryffindor girl who had asked for help on finding a book about mandrakes stood also (she thought she might have a shadow, maybe, and was glad to ensure she got back to the Tower unharmed) and followed her out of the library and along the darkened hallways of Hogwarts.

“My, this  _ is  _ our lucky night. Evans, would you believe our luck?”

She felt a shiver run down her spine as the voice called out to her in the darkened hallway, but did not dare let it show. She hoped desperately that the third year had abandoned her and would have a better fate than she. “Hi, Rosier.” Luck was clearly on her side, tonight, as Alecto Carrow and Jamie Bruis joined Evan as they stepped out of the shadows and into the witchlight of the hallway. “You brought friends, then.”

“Not enough of them.” Tutted Alecto. “If only Severus were here, he could finally get back at Potter.” Her stomach churned dangerously at the mention of her old friend and desperately wished for his presence. He would never hurt her, would distract his friends and take them far, far away from her. 

Instead, it was three against one, and she was standing holding books. Great. Potter’s words vaguely entered her mind, of them watching her, waiting for her to screw up. She grabbed her wand from her pocket subtly, and barely had time to do a thing before a curse was being thrown at her, a flash of light the only thing she could see.

“ _ Protego!”  _ She could hear Alecto’s cackle as she dropped her books at her feet and dove out of the way. “ _ Stupefy _ !” Lily yelled, watching as it barely skimmed past Bruis’ ear. 

“ _ Crucio!” _

She ducked quickly, though the Unforgivable Curse had the blood drumming in her ears as her stomach crawled its way up her throat, feeling nausea come over her. She was unsure how exactly she could get out of this, the only place to run the library (which would surely be shut, by now) and thus a dead end. “ _ Impedimenta!”  _ She directed the curse toward Rosier, who seemed the most skilled out of the three, and successfully reached his shoulder, freezing him momentarily. She had expected Bruis and Carrow to stop, though they ignored Rosier’s cry and exploited her momentary joy to wordlessly send her flying backwards.

She felt her head slam into the sandstone wall of the castle, followed by the rest of her body at an unforgiving force. A groan ripped itself from her throat as she struggled to lift herself from the ground, though found her vision spotted and unreliable and her arms buckled under her weight. 

She felt someone drag her away from the wall roughly before Alecto Carrow’s face filled her hazy vision. 

“You could be so great, if only your blood wasn’t such filth.”

“I’m flattered.” Lily managed, her voice weak to her own ears as Alecto laughed loudly. 

The smell of her perfume clogged all of Lily’s senses, making her eyes water and her mouth go dry as Alecto’s knees pinned her arms to her side.

With a flick of her wand, a gash in the side of Lily’s face had appeared and blood began running from it like a lone tear. Determined not to let her pain show, she moved her head away and an angry, determined sound escaped the other girl. 

“ _ This  _ is for your filthy blood.” She flicked her wand again, but this time Lily screamed in pain, a bloodcurdling scream that she bounced against the halls and back onto her own ears. Her body was in unbearable agony and it shook with adrenaline, the pain in her head and her abdomen too much for her. “And this is for all Potter did to Severus.” She hissed, creating another deep cut on Lily’s body as if she had been stabbed. She could feel her shirt soaked in her own blood and her breathing was only getting heavier, now, the agony and panic settling in and mingling together. She let out a small whine and bit the inside of her mouth, trying to hold in as much breath and evidence of pain as she could. 

“This one,” She paused, her tone contemplative before there was another flick of her wand and Lily heard herself scream against her consent once again, tears rolling down her cheeks before she could stop them. “Is for  _ stealing  _ someone else’s magic-”

“Alecto! I didn’t realise this was part of your usual style,” She looked up with a snarl from where she had been looking down at Lily, ready to inflict more pain. “Don’t you specialise in curses?”

She felt like she was going to throw up with relief and she may or may not have whined at the sound of Sirius’ voice. 

“I would be more than happy for you to demonstrate my usual style for you, wouldn’t I, Lily?”

Lily closed her eyes and shook her pounding head with what was close to a whimper. “No, you’re useless at them.” She didn’t think she could tolerate the cruciatus curse in her current state.

“Do you think you can tell me what to do, mudblood?” Alecto asked her and received an agonising slash to her thigh. She felt her face screw up in agony as she screamed again, arching her back in an attempt to relieve  _ some  _ of the pain somehow.

“Stop,  _ please.”  _ She sobbed, her chest heaving.

“Rosier, Bruis! Can’t believe you were good enough to join the party. Remus, can you believe it?”

“Not really, Padfoot.” His voice was loud and confident - they both seemed like they were in on a rather funny joke than rescuing Lily from the hell she was being subjected to.

“Get out of here, Black.” 

“See, Rosier, we can’t really do that. You’ve got something that we’d like back, thanks.”

“You’d be better off without the mudblood, you and Potter have already tarnished your ranks with a half-breed.”

Remus flushed angrily and an animalistic growl escaped Sirius’ mouth before saying, “Fuck off, Bruis.” And sent a jelly legs jinx towards him. 

Lily closed her eyes and let out a sigh of relief as Alecto got off of her before she was choked with fear again. She felt herself being pulled upright and leant against her body, the girl gripped Lily’s hair and pulled her head back, exposing her neck. She could feel the blood seeping from her wounds as she was forced to stand and she could only imagine the state of her blood soaked shirt.

Tears fell from her eyes as she whispered. “Please, stop it. Please-”

But she ignored her, instead calling to the boys dueling, “Stop! Or she’ll feel more pain than she’s capable of tolerating.” And then her wand was resting against Lily’s collarbones as more tears escaped her. 

“Please, please-”

“Quiet, mudblood.” She hissed before speaking at a louder volume, “Sirius, you surely must be disgusted. Look at how filthy her blood is.” Lily looked toward him. He was holding his wand up in front of himself as if preparing to hex someone, though he was frozen as he stared at her. Lily begged him internally to say something, anything, as Alecto cackled. “What, no biting reply? To think all it took all these years to shut you up was a bleeding mudblood!” An insane laugh left her lips as she threw her head back. “I knew I should have done this sooner.”

“You’re a psychotic bitch, Carrow.” Sirius told her, seemingly finding his voice. 

“Come and  _ join  _ us. I’ll show you so much more than they can... they don’t let you have any fun.” She pouted and pressed her wand threateningly against Lily’s exposed throat. Lily saw Remus adjust his grip on his wand as he glanced at Sirius: she knew he was begging him to stop listening. “They’ll never  _ really  _ trust you. They will let you play Gryffindor saviour but they’ll always doubt your loyalties. Go home to Reggie and Bella embrace who you  _ really  _ are.”

Her voice was soft and alluring, such a contrast to her insanity as she gripped Lily’s hair harshly and let her bleed out. She watched Sirius, whose hands were shaking and teeth clenched, Remus, whose eyes were on focused intently on Sirius, though his wand was directed at her. Her eyes were fluttering shut, slowly, and she begged herself to focus on them, her friends, as they attempted to keep her safe.

“You’ll find, actually, that I have embraced who I am: I’m a blood traitor and fucking proud of it.” He paused and Lily wished she could see his expression but found she had no strength to open her eyes. “Tell Bella I told her to fuck right off.” 

She heard Rosier snarl, “Cruci-”

And suddenly she was free from her grasp, falling forward as her eyes fluttered open to see Remus running toward her. She felt as if the entire situation was happening in slow motion as he caught her before she reached the floor, landing in his arms with a sob. She could see Sirius through blurry vision running toward them and found she had no strength to hold onto Remus, who she could tell was buckling under her whole weight. 

“I bloody told you someone should have been with you.” Sirius was mumbling, his voice distant despite being right next to her as he helped Remus to stand. Lily wished she could do something to reduce her weight on them but knew it was useless.  “Stupid bloody gits, wait till I get my hands on them...” He muttered, before she let her eyes close and blackness overcame her senses. 

 

\--

 

_ “Whose idea was the blood clotting spell?” A woman’s voice was distant and grim, barely audible. _

 

_ “Mine, we just learnt it in Charms. Did it work?” _

 

\---

 

_ “I’m sorry we didn’t get there faster, Lily. I’m so so sorry.” _

 

\--

 

Lily opened her eyes to a darkened room, the darkness a surprising contrast to the sunlight she had expected. She squinted as she awoke, finding herself in the hospital wing, seeing Remus sprawled in the chair next to the bed, his legs straight out in front of him and one of his arms propping his head up. He was awake, Lily knew. His posture was tense, and his face was shadowed with a smile. Sirius had moved a chair and was sitting right next to Lily’s head, and she smiled at the thought of them staying with her all night and the struggle Madam Pomfrey would have had to go through with them.

She turned to the other side and was met with Marlene, Dorcas and Alice (who had, seemingly, put their argument on hold) and were watching her intently. “You’re awake.” Marlene mumbled, before she was enveloped by her arms, holding her painfully. 

“Marley.” She croaked, and her friend almost immediately removed herself. Her voice woke Sirius, and drew the attention of Remus, who each stood and soon there were five very concerned faces hovering over her. Nobody said a word, leaving her slightly frustrated before she mumbled. “So, who bribed Madam Pomfrey to let you all here at once?”

Remus snorted loudly as her friends sighed in part relief. “Sirius gave her four chocolate frogs and a cockroach cluster.”

“ _ My  _ cockroach cluster.” 

Before any more could be said on the topic, the large doors at the left end of the room were opened and their Headmaster strolled through them, Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey following close behind him with equally worried looks covering their faces.

“Ah, you’ve awoken! I told you, Poppy, your expertise is valued for a reason.” Professor Dumbledore smiled at them over his half-moon spectacles as Madam Pomfrey flushed pink and neared Lily with a goblet of what was clearly potion. 

“Blood replenishing potion, my dear.” She took the potion, aware of the eight pairs of eyes on her, and downed the goblet in one go to avoid the expected horrible taste. 

When she was done, Dumbledore peered at her curiously. “I expect, Miss Evans, you are opposed to recounting yesterday’s events.”

She struggled, momentarily, to remember what on earth he was expecting her to tell him before Sirius whispered. “The attack, Red.”

And  _ oh,  _ she remembered. The  _ attack,  _ with Rosier and Bruis and Alecto and  _ pain pain pain.  _ She shook her head slightly, still aching, as she refused to recall what happened. To recount the curses and the agony and the taunts. “Then,” Dumbledore pulled his wand from his cloak and she flinched, slightly, as he held it toward her. “I ask you only to bring it forth in your mind, and I will extract the memory to see. Rest assured,” He added, once her alarm became clear. “You will still retain your memory, and nobody else will be able to see it other than me.” She nodded slightly as he procured a vial and tapped his wand on her temple. She felt an odd sensation as silver, hair-like wisp was removed from her temple via his wand and emptied into the vial, which he promptly closed. “Thank you, Miss Evans. The students responsible will not be free from punishment, but you are in certain and dire need of rest. However, I ask Mr. Lupin and Black to join me in my office-”

“You can’t punish them, they found her!” Marlene jumped forward as Sirius and Remus exchanged a secretive glance. 

“There will be no punishment, Miss McKinnon. I simply require the answers to questions that are unable to be answered by the memory of Miss Evans.”

Marlene’s cheeks turned a bright red as Sirius chuckled and stood from his chair, grabbing Remus by the hand and taking the exhausted looking boy with him. Once Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall had left with Sirius and Remus, Madam Pomfrey told Lily’s friends to leave for they, and she, needed rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi eveyrone i hope this was ok!!! rip lily honestly what type of pureblood supremacy is this?? 
> 
> also,, ill be deleting some chapters & adding some new stuff in bc i went back & edited a whole heap this week so look out for that!!!! next time i update it'll probably be only chapter 8 or 9 but im gonna make the chapters have names (probably ????)
> 
> anyway HAVE A NICE WEEEEEK until i see u again!!!!!! thank u for all ur comments & kudos & hits & bookmarks ur all the bomb diggity (thats lame i know sorry) byEEEE


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